MMC spotting? advice please

[Jakey87]

hi all, i was told 9 weeks ago i was having a MMC, i decided to wait it out as i felt my body owed it to me to do this naturally as it had not actualy realised somthing was wrong with my baby and the sac was still growing. after finding out baby had stoped groing at 5+4 i chose to wait, after waiting so long i decided at my next scan i would ask about other options as i was realy not coping anymore with the uncertanty and felt i couldnt leave the house just incase the bleeding started realy heavy and i kept bursting into tears without warning.
i had some brown discharge and cramps yesterday morning which the hospital said was spotting, they changed my scan from today to thursday over the phone.
through last night i was woken with realy bad cramps and bright red spotting and today i still feel uncomfortable but the bleeding has stopped.
has anyone else experienced this?
will it continue to happen naturaly in its own time or will i need to ask hospital to still use other options?
iv been thinking about the tablets as i just feel like i need some closure but iv heard people had a bad experience with it and im scared of what to expect, i cant stand the thought of a d&c and having my baby scraped away by a stranger.
i feel like my body dose not belong to me anymore, it didnt realise the baby was gone, i still have a 14 week bump as sac was/is still growing, i just cant help but think my body owes it to me to mc naturally but that dose not seem to be happening either.
any advice or experiences would be very helpfull x

Hello, you posted on my thread earlier today. I'm so sorry you are going through this. From my own (very recent) experience, I think it is usual for the sac to continue growing. I can totally relate to your feelings of not coping with the uncertainty.

I had my follow up scan on wed. I had decided beforehand that I wanted to have an erpc but was told I had to wait a further 2 weeks as the sac had grown. I did bleed on & off from wed evening onwards. I've had miscarriages in the past, but found my missed miscarriage far harder to deal with - the not knowing when things would happen & hating my body for it.

I passed the little one earlier today, I would have been 9+2 weeks pg. I'm sorry I can't tell you when/if things will happen. But can offer a hand to hold.

x

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this. It must have been 9 weeks of hell. The one piece of comfort I can give is that if you have started to lose blood, it does sound as though your body has caught on and things may very well progress naturally. It took my body 12 weeks to realise that all was not well with my pregnancy and, much like you, I had pregnancy symptoms and a little baby bump by then because the sac was still growing. Unlike you, I wasn't aware there was a problem until the 12 week scan, but I had already started to bleed at that point, which made my decision a lot easier than I imagine yours has been.

I don't think there is an easy option when it comes to miscarriage. I opted for the natural route and it was pretty hideous, but everyone is different and, since you can't possibly know what to expect, you can only do what you think will be best for you at this time. Not much comfort, I know. For me, the natural route started with brown spotting (much like a period and manageable for the first week), followed by gradually heavier blood loss and labour pains as my cervix dilated. One day was particularly bad - very heavy blood loss and a lot of pain, but this is not the same for everyone and, from what I've heard since, my experience was not the norm. Having said that, the worst of it was over in about 3-4 hours and I took comfort in the fact that I hadn't had to have surgery. The downside is that recovery from a natural mc can be longer, although some people have had similar problems whichever option they take.

I can't really comment on the tablets, except that it seems a lot of people have found that process rather traumatic and painful. The ERPC/ D&C option is surgery, but relatively quick and painless from what I've read. I hope none of this has upset you. I just found the information from the hospital to be rather useless and would probably have made a very different decision had I known what to expect. I hope this horrible wait is over soon for you.

thank you all for replys and words of comfort, still no signs of anymore blood but i am having dull cramps every now and then.
realy hope this is over soon so i can concentrate on making a a memory of my child and try to face the future, will keep u posted

I'm so, so sorry that you are going through this - I can't even imagine how traumatic it must be. I had an mmc at 11 weeks, but baby clearly had never been viable, and I was also 'lucky' in that my body coped within a week. I too am surprised that the hospital have let this go on for so long - I hope this isn't too blunt, but I would be a little concerned about the risk of infection, and also the psychological damage. I still cry about my mmc two years and a baby later. Please take care of yourself and get this investigated - you need to look after yourself and take care of yourself physically, then you can grieve. They have counsellors who you can talk to if you need to go through what is happening to you before you make a decision. xx

i did ask about infection risks and i was told that because the sac is still growing and my body still thinks its carrying a healthy baby the risk of infection is very minimal, as for phychological damage i feel like my body dose not belong to me and my head is all over the place with my brother passing away then finding out i was pregnant a week later was very aquard with mixed emothions and when i finaly came to terns with allowing myself to be happy and told my family we were all elated with somthing to look forward to and focus on, then it was all taken away agin and had to deal with double grief, i cant help but feel my body has let me down and i have let my family down by building up their hopes (and mine) and then dashing them again, i know people say its not the womans fault and theese things happen but i cant help but think if i had found out sooner and took care of myself a bit better while living in hospital accomidation while my brother was ill and would not have drank a full bottle of wine after my brother died then mabey things would have been different. my mind is all over the place and im so glad there are people on here who understand what im going thru, iv been thinking of talking to a councilor but dont think i could discuss my feelings with a stranger. people who have not been through the loss of a child would not understand.
take care all x

Jakey, it's not your fault and it's almost certain that nothing you did or didn't do made any difference at all. I know just how you feel - I had a mc just under 2 weeks ago and I went over and over everything in my mind. I kept thinking "what if I'd rested more? what if I hadn't done this? Or that?" But probably nothing would have changed the outcome. Whilst they might not recommend downing a bottle of wine, I doubt very much that caused your miscaariage. With my elder daughter, I didn't know I was pregnant - we flew to Italy where I got seriously drunk every single night -bottle of wine a night - before I found out. She was perfectly healthy. This time round, I rested, took all the vitamins, ate healthily, avoided alcohol and caffeine - and miscarried at 9 weeks. So please, please don't beat yourself up. It wasn't your fault.

I know how you feel about letting your family down, too. My family were all so excited especially my parents who are in their 70s and were thrilled at the thought of a new grandchild. My two girls have cried buckets since the mc, and my OH is not coping well. I feel I've put everyone through so much upset. But, I wasn't to know it would end this way, and nor were you. Maybe you should think instead, that, at least for a little while, you gave them something to help them through the worst of the grief over your brother.

You've been through a truly awful time; a miscarriage is bad enough without it coming on top of other grief. But things will gradually improve, for you and your family. I am only 12 days on, and although I am still very sad and still crying quite often, I'm in a much better place than I was even a week ago. You will never forget, but you will eventually cope better with it.

Don't worry how often you have to post on here for support. If you are still struggling, hospitals can put you in touch with bereavement counsellors, and seeing as you've had a double bereavement, you might find that helpful. I think they would understand because they deal with this kind of thing all the time. I'd think that's worth asking about.

Take care and be gentle on yourself. xxx

thank you all for the support, i have decided that if things are not underway by thursday when i go for my next scan im going to ask about tablets, i just can not comprehend a stranger taking my baby from me(if that makes sence)so the D&C is not an option for me.
i think in a way experiencing the pain and knowing when it will happen will be a strange kind of relief if you know what i mean, i wanted to hold on as long as it took but im starting to fear for my mental health, the longer i wait the more time i have to think of what went wrong? did i hurt the baby? why give the baby a heart beat to take it away agin? it seems so cruel etc and im driving myself mad with bad dreams, snapping at family who dont know how to act around me and im crying at the drop of a hat without warning.
i know you have all had similar experiences and i am truely very sorry for your loss, i am so pleased there are people who are willing to discuss this as no one else seems to understand.
take care all x

Jakey - I totally understand everything you've said - I hope I didn't make any suggestions that seemed tactless. Can I make one further one: I had acupuncture after my mc, and very soon passed the sac. It is said to be very effective at helping your body deal with things naturally. Worth a try?

And you did nothing wrong. It's a horrible cruel thing to happen but it was absolutely not your fault. I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother too, and I hope you will allow people to support you in RL - I don't mean counsellors - just let people in a bit when you're ready (it may be months, but give yourself time).

thank you all, i rang the hospital today and im going for the first tablet of medical management tomorro after my scan, have to go back to hosp and stay all day for the second part on saterday. will keep you posted x