A year ago today.....

[Thandeka]

I lost my first pregnancy at 10 weeks- it was an MMC and horrific.

As I write this my beautiful 10 week old baby girl is in my arms. I got pregnant straight after with no period in between. The wonder of mumsnet kept me sane through those very anxious pregnant after miscarriage months.

Has been a hell of a year but ladies there is always hope and we all have to stay positive.(DD sustained brain damage during delivery so still drama's in this house- but she is doing great and heck she made it much further that my special little bean that didn't)

Anyhow just had to post to mark my initial loss in someway, as I feel a bit peculiar today (not sad as such, just musing on what might have been).

ahhh. I wish that i had writen down my dates.

I was just so consumed by the grief tbh.

I feel for your loss Thandeka - you write a lovely post.

I had a mmc in October 2008 and on 23rd April that little one would have been 1 year old. I remember the date of my mmc like you do, and I will have a little moment next week to reflect on the past year too.

I also conceived straight away after and my ds is now 7 months old - I wish you and your dd every happiness

Hi Thandeka,

I found your message so comforting. This is the first time I've ever been on mumsnet, and reading your message made me feel like it's a good place where I'm going to find comfort and support.

God bless your little girl, and the little baby you lost. Six weeks ago today we lost our son, Eric. I was 18 and a half weeks pregnant and I had to be induced. My waters had broken a few days beforehand, and without amniotic fluid they told us that he couldn't survive. It was our first pregnancy, and we were SO excited about becoming parents.

It was so good to hear you say that there is hope. Some days the sadness I feel just overwhelms me. We do want to try again, but we know that a new baby will never replace our lost son.

Meatntattypie I only know because it is same day as birthday as ex best friend. (ex best friend as she decided that she couldn't support me as DD was on NICU in the days after her birth because she herself is pregnant (due today infact- full circle!) and didn't want to traumatise herself. Fuck traumatising herself and give your friend in need some support! Grrrrrr! But hey erm that's a whole other issue- oops back to being nice on this thread!)

Margie32- so sorry to hear about your loss. I know I wanted to lamp people who said "it wasn't meant to be, and it'll happen for you etc etc. so I won't bother with crap like that but a couple of things that helped me was making a donation to the million mums campaign (for the mums who die in childbirth due to poor maternity care in developing countries) to train midwives. I donated £1 for every day I was pregnant- just made me think something positive was going to come out of the sadness.

When I fell pregnant again I also brought DD a soft toy from Mothercare (just tried to find link but can't) basically this was her present from her sibling who didn't quite make it back in April. It's very cool it is a big monkey (DD) attached to a mini monkey (her sibling to watch over her) and when you stretch the string that joins them it plays a tune and the little monkey gets pulled to the big monkey, she adores watching the monkey move and am very glad we brought it for her. We actually brought it on my due date for the last pregnancy and it really helped with the healing for the whole thing. When DD grows up we will probably tell her about the bean that never made it. I also have a toy elephant that I brought for the bean and I like to cuddle it sometimes.

Perhaps doing something like that might help you with your grief for Eric? Some ladies plant something too? I hope when you are ready you do fall pregnant straight away and that Eric watches from the stars to make sure his mummy and daddy get him a brother or sister that makes it all the way and beyond this time.

xxx

thandeka i remember your threads from when you miscarried. i was going through a miscarriage myself.

and i also remember posting on your thread about getting the test out of the bin! have named changed since.

glad to hear you had your dd is here now. Don't know much about brain damage sustained during birth, but hope she is ok.

and at your friend. i just dont understand some people.

sorry for your loss margie. mn can be a very caring and supportive site when it needs to be.

some of that makes no sense at all!

waves at mumatron- how are you doing?

thanks for the at my friend- I was soo tempted to post the story on AIBU but was scared they might side with her which would make me feel worse!

Thandeka,

Thanks so much for your wonderful reply, I loved all your suggestions, especially the toy monkeys! Sounds like such a great idea. I hope your DD is doing ok.

Now I have another question for you. I suspect I may be pregnant again. Today I noticed a couple of spots of blood in my knickers but I haven't bled anymore. Last time I was pregnant having a couple of spots of blood was one of the first signs, which I later worked out had been caused by implantation bleeding.

Like you after your miscarriage, I haven't had a period yet. I don't know whether to do a test straight away, or to wait a few more days. We haven't had that much sex since the miscarriage, and of course I had no idea if or when I was ovulating, but it's now been 44 days since the miscarriage and I don't know if that's a normal time to wait for my period to come back.

What do you think?

you may have a beautiful dd but will always remember your lost bean (malteaser?)

im ok thanks, pg again so nervous wreck, but i'll get through it. positive thinking this time.

and i dont think any one would say yabu about your ex bf.

how are you doing qos? when is your appt?