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What can I do?

20 replies

regposter · 22/08/2005 16:59

I've changed my name for this but I am a regular poster so please accept this all at face value.

I went out on Thursday night with a bloke I've known for a few weeks. We had a fair bit to drink, went to dinner and he came back to mine. We ended up going to bed together but as he had no condoms and I wouldn't have sex without we agreed to do nothing. He was just staying because it was too late to go home.

We were kissing and that's about it when he took off his clothes and then he took off mine. I pushed him away and said I didn't want to so he stopped. A bit later I was facing away from him, trying to go to sleep, very drunk and not feeling well when he forced himself onto me. I remember begging him to stop, telling him he was hurting me but he didn't. I was able to get him off me and went to get a drink and to the bathroom. I was bleeding so much as he had forced me to have anal sex when he had held me down. He left the next morning and I've not spoken to him since.

Over the course of the weekend I've been remembering more of it and I know I didn't consent but 5 days later what can I do? I'm still bleeding and sore and have bruises all over my arms and chest where he held me down.

Is there anything I can/should do? I blame myself because I got that drunk in the first place but I knew my boundaries and said no but he didn't listen.

OP posts:
mancmum · 22/08/2005 17:01

get to the police now ... bruising coiuld be used as evidence... get to see a rape counsellor... look after yourself get suppor and get tested...

mancmum · 22/08/2005 17:02

sorry forgot to add -- I am so SORRY this happened and it is in NO WAY your fault... keep talking to us...

babyonboard · 22/08/2005 17:02

Oh my god..this is awful
It is not too late to report this to the police, and i advise that you do
the faxct that you were drunk has nothing to do with it
can't offer any more advice to help you deal with this, but best wishes...i am soory.
x

spursmum · 22/08/2005 17:03

I'm going to be very blunt her so forgive me if I upset you at all.
REPORT the bastard for rape. He had absolutely no right to force himself on you and do not for 1 minute think that this is your fault for having had a few drinks.

Roobie · 22/08/2005 17:04

Definitely go to the Police - they will have people experienced in this sort of thing and will be able to help and advise accordingly.
Sorry this has happened to you.....

mancmum · 22/08/2005 17:07

just found the website for Rape Crisis -- I assume you are in UK... try them first if you need to talk to someone..

rape crisis

Hope you are OK -- are you still logged on?

fqueenzebra · 22/08/2005 17:07

Go the police now so they can collect physical evidence, leave it too long they can't collect physical evidence if you leave it too late. Talk with them thru the options.

regposter · 22/08/2005 17:11

I haven't told anyone else yet because I suppose it's only all started sinking in yesterday and today.

My friend is coming over tonight anyway so I will ask her to come with me then though I don't know how to tell her.

I thought it was too late to go but I will and see what they say. I'm just terrified of being judged for being drunk and stupid but I said no. I cried no. He didn't listen.

OP posts:
spursmum · 22/08/2005 17:16

They will not judge you for having a few drinks. You were not comotosed, you still had your senses and told him no and pushed him off.
They will be very sensitive, thorough and professional but it woud be a good idea to take a friend who will support you through this.

for you lovey.

babyonboard · 22/08/2005 17:18

Do not blame yourself!
whether you are drunk or not, or feel if you led him on or not is irrelevant entirely he had NO RIGHT to do that!
Glad you have a supportive friend to confide in..don't be scared she will only want to help you get through this.
and as said many times...call the police!

regposter · 22/08/2005 19:30

My friend is picking me up at 8 and we're going to my local police station. I'm not sure if it's the right place to go but it's a start. Will post later. Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
SleepySuzy · 22/08/2005 19:33

OMG!!! This is in NO way your fault. What has been said on this thread is absolutely right. I hope everything goes well for you. xxx

gingernut · 22/08/2005 19:37

How awful for you . There may still be some physical evidence e.g. on bedclothes, towels, clothes if you haven't washed them, as well as your injuries. You could put anything you think may be useful in a bag and take it with you.

Good luck. Glad you have a friend to support you.

regposter · 22/08/2005 19:40

I hadn't thought about bedding etc. I've been sleeping in the spare bed since Thursday night because I can't face going back in my room. I haven't washed my clothing either.

I just don't know how I'm going to cope with it all. I'm so scared and ashamed.

OP posts:
babyonboard · 22/08/2005 22:42

don't be ashamed..he is the only one at fault..
good luck and best wishes for you
x

SadSam · 23/08/2005 10:28

Just seen this post and had to say Im so sorry about what has happened to you, and to reiterate what everyone else has said this is in no way shape or form YOUR fault. My DP is a police officer and I can assure you, rape is rape whether it be 5 mins after or 5 days after! As suggested, take any clothing, bedding etc. with you (if you havent already). Your bruises etc will be photographed and make sure you give them all the details you know about him i.e. name, address, telephone number, description etc. as he may have done it before. Please let us know how you get/got on. My best wishes go out to you! xxx

regposter · 23/08/2005 17:36

I didn't go. Not yet anyway. I couldn't face it last night and then worried about how to cope once there. I had an email from him today titled "please delete as appropriate" just saying how he knows he's screwed things up between us but not making any specific reference to anything.

I'm going to try and do something tonight. I didn't sleep at all last night. I'm so tired and emotional.

OP posts:
gingernut · 23/08/2005 19:17

regposter, really sorry you didn't feel able to face going. Hope someone else comes along with some good advice for you as I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling right now.

If you do go, you won't have to take things any further if you don't want to but at least you will have the option later. The longer you leave it the less chance there is of him being charged (if that is what you want). But I expect you know that.

Thinking of you xx

Freckle · 23/08/2005 19:47

If you contact your police station, explain the situation and say that you can't face going in to them, they will probably send a wpc to your home - if you prefer. You might find it easier to talk about it in your own home.

Good luck.

edgetop · 23/08/2005 20:06

please try to go to police i,m sure they will be kind to you,also if he gets away with this time he may forse himself on to someone else.be stronge

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