Confused and scared

[scurrieuk]

No-body tells you what it's like to miscarry. Me and my partner are in the process of fertility treatment, donor insemination. Trying to have children is one massive struggle after another. It's littered with goals that you set yourself, like how many treatment cycles will it take. Am I even fertile, the relief and disbelief that it actually worked and then the next goal, will I make it to my 7 week scan. Well I haven't made it to my 7 week scan, it would have been today but on Monday, I started bleeding heavily, by tuesday I had bled so much that My HB had dropped to 83 making me panicky and afraid on top of all the symptoms of anaemia. The clinc staff dismissed my symptoms and tried to tell me I couldn't possibly be anaemic after so short a time and the bleeding I described wasn't even that heavy. Anyway my HGC levels came back on Wednesday as still 10, so my GP admitted me to the local matty ward so that they could rule out an ectopic pregnancy. The docs at the hospital scanned me again and showed me the embryonic sac but it is irregular in shape and looks to be about 5-6 weeks rather than nearly 7 weeks. They can't do anything and want to scan me again next week to see if it's changed. I am very worried, if the horrendous bleeding on Monday and Tuesday, I'm still bleeding now but not nearly as much, wasn't the miscarriage and the embryo is still in there am I going to bleed horribly again any minute now. I'm already on iron tablets and don't think I can cope with bleeding out again. I am living in a state of high anxiety that each time I go to the toilet will be the start of it all again. I've been so worried about the bleeding that I haven't even started to grieve for the lost life inside of me. No-one warns you how awful this is. This week has been awful, sorry if this post is disjointed, but my head's all over the place just now.

hi there, so sorry to hear you're going through this. it's just the worst, i know. you are not alone and will find loads of support and people to share experiences with on here. all you can do just now is try to get through each day, one at a time. do whatever it takes - chocolate, alcohol, silly DVDs, crying, retai therapy - whatever. you just have to go into survival mode. it may take weeks or months, but slowly the black cloud does lift.

hi scurrie

so sorry you are going through this. I agree with everything sotough says - it really is awful and it is reasonable to expect your head to be all over the place. Do whatever you have to to get through the next hours/days/weeks/months.

Keep talking to us too - the ladies on here are a wonderful source of strength. I couldn't have made it through the last month without them.

hi sorry to hear about what you are going through. i have just been through a similar experience and it was awful. my pregnancy should have been about 8wks but when i was scanned it only measured 6wks sac 5 and there was movement which was not a good sign.i had to wait two horrendous weeks to find out whether pregnancy would survive or not. i bleed for three weeks constantly it was never really heavy just constant. was told by epu 4 days before my second scan that my bleeding didnt sound like a miscariiage only to be told after my scan on wednesday my baby was gone.reading other people experiences on here helps and offers support. take carex

I'm really struggling today. On top of all this, my partner chose yesterday as the day she told me she needs space and time to decide if she wants to be in a relationship. I'm even more scared now, having anxiety attacks, went to GP this am hoping for some help, nothing she can do. She's signed me off work for another week, so now I'm sitting at home wanting it all to just go away. We've been together 9 years. I don't know how to get through this all.