Me and dh are making our wills and I have questions...........

[ImportantMatters]

Needed to change my name for this because my sister reads this site, I think she knows my mn name, and I don't want to spook her before I've had a chance to discuss this with her.

Dh and I are in the process of making our wills and both agree that in the event of us both dying, my sister should be our childrens guardian. My brother would be the executor of the Estate. There would hopefully! be enough money to support our children if we are not around - in his role as executor, my brother would be able to ensure my sister had enough money to look after the children etc etc and invest money for their future. We know we can trust my brother and sister to fulfil these roles properly on behalf of our children.

The bit I'm not sure about is only naming my sister as guardian. She is married (I like my bil, he's a decent bloke) and has 2 children with him. I'm wondering whether we should name both my sister and her husband (my bil) as guardians, because, in asking her to be guardian, it will have a fundamental impact on her family unit. It would cause huge upheaval and I'm wondering whether it's better therefore to name her and her husband as a "team" so to speak. However, what if my sister and her husband divorced? In that scenario is it better to just name her?

Hope I'm making sense here - it's horrid having to think about these things, but unfortunately needs to be done.

On another matter - currently mine and dh's home is in dh's name only (he owned the house before we married). We keep talking about whether to change this to joint names, but haven't done anything and as we are married, assume I have certain rights anyway. Given my marital status, does it make a huge difference whose name(s) the house is in?

We are seeing a solicitor in a couple of weeks, but I'd like to be clear in my head before we get there.

I'm sure your solicitor will be able to help you with both those questions quite quickly.

We're organising our wills the same way. My sister is named as guardian. I can't remember if we named her husband or not, but if we didn't I'm certain he's willing to assume the responsibility anyway, it's all been discussed and he is a great stepfather to my two nephews.

What I did want made clear in my will was that my sister and her family should not have to go without anything in order to fulfil the role of guardians to my 3. Imagine the scene if she was expected to give up her job to look after five children in her three-bedroomed house! We have stated very clearly that she should have full control of the trust fund and use it to buy a bigger house, compensate herself for lost wages, etc. We also want our nephews to have as much as our own children - the effect of having to share their parents with children who are can afford better clothes, games, etc than they can would be awful. Obv dh and I are worth a lot more dead than alive

you need to go through all the what if scenarios with the solicitor such as what if sister dies - do you want still want BIL to have your kids?

also re house you might need to do inheritence tax planning - maybe be tenants in common instead of joint tenants, to minimise IHT

You really must speak to solicitor and get all the options worked out - I thouhgt I'd researched well before I consulted the solicitor, but she made us think about a lot of stuff we hadn't considered. HTH

I must type slowly -- agree with anorak x-posted

Presumably you will be speaking to your sister and BIL before naming them as guardians. In that case, you could just name your sister as guardian on the basis that it's OK with her husband. Then, if she should get divorced, you wouldn't need to change your will.

Re the house. As a married woman, you do have certain rights over the house that a co-habiting woman doesn't have. However, as mentioned, for purposes of your will, it would be better to have the house in joint names as joint tenants. If one of you dies, the house passes directly to the other and never forms part of the deceased party's estate. If, however, your dh thinks he should have a greater share of the value of the property, by virtue of his original ownership, then you could be registered as tenants in common which entitles you to leave your respective shares as you wish in your will.

From a tax point of view, assets left to a spouse do not attract inheritance tax. That kicks in once the estate passes to children or other beneficiaries.

Ooh, really helpful responses, and, they've got me thinking about other things.

Eg, as executor, we've named a sum to be left to my brother, because his responsibilities will take time and effort, but we haven't done the same for my sister!!!! Who would be taking on the massive job of parent!!!!!!! So.........my feeling is that if she does have to become guardian, we need to leave her some money independently of anything else.

Then, I've also had an entirely different idea about guardianship.

I have a very very dear friend who has no children of her own. I've known her many years and trust her absolutely. The children love her and she loves them. She's never had a partner - for some reason doesn't seem interested in being in any relationship.

I know that she would take on the role. She has a good career, but I'm pretty certain she'd be happy to take my two on and if she wished to, be a sahp ( there'd be enough money to make that choice).

Does that idea sound batty to you? Our first instinct was to ask family, but she really would be the best person in terms of raising the children.

Go with whoever you feel would do the best job of raising your children with your values. Doesn't have to be family. Although I'd speak to family just to make sure no one was offended by the decision.

Another thing you have to consider is who would be responsible for the money you leave to raise your children. The money would probably go into a trust to which you will have to appoint trustees. These can either be the guardian/s or the guardian/s plus other/s. If you appoint someone other than the guardian/s, you have to consider what would happen if the guardian/s fell out with the other trustee. It's all very complicated and it is well worth seeing a solicitor specialising in probate. Do not, whatever you do, opt for a DIY or home-will. You won't notice any difference if you do one of these, but those left behind most certainly will!

Good points Freckle - if we're trusting a guardian with our children, then we must be able to trust them to manage the money for and on behalf of our children. If my sister were guardian, my brother sole executor, then as you say, if there's a falling out it could become v difficult.

Phew!

I feel just as you do re seeing a solicitor. Dh believes we can do this without - with a guidebook and a will form printed off a website, but I am insistent that we must do it through a solicitor.

You are wise to consider using a Solicitor and I would urge that you do so. DIY wills are a minefield especially if they are not written properly and they are so easy to get wrong. I would personally not trust a website and a DIY will form to do such an important job properly (your DH should know better!!). Such things are better off left to the people do deal with such matters day in and day out.

Also if the will is straightforward to write, it won't cost you a load of cash. A DIY will may well cost beneficiaries thousands to sort out especially if any part of it is wrong or if it is incorrectly witnessed.

Hulababy's dh is a probate solicitor and I believe he offers a discount to Mumsnet members. Might be worth a try!

I work in a probate department and we get beneficiaries coming to us to try and sort out the mess diy wills have left them in. It is much better and cheaper to have your will written properly in the first place. My mum's cost about £150 as it was very straightforward which is a lot cheaper than paying a firm like mine between £50 and £150 an hr to sort it out afterwards!

DH is indeed a solicitor who specialises in this area of law. He has this article on MN and further details are there. Have you spoken to a solicitor? Dh sends out questionnaires to prospective clients (if not dealing with them in person) which covers most things for you to consider.

Please do not be tempted to have DIY or will-writer wills.

Thanks everyone for all your responses.

Dh has realised the complexities involved and agrees about the importance of the wills being drawn up through a solicitor.

We wrote our wills on monday and have named my mum as guardian should anything happen to both DH and I. DH's mum is then in 'reserve' should anything happen to my mum. But the solicitor advised that my mother should state in her will that, should anything happen to her and she has become the guardian of our children, then her husband (my father) takes over before the right is given to DH's mum. Thats not v clear. Does it make any sense?

Wouldn't it have been simpler to name both your mum and your dad as your children's guardians in your will? That avoids the hassle of your mum having to alter her will.