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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

2nd MC in 6 months

12 replies

zxcvbnm · 04/03/2010 13:02

I have just come back from the hospital and found out i have had another mc at 7 weeks in 6 months. i need to have treatment but don't know if i can face going back in to hospital and having an operation. I don't know what to do next the doctors say just keep trying but i don't think i can go through this again. last time i cudn't cope and was signed off for two months on and on depressents. I have a beautiful 2 year old son and every keeps saying oh well you got him why do you need another baby. I feel like my body is working against me and i don't what to do. Please if any one has been through this or has some advice i really need it

OP posts:

mumatron · 04/03/2010 16:18

sorry you are going through another mc.

i dont have any advice as such. have had 4 mc myself so know what you are going through.

you dont need to make a decision right now about what medical intervention you have to have. take a few days to think it through. have you had any bleeding yet? what did you do for the last mc?

people can be so insensative wrt mc. it shouldnt matter if you have 10 children or no children. you are still going to grieve for what could of been.

i have 2 dc, a boy and a girl so people are very dismissive of why i would need another. i even had to justify why i wanted another when i had a sickness review in work (needed quite alot of time off due to mc)

dont rush into making any firm decisions about ttc again. if your not sure have a few months off, let your body and hormones settle and make sure you talk things through with your dp/dh.

are you in a position where you could pay for recurrent mc tests yourself, instead of waiting for a possible 3rd mc?

speak to your gp. some will offer to do some of the basic blood tests for you.

take care of your self and hope things go ok for you

Original poster

zxcvbnm · 04/03/2010 19:28

thanks. I;m seeing Gp tomorrow who has been brilliant shame they weren't so sensitive at the hospital. I think that i would like to have more tests because i don't think i can go through this again i'm in shock atm i don't really feel anything but because of last time i no how unbearable the pain in when it sets in. I'm scared i can't cope this time it took everything i had to pull my self out of the depressions last time. I work for social services which makes returning to work harder as my job is emotionally draining. Going to have a while off and try and get my head right.

thanks for your support it means alot. its makes so much difference that other ppl understand what i'm going through xx

OP posts:

mumatron · 04/03/2010 19:31

there are loads of us here who have been where you are right now.

like i said, take your time. do what feels right and come and find support here whenever you need it

kissmummy · 04/03/2010 22:32

hi, i know how you feel. my second miscarriage was a big shock. i went on to have another two after that, and perhaps i'll have more. i don't think it's possible to think straight about the future/options etc amid the initial horror of finding out you've had another miscarriage. After my fourth i told my DH that i did not want to try again if we didn't have some answers as to what is wrong with me and some form of treatment. Well, since then, we've had every test under the sun and nobody can find anything wrong except possibly NK cells which is controversial. yet we're ready to try again. I'm sure if i have a fifth miscarriage i'll wonder how i can possibly have put myself through it but whilst there is any hope i want to keep going.
i find it takes me about four months to totally recover from each miscarriage so please give yourself time; don't rule anything out right now. Try to take one day at a time and get through it; don't think bigger than that. do whatever makes you feel better - if it's eating cakes, biscuits, chocolate, go for it - who cares if you put on a few pounds. you can worry about that when you're feeling stronger! if it's long hot baths, have those. If it's boxed sets of DVDs, watch as many as your little boy will give you time for. when you emerge from the fog, plan something special to look forward to. From experience, holidays don't take away the pain - i cried every day on holiday after my third miscarriage - so it doesn't need to be anything big. cherish your son

GrumpyFish · 05/03/2010 17:09

Hello zxc

I don't really have any advice but am in the same boat. I have one DS and just had my second mc at just under 7 weeks this week. I just wrote the first one off as bad luck and got pg again straight away, but I can't really face the thought of doing the same thing this time. I feel much worse about this second one than the last one, like you say it feels as if my body is working against me.

I'm just going to take each day as it comes, and when I feel better start then I'll think about whether we want tests or just time. I am in no state to make a decision just now. I'm sorry you have to go back to the hospital for treatment, I don't know yet if I'll need a D&C this time, they'll scan once the bleeding stops, but I'm dreading the thought of even going back into that scan room.

Take care

BITCAT · 05/03/2010 17:26

People can be so insensitive sometimes..doesnt make it any less painful the fact that you have a child already. Ive had 4 mc and i just dont even seem to be able to get pregnant at all at the moment. I know exactly how you feel, it gets you down everytime and you constantly anaylise everything or i did. Give yourself time to deal with whats happened and take comfort and support from those who give it. And im really sorry for you..my thoughts are with you and your family.

randomimposter · 06/03/2010 08:07

Hi zxc
I have just had my 2nd in 6 months too. And I've just had my 42nd birthday so time is definitely not on my side.

Previously I didn't understand when people would say they would give up trying... but now I do. The emotional wrangling is too tough, especially if you have DCs already I think.

We will try again. But maybe just once more. But so many women on here have had MCs, and 2 is not many compared to some of the really brave ones.

Only you can decide what's right for you and your family. If you have time on your side, you at least have the choice to take a break for a bit and see how you feel after a rest and recharge.

All the best.

VJay · 06/03/2010 18:57

Hi zxc, so sorry you are going through this it is the pits. I had 2 mc's in 2008, I too already had a ds. After the 1st mc I was in pieces, I waited 2 months then got pg again, only to mc again, then I waited just a month, this pg threatened to mc, but I now have ds2, he's 6 months old. Just telling you this to try and give you some hope. I was in absolute dispair, but remember you've done it before, had a dc I mean, you can do it again, that thought kept me going. Good luck, and to all you other ladies on here.

stillfrazzled · 09/03/2010 09:41

Hi zxc, I've just had my second mc this year - one on New Year's Day at 4+3 or so, and had EPRC y'day for the second, which was nine weeks but stopped developing at six.

Nurses and docs at hospital all seem very sure that two can just be a blip, especially since I have carried and given birth to a healthy child. And now I've started talking about it, I've spoken to a surprising number of women that had two mcs or more AFTER having a child and then went on to have more children.

It's utterly horrible, and I know I will be a basket case if I get pg again. Nothing I can say to make it better right now, but you're not alone.

starkadder · 13/03/2010 20:52

HI there - I also had 2 MCs before DS. But then I had DS Have since had a 3rd MC. It was awful, just as awful as the two MCs before DS - in some ways worse, because the baby was much more real to me - BUT at least I know that my body, although I hate it for failing me at times, was capable of producing my beautiful son - and yours was too - you are not a failure.

trycyclic · 14/03/2010 21:23

just had second missed miscarriage in 6 months and both times found out at 12 week scan. first one had a heartbeat at 8 weeks only to find it died at 8 weeks so can t help feeling it was my fault. second had all the pregnancy symptoms but found out that it was twins who had died at 5 weeks so feel I was never pregnant. time is def not on my side as 43 and birthday is in september. am going for tests as can t bear to have a third miscarriage to find out that my body can t do pregnancy and then be really too old and the stress is too much. dont even know if i can bear the anxiety of pregnancy again. dont even know if i will still have a partner to get pregnant with as he can t deal with my depression. how to face a childless future!"!! i want to get pregnant again but feel exhausted by the pressure and anxiety before I have even started trying.

starkadder · 15/03/2010 10:13

Trycyclic - I had that too, with my most recent MC: Had a heartbeat at 7 weeks and then MC at 10 wks - scan showed that baby had died just a day or two after the scan. But I don't think that makes it my fault - who would yours be your fault? Really, really really - don't blame yourself. I recommend that book about miscarriage by Lesley Regan - really clear and sensible. Good luck

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