accepting I'll never have another child

[oliviacrumble]

Hi, am new and nervous, never posted on anything before! Am almost 44, just had 4th miscarriage. Have 3 dc, and know i am so lucky, but still desperately sad that dh and i will never have much wanted 4th child. Find it unbearable hearing of older mums successful pregnancies, which is so horrible of me but can't help it. Had 4th mc, early, only 6ks 4 days last wk. Didn't plan this pregnancy, was accepting of my lot (a very lucky lot, I know) and tried to stay realistic of my chances but obviously failed somewhat! Any similar stories?

Hi ladies...I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you're all going through, and thought I'd share a few suggestions.

I've heard of IVF treatments, where you get multiple rounds, although I know it is very expensive. There is also adoption? And there are some really great supplements I was taking that I believe helped me get preggers with my current bean - royal jelly - helps produce more eggs, wheatgrass for healthy cells, and CoQ10, which is a really powerful anti-oxident, and kills yicky stuff that could damage cells, especially as we get older.

I managed to get rid of a rocking horse a couple of weekends ago. Sounds a small step. But it didn't feel like it. Ds is nearly 5 - had a mc followed by mp before him, and two mc since then have been overshadowed by the possibility of another mp and all the treatment that went with it last time. In the circumstances, I feel so lucky to have ds - but still there is part of me that craves a second and, because of that, I've not been able to get rid of most clothes and favourite toys - ready for that second that doesn't want to happen...

Lindalinda, I'm so sorry for what you've been through, and I know exactly how you feel. After my mmc 3 weeks ago, all I can think about is the possiblity of getting pg again, but I worry I'm just setting myself up for more heartache, more living from month to month. I know I am going to need a miracle for baby no 3 to happen - but I keep on holding on for that miracle because a part of me just can't let go. I've been so desperate for another one for so long, and the yearning is still so strong. I too have begged DH never to let me go through this again, but somehow it's easy to forget the physical and emotional toll when you can't quite give up. Partly I think the only way I can get over the mc is to hope I will achieve another pregnancy, like a stick for a drowning man to clutch at.

My DDs are 14 and 10 , my youngest is secondary age in September. I love them being this age; it's great, but I keep thinking how a few years down the line they will be completely grown up. But I don't feel ready to let go of that part of my life yet, not by a long shot.

I have told myself that if I don't have success by the end of this year (when I'll be 44) it'll be time to stop. But quite how I do stop, I'm not sure. I can't see myself using contraception again so how to put it behind me and move on is so, so hard.

Just knowing I am not alone helps.

I'm really glad I've found this forum because the pain inside of me is overwhelming. I've got two DSs but always dreamed of 3 or 4 or 5. The pain of not being able to have even 3 is unbearable. It doesn't help that my husband and I have not had sex since April. I fill like I'm wasting eggs with each passing period.

I'm so glad you said that because I seriously feel I'll need therapy to get over not having more children.