men and miscarriage

[trycyclic]

can anyone advise how to deal with a partner who cannot deal with you being depressed and crying and hurting and not being able to face life etc? my partner says there is nothing to grieve as there was never a death as there was never a birth. when I sob he ignores me, when I try to talk he changes the subject. he just wants time and space to himself and that I need to deal with it like him as "its the best way". I need reassurance but am afraid that asking for it may break up my relationship. how do couples survive when the differences in grieving are too great? thanks

Poor you. I know how you feel and being left lonely while you're grieving makes it so much worse.

Some men can't deal with the emotional bit. Any man excited at the prospective birth of his first child has to be hurting after a miscarriage but some of them just deal with it like they're ringing a plumber. It doesn't mean they don't care, they just don't want to talk about it.

You have to deal with the grief and with the seesawing hormone levels that are probably making you feel lousy. You need to find someone who will listen. I had a sister who had been through the same thing so I had someone I could talk to who understood. The whole ""wondering if there's something so wrong that you'll never have a baby" was dealt with too because she subsequently had 3 perfectly healthy babies.

Give yourself some time, try not to resent his apparent indifference and find someone to rant at and weep over. You have every right

How are you today? I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had a miscarriage on valentines day at 8 weeks and think I've done really well so far and tried to stay cheerful. DH dealt with it in the same way as me by trying to TTC again ASAP. When AF started on Mother's Day it all hit me at once and now I just can't stop crying. DH just keeps saying I should be enjoying DD and looking forward to things (he is right I know) but I just feel so

its got worse. for complicated reasons i have kept on my very empty rented flat and now he is booting me out back there despite my currnet health to sit alone very evening in a flat which has no furniture except a bed. and no email or landline so cannot contact my mother who lives in germany. he says review in a week--he needs his time and space. he read the miscarriage leaflet and says it makes my behaviour make more sense but never told me this until i asked him today if he had read stuff i downloaded onto his deaktop. turns out he read leaflets ages ago but never said anything. can t believe my so called best friend can be so mean. am i panicking too soon. am i predicting the catastrophic end of our long term relationship because i had another miscarriage. 2 weeks ago i was pregnant and finally moving in giving up the flat. i have plenty of people with understanding and sympathy but hes my partner!!! i need him right now too. am i selfish?

I can't imagine anyone doing that. If you are truly distressed, pushing you into isolation is downright dangerous. That certainly isn't the action of a "best friend".

Sorry to ask but did he want the baby? Was it tried for or was it an accident?

If it were me, I'd be moving back into the flat, rebuilding my home and making it clear that being treated like that is not acceptable. You deserve a lot better. But it's not me.

You have to decide if you want to spend your life with someone who could be so unkind.