Some positive stories please. MC as I write

[tingelingle]

Hi, I'm in the process of 1st mc and struggling to come to terms with it. Lots of emotions but mostly fear about whether I'll be able to have more children. I have 1 DD. I can't even begin to think about the loss I'm feeling right now, I'm too scared to go down that path. So focusing on the future is my way of coping.

I conceived my DD on 1st month of trying and felt lucky when we conceived again after only 1 month of trying. But this time it wasn't meant to be. I feel very confused - how can i get pregnant so easily, have a healthy baby and then lose another one just as 'easily' (I mean quickly, this is not easy).

I just wanted to hear from people who have suffered in similar circumstances to me and had a happy ending. I need to believe this is a one off. There are so many threads on here about multiple mcs and I don't think I could bear that.

Hi there. How strange that we both post similar type things at virtually the same time. Can't reassure you in that I am just finishing my 1st mc (like you 2nd pg, both happened straight away). Just wanted to know that you are not alone.

Hi Tinge and Playing,

I'm so sorry about your miscarriages, and I know there are lots of ladies here who will give you loads of support. Hope you are getting lots of support in real life too.

I'm sure others will come along shortly with lots of positive stories, but I'm posting this link as I asked a similar question at the start of the year and got lots of reponses. Link here.

Although I can't speak from experience (I've had one mc, and ttc again, but no babies yet) I was told the following stories by the very few people I had told about the pregnancy and miscarriage - which amazed me as I had told only a couple of people and they all had either been through it or knew someone who had:

• my neighbour's first pregnancy was a mmc, she then had 2 DDs and is trying for third
• bumped into an old friend going for a check up on her second successful pregnancy as I waited for scan, she had mmc before her two DCs
• other friend had one DS, then mc, then second DS immediately after
• my Mum had mc inbetween 5(!) successful pregnancies
• my mate's Mum had mc in between two successful pregnancies
• my boss' wife had one mc and then three DS

I know it's not for everyone, but the positive stories helped me too. I actually have met anyone in RL who hasn't gone on to have healthy babies after miscarriage, and I realise that is all anecdotal, but I keep a mental note of these success stories when I feel sad that I don't have a baby yet.

I hope the next few weeks and months go ok for you both. Big hugs.

xxxxxxxxxx

Thank you goodluckbear. And thank you to all those mums who posted in response to your thread last year, so unwittingly to mine. It's been incredibly comforting. I tend to be a worrier and get drawn into reading story after story and convince myself that'll be me too. Who knows. Just need to stay positive and remember this is the cycle of life, as one poster to your thread said.

Playing (I like your name choice, that's how I feel usually). I'm truly sorry for your loss but it makes me realise as we post there are many others going through this but probably many more giving birth to healthy babies.

Stay positive both of you, for being so lovely to me you deserve all you wish for. And thanks for making me feel normal. Ish :-)

xxx

I had two miscarriages last year both very early losses both classed as missed miscarriages. (no children). I too grieved like mad (still am) and felt there was something wrong with my body. I am now nearly 21 weeks pregnant had 20 week scan Monday and everything looked good. Not counting my chickens yet as learnt not to take things for granted but just wanted to say that you can get beyond that early bit.
My Doctor said to me that it was just one of those things and that there is no rhyme or reason to losses. My heart goes out to you. xxx

Hi tingle - I am very sorry for your loss. Believe me when I say it will get better. Unfortunately for me, it kept getting worse before it got better! I've had 4 mc's and no dc. I've had all the tests and like Buckler, my docs have said that it's just bad luck, and I guess some of us have more bad luck than others!!

I'm currently almost 11 weeks (and counting!). Have faith...most women do go on to have children, even after multiple mc's.

Hello, I am sorry to hear you are having a miscarriage. I had one in January between 6-7 weeks and had no idea it would hurt (emotionally) so much. We decided not to avoid ttc and I got pregnant I guess 2 weeks after. I am now 9 weeks and terrified, but I hope that gives you hope that you could fall pg again quickly.

I am trying to think that it COULD happen again but it PROBABLY WON'T. ie. the odds are in our favour. Good luck.

I had 3 mcs over three years of ttc - we started when my dd was 15 months old. We now have a beautiful ds and the memory of those painful years is eclipsed by how lovely he is. I had not planned or wanted a five year gap between my children but it has actually turned out to be rather wonderful - I have time at home with the baby while she is at school and she has not struggled too much with sibling rivalry as he is so far behind her in terms of development.

Multiple mcs are the oddity not the norm. Most women (including my mother and sister) go on to have perfectly uneventful pregnancies. My sister has four beautiful healthy children and had mcs before her first and between her second and third. It just happens, we usually don't know why and we have to try and make sense of it as best we can. Hang on in there, it is so hard to believe some times, but it will happen.

Hi tingle I was like you 18 months ago, or thereabouts, I had 1 dc, fell first month of trying round with next pg, but sadly miscarried at 11 weeks, was devastaed but kept looking ahead, waited 2 months then got pg again first month of trying, only to lose again, this time at 6 weeks. Don't know how I coped really, had suppport from some lovely ladies on here. Tried again after just 1 month and again fell pg first time of trying, he is now a bouncy 6 month old. I hope this gives you hope, as reading about others like this helped me too. One of the things that kept me going was the knowledge that I had had a child before therefore I could to it again. So sorry for your loss, and good luck for the future xx

Don't know how to say thank you without it sounding trite. But all your replies mean so much. Tonight, I'm having a needed beer. Tomorrow, we move on. My DD keeps giving me massive hugs, like she knows, and is such a comic that it's impossible not to laugh and be positive.

Love to all Mummies, those to be, and those still hoping. xxx

Tinglelingle and Playing - sorry to hear your stories. I know exactly how you feel about your body failing you - I'd had two dc's really easily and thought I was pretty invincible about having babies on demand. Then had a surprise pregnancy that I lost at 10 +2 - which was truly hideous, as you both know only too well. It took 7 months to concieve again but I'm now 31 weeks pregnant and my LO is kicking as I write.
Look after yourselves, allow yourselves to grieve for your LLO's, eat lots of mini eggs and be reassured that mc's are very, very common and you will go on to have more children but will be much more grateful for them when they do arrive and have wells of sympathy for anyone else who you find has mc'd.

These stories are both upsetting and uplifting, I feel for you all.
I have a teenage dd, 2nd pregnancy resulted in miscarriage at ten weeks in Nov 08 which really upset me after wanting a baby for a very long time (although not actively trying for long) Started trying again after a couple of months and luckily got pregnant again very quickly and now have a beautiful 4 month old dd born almost a year to the day of miscarriage.
Feel very privileged to have her but did spend my whole pregnancy very anxious that things would go wrong.
So, good news! There is hope after miscarriage. You have to allow yourself time to grieve for the baby you've lost, seek help if you are struggling (I saw a counsellor for a while which really helped) and try and be positive for the future.
Good luck.

My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage - so at that point you don't know if you will ever be able to have children at all.
Luckily I went on to have 3 more pregnancies and all resulted in healthy children.

It's after you have had a MC that you find out just how many other people have also had one - I had never realised my mum had 2 but then went on to have 4 DC altogether. Nearly all the men I worked with at the time said that their wives had had at least one. It affects so many more people than you realise.
Good luck when you try again.