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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Feeling low today

13 replies

nomorewine · 21/04/2010 21:36

Had been coping a bit better but seem to have dipped quite badly.
Been 3 weeks now since finding out about my MMC at that horrible 12 week scan & my hormones are still totally up the creak. My nipples have started producing a little milk but there is no baby in my tummy. It is messing with my head.
The doctor said to expect all this as my body is acting as if I have had a baby, but I wish it would just stop now.

Went out last night & some people (who were very unaware) were asking if I thought I would have a baby with DP. It really wasn't the conversation I wanted!
I have just heard of someone else being pregnant. Seems like I am surrounded by pregnant people, but I am not really.
Also just had the shock of finding out my 39 year old cousin died suddenly on Sunday. Still don't know the cause & had someone at work say "oh that is scary, with it being a blood relative"

I really shouted at my DS earlier & felt terrible. I seem to have hit rock bottom today.

OP posts:

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 21/04/2010 21:45

You need to go easy on yourself and give it time. It's only been 3 weeks and things are still quite raw- emotionally and physically, you poor thing. I suffered a miscarriage myself 6 weeks ago. I found out at 9 weeks when I started bleeding. I was feeling very much like you at 3 weeks post-miscarriage but 3 weeks later I am feeling much better and I am able to start planning again. It helps to be able to have somebody to talk to and cry with. For me this was my DP. I hope you can share this with somebody too and trust me, things do get easier if you allow yourself time to grieve. XX

Original poster

nomorewine · 21/04/2010 22:15

Thank you. It seems like it is taking ages for me to feel better & at times like this I feel I never will. I guess it is still fairly early days though & the hormones are still running rife.

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dorcas111 · 22/04/2010 11:39

Hi nomorewine, sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad. I have just posted on another thread about how badly I think I am coping with it all, despite it being almost four weeks now. I thought I had been doing better but I feel like I have just sunk right back down again. Getting very drunk last night and having a horrific hangover hasn't helped .
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not alone and right now I can't imagine things getting better either but like others have said it is still so soon and I guess we just need to let ourselves have time to feel what we need to feel. Sorry, I'm not sure that I'm making much sense and didn't want to go on about me, but just wanted you to know that I understand how you are feeling. x x x

EggsandBacon · 22/04/2010 11:58

Hi nomorewine - just wanted to say thinking of you. I still cry when I think of the scan I had end December - mmc at 10 weeks. It does get easier everyday, but after 3 weeks I think I was still crying a bit everyday.

Seeing friends who are pregnant/hearing people talking about pregnancy was so hard, I have one friend who is the same number of weeks I should have been and I found it very hard to see her, even a couple of months afterwards.

And I was super snappy with DH and others.

You've really been through it, particularly with your cousin dying, which must be so hard as well. Your hormones will calm down and your brain will process everything that's happened with time, take it easy on yourself in the meantime.

Thinking of you xx

Iggi999 · 22/04/2010 13:48

3 weeks is no time at all. I couldn't really be around people who didn't know what had happened for at least a month - a work friend asked me the same sort of question you were asked and I started to cry!
Please have no expectations of yourself, if you need to work/stay off/hide/eat etc I would just do it for now.
I now have 3 friends all due around the time I would've been. Seeing one tomorrow. It is (obviously) not their fault but I hope it is ok to be completely freaked out by this (I won't let them know this, of course).

Original poster

nomorewine · 22/04/2010 20:10

Thank you all. It helps to know I am not alone in feeling this way. I feel like I have felt so low for so long now & feel that people would expect me to be over it now. It really does knock you sideways though doesn't it?

I have a facebook friend, who was a few weeks ahead of me, and I can't bear reading about her hearing the baby's heartbeat or pondering as to whether to find out the sex. I feel awful, but I feel I may need to hide her for a while so that I don't keep reading things that upset me. That sounds awful doesn't it?

dorcas - so sorry you are also struggling with it all.x

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Iggi999 · 22/04/2010 21:08

Doesn't sound remotely awful to me. I can't imagine assuming that everyone would want to hear all those details anyway - guess that's the way facebook works though!
I have a friend who sends me pictures of her gorgeous new baby - although I'm very happy for her (and she had mcs herself) after the first set I have chosen not to open anymore. She doesn't know, and I'm not torturing myself.

dorcas111 · 22/04/2010 21:23

Thanks nomorewine. I don't think that it would be awful at all to hide her. I can't bear to even see pregnant women on the street, or read those trashy magazines that I normally love with their obsession with pregnant celebrities... So having to read daily updates about her pregnancy must be terrible for you. I would definitely recommend avoiding them if you can, you have to take care of yourself right now.

Original poster

nomorewine · 23/04/2010 08:28

I hate reading about pregnant celebs too, dorcas. I accidently picked up a mag for our journey to the Alps, just 2 days after my ERPC, and it was full of pregnant celebs, was a special edition & I hadn't realised. Was not the best choice at the time!

Wish that it hadn't been due on my DP's 40th Birthday too. At the time it seemed so nice, but now this has happened, I worry I will spoil his Birthday by being miserable.

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dorcas111 · 23/04/2010 09:48

I think dealing with the edd is hard enough without having the additional pain of it coinciding with what should have been extra cause for celebration. It is inevitable that come your DP's birthday you will be thinking about your little one so don't fight it or worry about it. I can understand you not wanting to spoil it for him but I'm sure he will be thinking of what should have been to. It probably will be a day of mixed emotions but don't feel bad about that or worry about it too much- you will get through it. Maybe, when the time comes, you could allow yourselves to do both- celebrate his birthday and mourn your baby.

Original poster

nomorewine · 23/04/2010 15:33

It is hard having the EDD on that day & I really wish it wasn't. I will do my best not to spoil it for DP, but it will be hard not to get emotional, and like you say, it is likely to be a bittersweet day for him too.

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musicposy · 25/04/2010 18:45

Hi nomorewine and dorcas. Nomorewine, I was thinking today about how dificult the EDD is going to be, and it's going to be extra hard for you because of the date. You may have to accept that this day is always going to be tinged with sadness for you. Hard that it is his 40th which is normally time for a big celebration. If DP wants to do anything to celebrate maybe leave it until the week/weekend afterwards so you can grieve too and not having to be putting a brave face on it in front of other people. We'll have to come on here and support each other through as I'm not sure anyone in RL outside my immediate family will "get it".

I'm having a tough day today, feeling really low. I think my period is starting which is good in a way as it's only been 31 days and it shows things are getting back to normal. But also sad because a bit of me was hoping to fall pg again immediately even though I knew it was an impossibly long shot. Plus I've been reminded of how I lived from month to month for 8 years, geting depressed each time, and I'm thinking I'm going to be back to feeling that all over again. I thought the IVF would be an end of the living from month to month, a way to let go, but the way it worked out has made it 20 times worse.

I thought I was coping quite well this week but today hasn't been good. It seems like I had my chance and lost it and it feels too much to bear at times.

Original poster

nomorewine · 27/04/2010 20:13

Sorry to hear you have been low again, musicposy.
I have a feeling my period is looming too. Haven't been trying to get pregnant yet myself. Part of me is desperate to be pregnant again & the other half of me is terrified as I feel I couldn't go through all this again. Think I will give it a while.

Really feel for you, MP. Hope you are feeling a little better in yourself now. x

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