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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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supporting friend after stillbirth and miscarriage - long term

2 replies

mrschigur · 25/02/2010 19:43

My dear friend and her dh lost her beautiful dc2 in the middle of last year. The baby was stillborn premature. A little later she had an early miscarriage.

They have a lovely dc already and would love to have more. Friend is now being treated for a medical condition which caused the death of dc2 and miscarriage. They are able to try for more children.

In the early days we talked and cried and occasionally smiled over her dc2 and dc2's death quite a lot. We haven't talked about the miscarriage as much, she seemed not to want to, or maybe was too overwhelmed by the double loss.

I've noticed that in recent months we don't talk so much about the stillbirth, miscarriage and lost little ones. I try to keep the memory of dc2 in particular alive (having talked about this baby and seen photos etc it is easier) but don't want to push on a painful wound at times that maybe my friend would like to "act normal". so now we don't always talk about the dcs.

So.. what am I asking? I suppose how best to support someone who has had these losses after the earliest days, when some elements of reality have returned.

Sorry if this is written clumsily. trying not to expose my friend with too many private details.

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 26/02/2010 19:34

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mrschigur · 27/02/2010 09:47

Thanks LunaticF,

I guess I just wanted some reassurance that I shouldn't be constantly bringing her losses up - all the Sands advice etc seems to be about early days. I really value our advice.

I've seen some of your posts and for a while thought you were maybe my friend, but then realised you weren't. Hope things are going "OK" (whatever that means) for you.

Thanks again.

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