6 miscarriages and 1 baby - How do I cope?

[bev2102]

I had my first miscarriage in 2008 and then a week after fell pregnant with my son and his twin (I lost his twin).
My son was born in Nov 2008 and is a gorgeous little man who I feel blessed to have.
We have been trying for another baby and have had 4 miscarriages in a row (last one was just last week).
I know I should be happy and grateful (which I am) to just have the one baby but I am desperate for him not to be an only child like his daddy.
At the moment I feel useless, like it's my fault (even though I know logically it's not) because it's my body that's losing these babies.
The miscarriages have ranged from the earliest at 6weeks and the latest 14weeks gestation.
Will I ever have another baby?
How do I cope with the huge sense of loss?
How long should I leave it before I try again? My dr says it's ok to try straight away - do you think she's right?
Please help.
Is there anyone else out there who's had a similar experience and gone on to have another baby? I just need to know I'm not alone!

Hello, can i join in please?
I have a nearly 7 year old.
had 2 mcs before him.
been trying for 3 years and have had another 4 mcs in that time. Last one in Dec just gone, would have been due in 3 weeks

all between 7-13 weeks.

Im 40 next month.

We want to keep trying, its the most gut wrenching disapointing pain each time i mc but its worse pain thinking i will never have another child.

we are giving it 12 months, then we will stop.

beeen very down of late, 7 people at work anouncing pregnancies, all absolutely fine, no problems at all, sailing through. I want to die inside, but put on a happy exterior.

Had blood tests and all fine, progesterone low which explains why it takes me so long to concieve, i dont always ovulate it seems.

No one i know understands, no one i know even "gets it" even a little tiny bit, im not sure i could explain it even if i tried any way. I have no one to talk to about it tbh as no one has been through this that i know of.

I am not preocupied by it, push it waaay back tbh to the back of my head, dont talk about it, never mention it, just get on with life.
Not sure how i wil deal with the whole thing of it happens again.

Hello everyone ? manic work day today. No time to mumsnet!

Bev2102 ? thank you for your kind words. That?s awful about the woman screaming at her children. Life is so unfair.

I also echo what Sotough said. When I had my dd I honestly thought ?That?s it now I have her so all will be well and the pain has gone? I guess I was hormonally challenged! I am so grateful for her and love and cherish everyday with her but the pain of not having the family I desire is hard as babies are all around. It doesn?t help in that it seems to take me about 2 years to get pg in the first place!

Hello tightwad I am sorry for all your losses. I know what you mean about a happy exterior. I had a text this week of a birth announcement - the same day my last mc was due. Wishing you peace at such a hard time.

It sometimes feels like the universe is conspiring to emphasise my uselessness.

Sorry for the long post!

A peaceful weekend to everyone

Tightwad, so sorry for you it is so sad hearing all these dreadful stories but in some ways comforting to know that we are not alone. I hope this is not taken the wrong way as any loss is devastating and I don't wish it on anyone.

You say your progesterone is low do you also know what your luteal phase is? I know mine is 9 or 10 days which does make conception quite difficult and means progesterone production is not good enough. I learned this out quite recently and it does explain some things for me, however I think my issues do go deeper than this one thing. I will say that the two times I have gotten pregnant in the last two years I have had acupunture and acupuncture can increase your progesterone and increase your luteal phase, also have you looked at increasing your own luteal phase with B vitamins and also have you been put on cyclogest or something similar when you conceive?

I think you're both amazing for being able to actually say enough's enough and be happy with the amazing gift you already have. I adore my DS, he is my absolute world and I tell him how much I love him every chance I get (prob 50+ times a day). I know I'm lucky to have him but have only been trying for a second baby for about 9 months so am not quite ready to give up just yet. I'm not going to go to drs just yet as last time I had the feintest second line on a PT was after I'd lost my first baby and a week later fell on with James and his twin. When I told the dr the line was feint and asked if it was 'left over hormones' or another baby she harshly replied 'if you're pregnant, you're pregnant' she then let out a huge sigh and said 'just wait and see!'. After that and other experiences after other MCs I don't want to go to drs until I know either way. As for our HV she is as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike! My DH calls her Mrs Hitler as she's very much do this and do that - she orders you about rather than advises!! When I write it down it makes me realise I should change my drs and HV but am moving south in couple of months so not much point!

had bloods taken on day 22. progesterone was 9. Advised to take clomid.
I argue that this was a singular blood sample therefore not necissarily completely accurate.
I may ovulate at any time during my cycle. In fact the last time i got preggers we had sex the day ofter my period ended.....no ther time during that month.

Not entirely happy taking a very hard hitting drug based on 1 blood sample.

Also, i become pregnant after 7-12 months, i DO get pregnant, i just cant hold onto them.
3 out of the 5 mcs have been blighted ovum...yet all chromosomal samples that both dh & i have given have been normal.
2 of the mcs had heart beats.

Just one of those things, bad luck no cause given.

Any how, lets see what the next 12 months bring.

I had three Mcs and then one DD then another DD and then 7 MCS. It is frustrating and depressing. At the age of 39 I found out I was pregnant again and I had DDs.I was sterilised after as I thought I would end on a high. My last miscarriage was at 22 weeks . I had every test known to man and no reason was found. My consultant was very good but in the end he said his clinical diagnosis was I am unlucky.
Good luck I hope it happens for your soon. Everyone thought I was mad to keep trying, but I am so glad I did. MN does help just knowing others are in the same situation.

Thanks Lynli. It's good to have people to 'talk' to who know exactly what feelings you're going through (ranging from grief to being a failure as it's your body that's done it!). Hearing your story has lifted my spirits more than you know. Just knowing that you went on to having another after losing so many angels has given me hope. I know I'll have another baby - don't ask me how/why - it's just a gut feeling I have. The only question is, how many more angels do I have to lose before I'm successful? Hopefully the answer is none.

Thank you all so very, very much. Just knowing I'm not alone and that my feelings are normal helps me to cope more than when I was 'alone'. Don't get me wrong my DH is wonderful and so supportive but his emotions and feelings are so different to mine whereas, all of you ladies that have been through it and suffered loses to can truely understand.

You've all made such a difference and are helping me to cope so much better. How can I ever thank you all? The amount you've all helped me is amazing and the words 'thank you' don't seem enough but I'll say it anyway; Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I am certainly treasuring my DS for the beautiful boy he is. I am going to continue to try for another DC and hope to be letting you all know that I am past the 'danger zone' for me in the coming months (not too long fingers, toes and eyes crossed! ).

Good luck to you all. May you all find happiness. Whether that be by having another DC or by coming to terms with the fact you'll not have another and being happy with the beautiful, precious DC you are already blessed to have. I wish you all so much joy, happiness and laughter xxx

Lynli, so sorry to hear your story, you are very brave to go through what you have and still have hope and your story is inspiring for others. Do you mind me asking what sex your late miscarriage was?

Tightwad, without wanting to sound patronising I would really urge you to look more into progesterone and its role in pregnancy. My understanding is that progesterone affects luteal phase and if you have a short luteal phase you will find it difficult to get pregnant in the first place. Luteal phase is the period of time after you ovulate to when you get your period and anything under ten makes it difficult for the embryo to implant in the first place. I now know that I have a short luteal phase of about 9-10 days, it is not necessarily about whether you ovulate or not it is when that is important, ovulation can occur at different times in the month but luteal phase rarely changes, there are things you can do to increase your luteal phase i.e. taking clomid. The second and really important bit for you is the role of progesterone for then sustaining the pregnancy, if you have low progesterone it will be difficult for your body to sustain a viable pregnancy. I am CONVINCED this is what happened to me this time and I wish I had heeded some advice I got a few years ago, I said exactly the same as you in that I don't have a problem getting pregnant I have a problem keeping hold of them and someone suggested I ask my doctor for cyclogest once pregnant but myself and my doctor were focusing too much on other issues with my previous pregnancy and I think we missed this...What I will say is that I have been having acupunture for other things when I have fallen pregnant the last two times and and I am convinced this has helped me conceive as acupuncture increases progesterone levels, I stopped having acupunture at about 8.5 weeks with this pregnancy as I was busy and wasn't having it for progesterone particularly so didn't correlate the relationship with acupuncture and progesterone at the time. If you really feel you don't want to take a drug maybe look into other ways to improve progesterone I have heard certain B vitamins work and maybe look into acupunture or reflexology??

Again sorry if I am preaching and you already know all this but information shared could spare someone more pain X

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. My late miscarriage was a boy. I did think there was some connection as I only had girls and there are only two boys in my entire family. I have lots of nieces. And now have two grandaughters and another on the way.
The two boys in the extended family do both have dyspraxia.
That is interesting what you say Loubilou about ovulating late as I know I do often and often have a period after conception. With my first DD I had a Mc at 7wks later found out I was still pregnant but at that time the other fetus (my DD) would have been 11 weeks. So I must have ovulated twice. I do get pregnant very easily and have never tried longer than one month.
I do accept what happened now and count my self as lucky as I have 3 lovely children. I try not to dwell on it.
My biggest problem these days is my DD being pregnant it drives me completely crazy with anxiety.
My problems were all 10 to 20 years ago I am sure they know a lot more now. Good luck to you all.