Not feeling right 2 weeks after miscarriage

[nomorewine]

2 weeks ago today I found out I had had a missed miscarriage. I had the d&c (or whatever it is now called) on the Thursday, then travelled to the French Alps on the Saturday. Had planned this holiday months before & thought it would do us good, and I guess it did.

A couple of days after getting there I had a few nights of horrible stomach cramps, but put it down to everything trying to shrink back to normal & the long journey not helping. Painkillers seemed to relieve it.

Been back since the early hours of Sunday morning after a 20 hour journey (we had 6 hour delay to get through the tunnel) & I still don't feel quite right. Have just about caught up on lost sleep, and bleeding has all but stopped (just occassional very light spotting), but my stomach still doesn't feel quite right (more an upset stomach/trapped wind feeling than period cramps though), I feel a bit sick too & just a general "not right" feeling.

Went a bit backwards emotionally when I came back as had to face that week on my calender, pregnancy tests that were still in my drawer & the bits from the midwife that I hadn't got round to throwing out.

Today I am snappy with the boys & just feel kind of out of sorts. Guess I had people around me a lot until now & am suddenly on my own again. Don't know whether I am still not right from all the travelling or whether I am not recovering properly from the op.

I also have a funny tingly nipple like you get when pregnant. Don't know what is normal & what is not.

Anyone??

Hiya

I felt really quite rough for six weeks after my last mc.. also felt quite pg for a while too.. I was nine weeks pg and when i spoke to the nurse she said that if the body takes that long to get itself ready to support your being pregnant then you should allow the same amount of time to get completely back to normal ..kind of made sense to me.. I also bled for five weeks ..

If you are worried or have a dodgy smelling discharge, get to the docs quick as it could be an infection ..

No, don't have a smelly discharge or temp. Feel a bit funny in the tummy area, but nothing too major, and a bit out of sorts. Been a bad day emotionally too, which probably doesn't help. I am just a bit of a mess all round atm.

Am feeling bloated & a bit sick. Will give it a few days & then may see a doctor. May be just my body trying to go back slowly.

Probably is exactly that .. ope you feel brighter soon and very sorry that you had to go through this ..

Good luck with next time x

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

Can you phone your GP and ask his advice? I would definitely go and get checked out, make sure you don't have an infection brewing.

If you develop a temperature then go straight to the doc/hospital.

It is normal to be snappy and emotional after a m/c, particularly when you have postponed reentry into normal life by being on holiday.

Take care of yourself, take the time to grieve.

Hey nomorewine,

Sorry to hear about your mc, sounds like you are having a rough time.

If it helps, I had a mmc in Jan, had the ERPC on the 8th Jan and then had diarrhea for about 3 weeks. It was pretty bad, I felt rubbish for ages (in fact, it took about a month until I felt anywhere near normal, physically). I remember it caused me no end of worry, as to be physically reminded every day of what happened was hard. I really feel for you

I did go to my GP at the time about it, and posted on MN about it - but basically, you may find your digestive system takes a while to recover as they'll have given you antibiotics (maybe even some to take after the ERPC?) and those can make your tummy funny, and also the general anaesthetic can have an effect too. I hope this helps in terms of knowing that it does happen to others too, but at the same time, I know it is hard waiting for your body to recover (especially if you've never been sick longer than a few days before, which was the case for me.)

Hope this helps a bit, take it easy on yourself,

xxxxxxx

Thank you for your messages. Will see how I go over the next couple of days & if I still feel funny, I will make a doctors appt.

Not sure if I did have antibiotics - was just sent home with painkillers. Should I have had them?

I don't think they always give them out, I was given a course for a week post op, but my mate had the same op and wasn't given any, so probably just depends on which hospital you go to!!

I'm pretty sure though that they do give you a dose of antibiotics during the op as a preventative thing, not completely sure they always do it but I do remember them saying to me they'd give me a dose during the op and then a week's course of them after.

Yeah, see if it improves and if not go see the doc - hope you start feeling better really soon though.

xxx

Hi there nomorewine, good to hear from you, though very sorry you're having such a tough time.

I don't know if I can help much except that nearly 3 weeks after ERPC I feel a bit better physically, but I wouldn't say things are normal yet. I had antibiotics prescribed for just the sort of pain you had when you were on holiday. I hadn't had them for the ERPC, so I think some places give them routinely and some don't. No idea if it was an infection but the worst of the pain went away - though I still get odd twinges. Have the odd periody type pains though I know it can't be a period yet, and I have definitely had the kind of upset tummy feeling you describe.

Someone on here said (can't remember where) that ERPC upsets your bowel and bladder a bit too because of all the interference. So I guess it's just a case of waiting for things to settle down. Having said that, if things don't get better/ get worse, I'd see the GP to be on the safe side.

It was probably good to go away even if it did slow your physical recovery a bit. We've just come back from 5 days away and although it wasn't the most happiness-filled holiday I ever had, it probably did me good in a way. I still kept thinking about it all though and I had a horrible moment when I suddenly realsied I was so far away without the baby (sounds stupid but you might know what I mean). Coming back to the real world is tough, especially because the initial sympathy you get starts to wane and people expect you to be normal, when in fact it's still incredibly tough.

As someone else with children already, I can tell you that my eldest in particular drove me up the wall for most of the holiday. I've gone from clinging on to the girls and sobbing to finding myself incredibly annoyed with their hyperactivity and general silliness. I don't think you should beat yourself up for feeling snappy - I think it's quite normal not to cope very well with behaviour you would normally take in your stride.

Keep posting on here and let us know how you are doing. I guess the emotional recovery takes time. I'm not crying so much now but I wish I could stop thinking about it all the time. I find I still need to talk but lots of friends and family have either moved on to something else or think I should have. So I think posting on here helps - keep in touch with how it is going for you. I do hope things get better - I think it's when you look back you realise you've made progress - and you might not be in that position yet, but you will be. xxx

Hi there, musicposy, I have been thinking of you & wondering how you were doing.

I seem to feel I take two steps forward & 4 back atm. One minute I think I am much better & nearly back to my old self, then the next minute I am really low again.
My DP has been an absolute rock though, letting me go over & over the same thing, often at times that he wants to sleep & being there for me as much as he can. He said he finds it hard seeing me so upset & not being able to make it better, bless him.

I guess it makes sense that there may be some interference to the bladder & bowel after the surgery.
I have found that when I need the toilet, I feel I need to go pretty quickly, and my tummy is constantly growling. Nothing too major, but it is just there & I am aware of it.

Know what you mean about friends & family. I just keep getting the "wasn't meant to be" line, or "next time it will be ok"
Guess they think they are being helpful, and I do realise it wasn't meant to be, but that doesn't stop me feeling sad or jealous of others who are having happy pregnancies. As for the "next time" line, when you have been through this, you don't think it would just all be ok, you worry it may never happen again, or if it did, you could be going through all this again. Couldn't bear to go through all this again.

Glad to hear you are feeling a little better, but I guess we have to expect the recovery to take time. It certainly helps to have others to talk to on here who really understand what you are going through.

How are you doing?

I think I am doing better. I'm over that inital shock, but I still feel very tearful at times. I'm not really crying any more, just feel terribly sad at times. I don't know if that's better or not - I don't want it to turn into depression and I feel very close to the edge at times. Other times I feel even quite happy. Weird that at the odd times I feel something near to happy I am thinking "wow, I feel Ok this morning". I guess I won't be truly through it until I stop noticing when I feel OK.

I'm back to work tomorrow (Mon) - it's been Easter hols so no teaching - and I'm dreading it. Normally I love what I do but I can't care about it in the slightest right now. Plus a couple of people knew I was pregnant and don't yet know it all went wrong, and quite a few others were giving me suspicious looks as I'd got quite big. If anyone tells me I've lost weight I'm very worried how I will react.

A couple of people have said to me that it wasn't meant to be or there was probably something wrong with it. But I would still rather have had it than no baby at all, so it doesn't really help. My biggest worry is that a pg will never happen again, but if it does I will be so scared of the same thing happening.

So, I'd say things are better but nowhere near to normal yet.

Hi musicposy and nomorewine, I just wanted to send my support to you as you were so kind, along with lots of other lovely people, to write on my recent thread. I have been feeling a bit guilty about not writing much on other peoples but every time I tried it has felt a bit too raw. But I think maybe I too am now over the initial shock, so want you to know I have been thinking about you all going through your own difficult times.
It is hard all the well meaning but actually meaningless phrases people come out with. I know it's not their fault, I would probably have said the same before this happened, but if one more person tells me it wasn't meant to be/ I have to be positive about the future I might just lose it! It really does feel as if you get a few weeks of sympathy and then if you are still grieving after that then you must be some kind of crazy person. I feel almost embarrassed at times for how heart broken I still am and feel like I have to hide it.
Musicposy I hope your first day back goes as well as it can. Take care of yourself. Nomorewine, I hope you are feeling better today x x

Thank you both for your massages, I can really empathise with exactly how you are both feeling.

Like you, musicposy, I am crying less but still feeling very low about it. When I have a good day or a day when I actually feel happy, I also think "wow, I haven't wobbled today", like it is a huge acheivement.
Felt like this on Friday, but then on Sat I really lost it again after the boys were really playing up. My eldest, who has AS, was especially pushing my buttons, and I came home & cried & cried. Felt all knotted inside like there was loads of built up tension. Was horrible.

I am back at work today after Easter (I work in a school) & last time I was there was the morning before the scan. Was going back in the afternoon that day, but obviously didn't, so have had a few people coming up to me & asking if I am ok, a couple hugged me & some just avoided the subject all together. Found it pretty tough going actually, even as I walked out of the building it brought back memories of walking out to DP's car to go to that horrible scan.
Guess it will get easier.

Off to the doctors later just to check all is ok after op. Having funny tingly/itchy nipple sensations now, almost like when you are pregnant. Guess it could be hormonal as it has only been a couple of weeks still, but I really wasn't told what to expect & am worrying about infections etc.

Now I have just had a phone call from my mum to tell me that yesterday my 39 year old cousin has died very suddenly, leaving an 11 year old DS. Know it is off topic, but just as you are getting over one thing, another horrible thing happens. Not liking 2010 so far.

I'm so sorry nomorewine You are going through so much

sending you unmnetty hugs I am so sorry I dont know what else to say

Oh, nomorewine. UnMNetty ((hugs)). So sorry for your loss. What a shock for your family.

I know what you mean, when people say that it was not meant to be, or it was for the best as there must have been something wrong, I wanted to scream. They are trying in their clumsy way to help and comfort, which is the only reason I did not scream.

Hope that the doc can put your mind at rest a bit. If you are feeling very fragile, would he sign you off for a couple of days? I know that you have been off for a while but sometimes it is good to take the time to really recover.

Thank you all.

Have just got back from doctors & she said it all sounded normal & basically the body responds like after you have had a baby, which explains the nipple sensations etc. She said it normally takes 4 to 5 weeks to settle. Horrible.

Still in shock about my cousin. She was so nice.
Why do horrible things all seem to happen on top of each other.

Oh gosh nomorewine ... I lost my cousin a year ago too..she was 34 ..
We were quite close and I miss her terribly .. It seems so damned unfair doesn't it ? She had everything to live for ..

I'm so sorry ..But I appreciate how tough it is when so much is going on in your life..

The stage post mc is the worst I think - you just want to get it over with but it feels like it drags so much, when all you really want to do is start to put it behind you but you can't because your body is constantly reminding you ..

I hope life settles down for you - the law of averages dictates that this can only go on for so long - things have to start looking up for you soon ..Be gentle with yourself ..x

un mumsnetty hugs to you ..xxxxxxx

dorcas, thank you for your support. It just helps so much to know other people understand.

Nomorewine, that's so sad about your cousin. 39, that's terrible, what a shock for you all. I have no idea why awful things seem to happen on top of each other, they just seem to. Just when you think you can't possibly take any more, life chucks something else at you. How awful for her little boy, too. Sending (((hugs))).

Life just goes from bad to worse here, too. DH has a disciplinary hearing on Thursday and faces the possiblilty of losing his job. He didn't do much, went through a door without the proper procedure (he says he can't think because his head is so all over the place with this miscarriage at the moment). Because of his line of work (airport security) it's gross misconduct and I'm terrified they will sack him. We are in debt as it is because of the IVF - I feel as though this is just too much to cope with.

I'm not liking 2010 either. It has to get better than this.

Glad that at least the docs appointment was reassuring, nomorewine, even if it's frustrating waiting for your body to get back to normal.

Oh no, musicposy, I hope your DH is going to be ok, it sounds very unfair.

It really does seem like a test at times, to see how much you can take before cracking doesn't it?
Hope the year gets better for you. xx

Oh nomorewine I'm so sorry about your cousin. Life is very cruel sometimes and these things always seem to happen at once. And musicposy I will be thinking of you and DH on Thursday and hoping that they will show a bit of understanding towards him. My OH also made a bit of a major mistake at work last week too, and got a real bollocking- it is so hard on them too all of this and its understandable that they will be distracted and not at their best. I guess the nature of your DH's work means that they have to act so toughly on him but surely to god they will have some compassion.
Take care of yourselves.

I certainly hope so, dorcas. I think it is so hard on partners, harder than people realise. I think DH has taken it every bit as hard as me, but shows it in different ways. He can't really talk about it like I can. He seems to only discuss technology and sport with his friends and if I talk to him about it he just sits there looking uncomfortable - he hates not being able to fix it for us. So I think it is all bottled up inside. I think society can be hard on men in such times; they're just expected to take it in their stride. But it was his baby too and he'd got so excited about it and was in real shock when it didn't work out.

Thanks for your support. I can't get over how people on here who have been through so much heartache themselves are so brilliantly supportive.