Really low this week...

[JessiLynn]

I had an early mc at 7+4 on 9. April. Was doing okay for a little while, but absolutely awful today. I feel like my hormones are still really out of control, so maybe that's part of it, I don't know. I feel guilty, like I did something wrong, even though I know I was really careful about diet and exercise and prenatal vitamins.

It doesn't help matters that my cousin committed suicide just a week before the mc. The reason she gave was that her father abused her when she was little, and no one would believe her. I feel really guilty--he abused me, too, and I blocked the memories somehow and never told an adult. Maybe I could have stopped it and therefore stopped her suicide.

That's foolish and useless thinking, I know, but it's how I feel.

The second anniversary of my first mc is coming up next Monday, and then 9. May is Mother's Day here (I live in the US). I guess I should expect things to stay pretty rough... I just want to feel like a part of the normal population again.

Dear JessiLynn

i think you've had an awful lot to deal with over the past few weeks. I had an MMC last week and now how you feel. A MC is hard enough to deal with never mind what has happened with your cousin. you are bound to feel awful - i would give yourself time to grieve. Have you thought about talking it over with someone?

Take care xx

I started a very similar thread just a week back.

4 weeks ago today, at my 12 week scan, I found out I had had a MMC. The baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks.

I had felt I was doing so much better & last Tuesday (a day after finding out my 39 year old cousin had died suddenly) I went right downhill again. I felt so horribly low, couldn't bear hearing about/reading about/seeing pregnant people & it didn't help that my breasts had started producing small amounts of milk.

I went to the doctor & was told it can take a month to 5 weeks before your hormones begin to settle & mood dips were very normal.

This week I feel so much better in myself again, but know that it doesn't mean I won't have unhappy moments.

I hope you have someone you can talk to that can help you through this difficult time. x

Thanks, ladies.

I have been seeing my pastor and a therapist once a week to talk things through, but i think they just don't quite get it.

nomorewine, i'm so relieved to read you've had a similar experience (though so sorry you've had to go through it)... i've started lactating a bit, too, and it's really thrown me for a loop. i'm not having such trouble with seeing pregnant women this time around, but one of my students called me "mommy" several times last week, and I nearly lost it.

I guess I'm really frustrated with myself, too, for being so off-kilter. I've been through both these types of grief before--why don't I know how to navigate them by now?

Anyhow, thanks for your posts, and I hope things are improving well for both of you.

Take care. xx