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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Having 7th miscarriage, when is it time to stop trying?

23 replies

rainbowdays · 22/02/2010 21:49

I am not sure that I can go through this again. How do I make myself just see a different future and enjoy the present life I have, without feeling like something is missing?

OP posts:

Prosecco · 22/02/2010 22:06

I have no experience of this but have you had investigations to see if the cause of the miscarriages can be determined? I do know someone who had several miscarriages before they looked at what was causing them. She has since gone on to have a succesful pregnancy. Sorry you are going through so much pain.

Gi1da · 22/02/2010 22:09

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. No words of advice I can offer, I can't imagine all you've been through as I'm only just dealing with my first mc. You obviously have so much strength to have come this far. I hope that things work out for you. Sorry I'm no good with words but wanted you to know that you are heard.

Cadmum · 22/02/2010 22:11

I am very sorry rainbowdays.

Surely it is too early to start thinking about quitting.

Give yourself time to grieve and heal.

I guess that I can help you answer your question. I have 'only' had five miscarriages but four of them have been in the second trimester and required medical intervention of some description.

Four weeks ago, I topped my outrageous limits by requiring a C-Section to deliver a 19 weeker with no heartbeat...

Time will tell...

Cadmum · 22/02/2010 22:12

I meant to say that I can't help you answer your question...

builderbear · 22/02/2010 22:16

Rainbow days, I am really sorry to hear you have had the pain of so many miscarriages. I truly don't know the answer as to when to stop trying. Whilst I have only had 4 mc's I sometimes wonder the same thing myself. At the moment we are still trying. Personally, for me I think while I still have hope then I should keep on going for it. One day I think I will know in my heart if enough is enough. Hope this helps.

Julezboo · 23/02/2010 06:56

Oh Rainbow

I too have just had my th mc. Only you can decide if you can go on.

Do you have DC?

For nme personally I have some more investigations to go through before I make the decision to give up but it is something I think about constantly.

I Agree with a PP who said its too early to make teh decision now, its still raw, take some time to grieve and get through the mc before taking the final decision x

juuule · 23/02/2010 07:54

It depends on how each individual feels.
www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/7262473/Mothers-joy-at-baby-daughter-after-18-miscarriages.htm l

Give yourself time and then see how you feel.

Have you had these m/c consecutively? If so, then you should speak with your gp.

I eventually accepted that it could take 2 or 3 conceptions before I'd have a viable pregnancy. It was still upsetting when I m/c'd but not as devastating as the earlier m/cs.
I set myself to seek medical advice if I had the 'magic' 3-in-a-row which fortunately I never had.

So sorry to hear you are going through this. Hopefully you will find peace of mind soon, whatever you decide to do.

Mumsnut · 23/02/2010 10:16

I know a lady who for seven successive pregnancies went for her first scan and there was no heartbeat. The eighth and ninth times, she had beautiful daughters. I hope you experience similar joy one day.

MumOfTwoToo · 23/02/2010 11:31

Oh dear Rainbow.
Don't make any decisions for a couple of weeks.
I had 4 miscarriages over 6 years as I had some difficulties conceiving as well. The causes can be so different for every person. What finally seemed to help me was a more nutritional approach as I now think that I may have coeliac disease. So I took nutritional supplements and stopped eating wheat and some other foods that disagreed with me (under medical supervision). But I was also tested for antiphospholipid syndrome (Hughes' Syndrome...in the news today) and other medical problems.
I went on to have two successful pregnancies!
I understand how distressing this is and how your life is on hold. Wait a couple of weeks and talk to your doctor.
And best of luck whatever you decide x

Original poster

rainbowdays · 23/02/2010 19:43

Thank you all for your replies. I have had all the tests and everything has come back normal. I have been put on asprin and progesterone, I have LDN in the cupboard that I never got around to taking. But I need to stop focussing on trying to create another member of the family and focus on the family we already have.

I am very fortunate to have children already, it is only that dh and I agreed on the number of children we wanted when we were courting and we are one short of that number.

I have now had 6 miscarriages in the last 20 months. I believe it is too much physically, mentally and emotionally for us to carry on trying to fill that last gap in our family. It is time for me to live in the present and to try to see a different future.

I guess nothing will ever take away the feeling that our family is not quite complete. But I need to start living to today and not keep trying for the impossible.

OP posts:

just1moreplease · 23/02/2010 19:49

rainbowdays so sorry that you are going through this again. really hoped this wouldnt happen.

take some time out and let your body recover. dont make any firm decisions yet.

Daynee · 24/02/2010 13:41

hi rainbow - I just wanted to send a hug and see how you're doing.

I understand what you're saying. My dh and I want to have 3 children. We don't even 1 yet, but if the day comes that we have 2, then I will probably still want another 1 to make it 3! But if I can't seem to have that other 1, I would consider adopting, and who knows, maybe in the meantime, it will happen!

Take the kids out for pizza, and have some wine...I know this isn't the answer but at least it might help a tiny bit for a tiny while...

queenoftheslatterns · 24/02/2010 13:44

oh sweetheart > only you can make that decision, and there is no need to do so just yet, take a few months and grieve do you want my mobile number? i can FB it to you xx

Original poster

rainbowdays · 24/02/2010 15:34

Thank you all for your support. I am still realing from it all.

It is not made any easier because my husbands young uncle who we were very close to, died suddenly two weeks ago. I had the first pain of the miscarriage at his funeral. Today I have been told that my dh's great-Aunt has died, the funeral will be in the next couple of days. So many losses in such a short time, I am numb from it all.

I know I should not be making decisions yet. Fortunately my brain is hormonal and confused at the moment, so thinking is not an option. I just need to find somehow of dealing with the next couple of weeks, before starting to think about what to do next.

Queen- I will catch you on fb sometime soon.

Daynee - I would love a glass of wine I had one the night I found out. Unfortunately my doctor has put me on antibiotics (and other meds as I have had a nasty cough and wheeze since being pregnant this time). But I am cuddling my children all the time, and they are a great comfort to me.

Thank you for listening to me here, it helps to be able to "talk".

OP posts:

Julezboo · 24/02/2010 21:21

So sorry you are going through such a tough time at the moment with so many losses.

My post was meant to say i have just finished my 7th mc too.

look after yourself x

TiggieWiggle · 24/02/2010 21:41

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what you are both going through rainbowdays and cadmum

I have just had my first miscarriage and can't begin to imagine how you both must be feeling after so many losses.

Take good care of yourselves x

Doulally · 25/02/2010 07:55

Thanks Tiggywiggle. (Cadmum here-- just reserving name change for when I finish my doula training)

I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Feel free to vent here. There are many of us with experience.

Physically, I feel much better but I have yet to deal with the loss of Timothy. We are mid-way through a major move to Cambodia so my time is filled with sorting and packing. It certainly helps to stay busy.

Doulally · 25/02/2010 07:58

Raibowdays I hope that you are feeling somewhat better today. You certainly have a lot to deal with at the moment. I am very sorry to hear about your dh's uncle and great-aunt.

Take things one day at a time and see how you feel later. I hope that the answer becomes clear for you.

I still fluctuate.

babyjamas · 25/02/2010 19:18

sorry to hear about your miscarriages. i had 3 consecutive ones after dd was born (had already had one between ds and dd) and every time i told myself that i wouldn't put myself, dh and the rest of my family through it again but there was something that made me do it again each time - to be honest i don't like myself for doing that - one of the babies i lost was at 21 weeks, and i particularly hate myself for putting him through that - i knew full well that the likelihood of a successful pregnancy was small. anyway, i went on to get pregnant again - dd2 was born at 27 weeks after bleeding and contractions started at 22 weeks. even now (she is a healthy 3 year old now) i sometimes think how stupid i was to try again - when yet again the outcome was so much in doubt, although of course we wouldn't be without her. i wouldn't try again now - but like you i had a certain number of children in mind and i have that now. sorry, no answer really - i think you will know when the end has come and you just won't try again.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 26/02/2010 09:25

I had 9 m/c's before my dd was born. Two late ones (18+) weeks and a 22 weeker. I have an incompetent cervix and needed a suture to keep her. I'm glad I have one but equally glad I never had a different number of children in mind.

Dozer · 02/03/2010 15:37

Cadmum and rainbowdays, so sorry for your losses.

Deciding if / when to stop is obviously a very personal decision. Have seen some useful info on it on the Miscarriage Association website.

Rainbowdays, perhaps a little break from TTC to recover and collect your thoughts with your other half might help you to decide.

sue10 · 03/03/2010 18:23

So very sorry for your losses. I have had mc's into double figures now but i just can't stop, i guess i will know when the time has come when i can't go on anymore with the heart ache it causes.

Have you considered looking into having the chicago tests done to look at indepth immune issues that could be causing this. A great book to read is 'is your body baby friendly' by Dr Alan Beer. I am soon to try for the first time using all the immune drugs such as intralipids alongside all the usuals such as steroids/heparin/aspirin etc..

Hugs to you, takecare
sueXXX.

mynameis · 06/03/2010 01:55

rainbowdays so sad to hear of your loss xx

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