Second MMC-pissed off

[banana87]

Sorry I need to vent. I just got back from my scan. Supposed to be 7+3 but baby measuring 2mm and after scan last week that was inconclusive I think its best to say its another mmc. I will see a consultant tomorrow to confirm this and discuss ERPC.

I am feeling incredibly let down by my body. If the baby stopped growing at 5 weeks, why in the hell did the sac just carry on? This is the 2nd time this has happened, the first being at 8weeks, baby stopped at 5-6 weeks (same). I had a healthy pregnancy in between, which I am very grateful for. I am pissed off beyond words that I have sat here for 2 weeks feeling pregnant and thinking I am pregnant when I am not. Why?? Why cant my body just naturally do this when it happens?

I don't know if I can have more kids. I have just read the chances of me now going on to have a healthy pregnancy are 74%. Which means there is a 26% chance of this happening again. And again. And again. How much can I cope with?

Sorry if this has been negative, I just don't know what to say really.

Oh you poor thing. I understand just how you are feeling. I had 3 months of pregnancy symptoms, even started to get a little bump, before going for my 12 week scan & being told my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks 6 days. I too felt totally let down by my body & wondered how it could get it so wrong. MMC is so cruel & it is totally understandable for you to feel negative - I was just the same.

So sorry you are going through this a second time. I understand that feeling of not knowing if you can chance going through it again, but you do have a high chance of all being ok next time. Guess it is too early to even really think about it yet though. I know I felt very muddled after finding out about my MMC.

Hope you have someone to look after you right now.

Oh BANANA I do feel for you. I recently MMC at 10 wks baby died about 7 wks, and my body didnt realise either. I know the feeling of your body letting you down, it can tell you when to have a period, when you are pregnant, when to go into labour but fails to tell you that you have MC and you only find out on a scan! I felt foolish and cheated. The in limbo of not being pregnant anymore, tho still kind of pregnant is awful until you have an ERPC, for me that was the end of it. I could move on and try again. I am 41 and know time is running out my MMC maybe my last and failed pregnancy. It sucks. But I say try again. Rant and rave, use this place to find out info, have someone to talk to. I have found it so comforting, everyone has given good advice and been in the same situation as you are so know exactly how you feel. Dont feel that you have nowhere to turn. Talk on here. One thing tho grieve, cry, whinge and if you feel like crap , dont worry ,its all part of the process. A friend has 3 kids, and between each one she MC, and had 2 more MMC at 13 wks.So 4 in all. Dont let the figures get to you, think positively. Hope this helps. HUGS

hi banana how are you feeling today? i know it all feels impossible right now, but you are only 30, and you've had a healthy baby. your body works! i am sure you're going to be fine. i don't know where you found those statistics but they don't sound right to me. after one miscarriage your chances of another miscarriage, as i understand it, are 1/5 - exactly the same as they were before. remember you haven't had two miscarriages in a row - you've had a successful pregnancy in between. its shit though - don't i know it.

Hi banana, I had a MMC in 2007, healthy DS in 2008 and then two more MMC's in the last year.
I went to see my doctor to see if I could get some tests done but was told no as I needed to have had 3 MC's on the trot before he would consider sending me for tests and bcause I'd already had a child I felt I was not taken seriously. There was no way I was prepared to put myself in a position to only miscarry again so I ending up pleading with my doctor to send me for tests, I felt like I had to do something constructive to get over my losses.
I would really recommend you try and do the same albeit I know every area of the country appears to offer differnet things. If you can afford it (we couldn't ) then go privately. You need to focus your mind on something which will help vent the frustration - it worked for me!!
If nothing else you will be well looked after during your next pregnancy and have regular scans. Good luck to you x

banana I am truly sorry for what has happened. My experience is different but I share the sorrow & frustration that you must feel.

Thanks for your replies.

I am feeling ever so slightly better after seeing the consultant who did not argue with me about this being a mmc ( I know the NHS would). He has scheduled me for an ERPC on Fri noon. He did say that I can opt for genetic testing of the fetus and for us BUT he said:

1. It is highly likely that there was a missing or extra chromosome which is down to chance. A dr at St. George's recently studied 3,000 MMC fetuses before 12 weeks and found them all to have a chromosomal abnormality.

1. My chances remain the same for next time (1:5).

1. If going private I can opt to have genetic tests run but as I have had a normal pregnancy he doesn't see the point. He says the tests are drawn out and they don't like you to get pregnant in the middle of testing. And he said after all that they will probably come up with nothing, so lets get this ERPC out of the way and hurry up and get pregnant again (were his words).

1. Had I not had the early scan then this may NOT have been a MMC, I may have just miscarried on my own in a week or two. Its only because I had an early scan that its a mmc. He recommended that I continue to be scanned at 7-8 weeks in future pregnancies.

I am still pretty much in the mindset that I dont want to do this again. Maybe I will get over it, I don't know. I am just relieved that I am having the ERPC and by Sat I wont be feeling sicky and pregnant and can get back to normality.

Banana sorry you have had another MMC. Empathise with your position as have had 2 myself and also have one DC.

My 2 MMC have been since my son's birth; first at 13+6 last August, baby died at 12+6, second at 11 weeks in February, baby died at 9. I'm now 42. My chances of having a successful pg now are only 52%. I got a BFP on Tuesday, am 4+3 weeks.

TOTALLY understand the emotion that you don't want to go through it again. All I would say is that it is still really fresh for you... Another poster said you were only 30, so you have lots of time to take a break. I don't have that option (though I did take a couple of months off on acupuncturist advice and only started TTC again this month). However I am prepared for the fact that I may not have another child so am determined to cherish the one I have.

I hope the surgery goes well and you start to feel better soon.