Conservative management for missed miscarriage – am I mad?

[BayeauxT]

Hi everyone, I?m going through my second missed miscarriage in a row (currently 9+4 although the baby stopped growing at 4/5 weeks). Last time I only found out at the 12-week scan, which was a shock as there were no signs anything was wrong. This time I went for an early ?reassurance? scan at 7 weeks ? hah! Ironically, my symptoms this time were stronger than in any of my previous pregnancies.

Anyway, this time around I have opted not to go through with the ERPC, even though I know it is the more convenient option. My DH has been sweet but at the same time I can see him thinking ?why not just get it over with?? and I?m sure other people I?ve told think the same.

I just find it hard to explain to them why I feel like I have to do it this way. The last ERPC was OK, but my cycle was messed up for ages afterwards and it did occur to me that maybe there was some scarring (very lights periods afterwards). But, the main reason I decided not to have the ERPC was that I feel very let down by my body and I just want to give it a chance to do what it?s b*** well supposed to do! Does that make sense to anyone? Maybe I'm just setting myself up for further disappointment and my body will just NEVER get the message that I shouldn't be pregnant! I dunno!

If you?ve got this far down the post can I ask: Has anyone sat it out and was it ?worth? it?

Thanks

I sat it out and felt very strongly that it was the right thing to do - my body was sorting itself out - also I couldn't have faced a night in hospital without DH. So I think I understand the way you feel, and it worked for me.

But....
I had already started bleeding, so it's medically different.
There is a lot of blood for a long time, so it is inconvenient.

Good luck and best wishes.

I think you have to do what you feel is right. irrelevant of what is convenient or not. For me i felt i needed the erpc, mc'ing naturally just does not work for me. my body does not like to give it up!

if you are comfortable with what might happen, blood loss, what you might see and the pain etc, then go for it.

hope that you dont have to much of a bad time x

and i should of said, very sorry for your loss.

So very sorry for your loss.

When i had a mmc i decided to let nature takes it's course but after a couple of days i realised that i couldn't so that as wasn't coping very well at all so i opted for the medical management as the ercp wasn't for me but it is true what others have said in that do what feels right for you.

The medical management (tablet) was very traumatic and painful but i would still do that again if needed to (fingers crossed i wont though)
hugs to you and takecare
XXX.

Hello Bay, can't tell you if it's worth it yet as I'm going through it now. I'm on day 15 since the bleeding started. I found out quite early on that something may be not right at about 6wks went for scans every 10 days was booked for an erpc after scan at about 10wks but started bleeding the night before so decided to cancel erpc. Bleeding/pain wasn't too bad but 10 days later another scan showed incomplete mc and nothing much is happening so i've got another scan 10days time to see if it has resolved. If not I've got to have the erpc anyway because of the infection risk. My body just doesn't want to let go The waiting is probably the worst bit.

Hope all goes well for you

Bay, I was in pretty much the same situation. I decided to await events as didn't quite believe the scan results at the time. 5 days later I began to bleed, it was just like a heavy period with strong cramps that were easily managed with a hot water bottle and painkillers. I had a scan after 4 days to confirm the miscarriage was complete (which it was). I think that taking the natural route helped my body adjust, my first period was just 28 days later. It's a really individual choice though. Hope things go smoothly for you, I'm sorry you have had to experience this too.

Hi Bay, sorry for what you are going through.

Like you, have had 2 MMC in a row, first at 12+6, baby died at 11+6. Second at 11 weeks, baby died at 9.

Like you, had an ERPC first time. And I feel it messed my cycle up for a few months and it took me longer to conceive again.

This time there was a waiting list for the ERPC and I started to MC naturally 6 days after the scan. Cramps and 5 hours of extremely heavy bleeding, then a 10 day bleed decreasing in intensity. Finished about 10 days ago. It was ok. (And I'm hoping that my cycles are more familiar once it gets going again)

BUT I do know that everyone is different and their MCs will also be. What the ERPC does is give you a definite timeframe. And having had one you'll know how it affects you.

Good luck. Hope if you TTC again, like me, it'll be 3rd time lucky.

Thanks for all the replies. Who would have thought that I'd be WISHING for a miscarriage to start... I'm kind of resigned to it taking at last another 3 weeks to start, since I made it to 12 weeks before without any signs so I just need to see if I can handle that. I have another scan booked for 2 weeks so that will hopefully tell me if it's starting to come away or not.

And then, when it does start, I really hope it's all over in a week or so - spottysox, yours is worst case scenario - waiting for it to start and then finding it doesn't end! I didn't really think about that as a possibility, but it's good to know, and I hope you have better news at your next scan.

Jollster, sorry you have had the same thing happen, although it seems even more unfair as you were further along than me. I hope TTC3 is the one for you; not sure if I can TTC again and go through it again though (I'm a glass half empty kind of girl!)

Lunatic, a time limit is a good idea - I'm thinking end of April/start of May, when I would be around 14 weeks (plus I'm going on holiday at the end of May so I would like everything over by then!)

Bay totally understand how you are feeling about TTC again. Didn't use to .... always thought why don't people keep trying? But I now know how TTC and then the heartbreak of MC can take over your life... .

I am blessed to have one DS and I would dearly love him to have a sibling (ideally 2 ). BUT I have just turned 42 so time is definitely not on my side. I seem to get pg quickly (first month with DS, first month with MMC1, after 3 cycles with MMC2). This might suggest that my eggs are just too old!!

BUT I feel I can't give up yet. Because I won't have the chance to leave it a bit and reconsider. Every month counts

Anyway back to you... . FWIW I didn't think I would MC naturally; didn't dilate with DS, had to have an EMCS. Hence choosing ERPC, but 2nd time round it did happen... I hope it does for you if that's what you want.

Take care x

I hope it happens naturally for you.

When I found out I had MMC I was 12+3 and baby had died at 8/9 weeks. I felt the 4 weeks or so my body had already had was long enough. I just wanted it over.

ERPC wouldn't have been for me, so I opted for MM. Nothing could have prepared me for what that was like, physically and emotionally. Part way through I started wondering whether I should have chosen ERPC, but as soon as it was over I reverted back to thinking that was the right choice for me. If I had to make this choice again (and I really hope I never have to) I would make that same choice.

You must do whatever is right for you.

Managed miscarriage just doesn't appeal to me at all - I think it's the thought of having hospital staff and other 'patients' around while I am going through it, examining bedpans and whatnot (or maybe I have the wrong idea of it)... plus they say in 30% (?) of cases you end up having a ERPC anyway...

Old eggs, yes indeed - I am on the wrong side of 35 and also wondering if that is the reason for the situation in which I find myself... I have a DD and would also love for her to have a sibling... she keeps asking if Daddy has put his seed in my bottom yet (that must be where we are going wrong!)

Anyway, thanks again for the replies and I hope everyone else has better luck next time!

I got to my 12 week scan before I was given bad news, but I had actually started to bleed beforehand, so that made the decision much easier for me. Opting for the natural route seemed to make much more sense than surgery or being watched whilst I was miscarrying. Can't think of anything worse!

Having said that, I was completely unprepared for how horrible the natural process would be and my cycles are still completely screwed up 6 months later, so it seems there is no easy way to go through this process. In light of my personal experience, I would almost certainly opt for an ERPC if this happened again, but that is only because of the experience I had.

I think you must go with whatever the right choice seems to be for you at this moment in time as there really is no right or wrong except what 'feels' right to you now.

I hope this horrible wait is over soon for you. xx

Bayeaux - I was in a private room on a gynae ward. I didn't come into any contact with any other patients at all though. All the staff were very sensitive, and left me on my own when i wanted that. I had a private toilet in my room and I left the bedpans in there and they came and took them away covered to examine them. Pooing in a bedpan isn't my idea of fun, but they were very sensitive about that too. My husband was in the room with me all day.

I was not told it was 30% of cases that needed ERPC after, just told that that was "very rare". I know for some people it doesn't work properly but for me, the day itself was traumatic, but I am now 2 days passed that and physically i am better. I bled yesterday, but today am only spotting. I have no pain now.

We are all different but this was the right choice for me for sure.

Good luck with whatever you decide, i hope it is all over for you soon and then you can start to move on xx

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss.

I've had 2 MMC's and waited it out both times. The first time I only waited a couple of days before I started bleeding, but the second time I waited 3 weeks; probably because I found out early (I'd gone for an early scan for reassurance). I don't know how it compares to a hospital experience as I've not had one of those but I felt that being at home while it happened, being able to do things my way, gave me the chance to grieve as I felt I needed to. However, the long wait the second time did mess with my head; the bleeding took a while anyway (also had to go for a follow-up scan to check the MC was complete) so I didn't get to put it behind me for ages. I wouldn't recommend waiting that long.

Both times were pretty painful; I'd suggest getting prescription painkillers in advance so you've got them in the house when you need them. I was also told that hospital admission might still be needed depending on how things went; do discuss what circumstances you might need to go in with your specialist.

Wishing you all the very best.

hi BayeauxT, im so sorry that your going through this aswell, i found out at an early scan that my baby had no heart beat at 5weeks 4 days, after scan i was sent home with 3 booklets and told to decide which miscarage option i wanted to use, i chose the conservative option as my irrational thinking at the time was my baby got in there naturally and it should come out naturally, but that was 9 weeks ago and i have had no cramp or bleeding or any other signs that anything is going to happen soon, im walking around with a 14 week baby bump as even though my baby is gone the sack is still growing because my body has yet to realise im no longer carrying a healthy baby.
im due at the hospital for my 7th scan on tuesday and im going to ask to discuss the other options which i am terrified of to be honest but to save my sanity i need this to be over as people are starting to notice now and trying to explain there wil not be a baby at the end of all this is tearing me apart.
at first i thought i had chosen the right option for me but iv got to the point where i hardly leave the house for fear of bleeding realy heavy and not being able to get home, when i do actualy manage to sleep im having bad dreams about my baby being in pain, i know that sounds rediculous but this has realy took its toll on me and i dont feel i can cope on my own any more, and even though my employers have been realy supportive and told me to take as long as i need off work, i realy cant afford to be off work much longer without ending up with more dept than i can handle either, i feel like im in a black hole that i cant get out of.
i split with my partner after talking out my anger on him, not blaming him but he was the only one here so he got the brunt of it and now im left to deal with my m/c and everything else on my own.
im sorry if this is long and drawn out but i just wanted to share my experience with people who understand, i dont mean to scare you or upset you in any way, but i wish someone had shared their experiences with me before i got in over my head. i admire you for being strong enough to cope with the conservative method and i realy hope you dont have to wait as long as i have hun, my sympathy is with you, thank you for taking the time to read this xxx

Hi Jakey, I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through - I can't imagine dealing with this for 9 weeks, with still no signs of anything happening, plus coping with a relationship ending as well.

I hadn't even thought that your bump could carry on growing as well... it is just such a cruel thing to happen and frankly my worst nightmare! I can only imagine what you must be going through and I really hope you are able to come to some sort of conclusion at your next scan.

I really appreciate you telling me about it - it does scare me that the same thing could happen, although I have set myself an 'end date' of 13 weeks and then I will admit defeat and have the D&C. Or maybe before that, I dunno... my morning sickness came back in full force this weekend, sore bbs, and like you I haven't been able to sleep properly since I went for the first scan, so just over 2 weeks ago. The thought of another 3 weeks of this with nothing to show for it has been getting me down. Do you have any other children? I have one and I feel bad that I have been snappy and irritable over Easter, when I should have been enjoying spending time with her.

Just re-read your post - is your scan tomorrow? Let me know how it goes, would really like to know.

Thanks

hi BayeauxT, my scan was supposed to be today 6th but i had slight cramp and a show this morning and when i rang the hospital they changed my scan to thursday.
i cant help but feel that every time i make a choice it is taken away again. i have had no bleeding since early morning which was a brownish stuff that the hospital said was a show, i dont have cramps exactly but i am feeling a bit uncomfortable at the moment.
i do not have any other children, this baby would have been my first and although unplanned, after the shock a very much wanted child.
my brother was rushed to hospital 2 days before xmas and i missed my contraceptive pill for 2 days but carried on taking it as nornal after that and didnt think anything of it.
my brother sadly passed away in january and i thought the stress of his death and helping my parents arrange his funeral had caused my period to be late, so finding out i was expecting was a huge shock and a lovely suprise at the same time, now i guess the stress and not eating and not sleeping properly while living in visitors acomidation at the hospaital for 3 weeks didnt give it the best start, and not realy looking after my self when we brought my brother home for his final days probably didnt help it either, im afraid to say that this baby didnt realy stand a chance but had i known i was expecting i would have made sure i looked after my self a bit better, i cant help blaming my self as all iv ever wanted to be is a mother and i feel like iv let my self and my family down, raising their spirits after mark's death and then dashing their hopes again.
my head is still all over the place and i have come to stay with my parents for a few days so im not on my own if the bleeding dose start on its own. i realy do hope u have a better time of it than i have.
its not your fault your feeling stressed out and emotional, im sure your little one will forgive you for not being your self over easter, i hope you have all the support you need hun, i will keep you posted, take care