coming to terms with maybe never having another baby..

[just1moreplease]

i think today has to be one of the worst days ever.

consultant appointment today to discuss dp's sperm test results.

count and motility slightly below average but morphology less than 1%

cons is sure this is the reason for 4 mc's in past 19 months.

only options we have are to keep trying hope that one of the very few good ones make it through or to try ivf with icsi.

as i have two dc already we have to self fund. not the end of the world i know but cons seems to think we dont have very good chance of it working for us.

i just cant stop crying. my poor dp

im sitting here with my dc, watching them argue and fight. he might not ever have one of his own. im so desperately sad.

Please don't get too upset. All they've said is a lot of maybes as far as I can tell.

You don't say how old either of you are or whether your dp is very upset. And 4 mcs is really tough but sometimes things do just work out right.

I was told "no children" in 1997 after ovarian tumour, half system removed etc.
Surprise ds conceived Oct 07 when I was 44 and dp was 55.

If I were you (and of course I'm not) I'd have a rest, take the pressure off both of you for a while and focus on just being really healthy.

Don't give up hope.

I just heard about a lady who has just had a baby after 16 miscarriages after some new treatment.

Feeling for you, i know how it feels to have 4 miscarriages and its bloody tough especially when you cant see any light at the end of the tunnel- dont lose all hope, these consultants dont always get it right x

hi justonemore really sorry about how crap you're feeling.
I'm also really interested/confused by your situation, since not a single expert we've consulted has believed there is any link between sperm quality and miscarriage All of them have said that once you're pregnant, the bloke has pretty much done his bit
I have never read anything linking poor sperm and miscarriage, though there is some very minor evidence of a link between older fathers and MC (my DH is 13 years older than me so this is something we always ask about, and it's always dismissed.) As a result of this, DS has never had any tests on his sperm. i would say we've asked at least four experts and they've all said the same.
I totally understand if you don't want to give any more details about you and your DP but i am now wondering if we have been misled and should in fact get DS's sperm tested? i would be really grateful for any more information you feel able to give.
i know exactly how you feel (i've had four MCs in a row) - i had a terrible day myself this week, after a rubbish appointment at St Mary's. i did feel quite a bit better after a good nights sleep. Your situation won't be any different tomorrow but you might feel a tiny bit more able to deal with it.

Hello, I'm really sorry for all of your losses. I have had 5 miscarriages and we too have questioned sperm issues but have been told the same as you kissmummy. I have just emailed our consultant again and await a response.

Be kind to yourself.

thanks for the replies ladies.

kathy i love stories like yours, really gives me hope!

fab do you know what the treatment was that the woman had? sounds very interesting.

samoy i saw your thread about your diagnosis. hope things work out better for you next time.

kissmummy i had assumed that if dp had any prob with his sperm it would cause probs conceiving. the basics of what the cons said is that as i have had 2 dc, the chances of there being any probs with me are near enough zero. if i had 1 dc them recurrent mc, i might indicate an immunilogical (sp) issue. he said they are very rare after 2 dc. i havent been able to find much on poor morphology/miscarriage. but the way it was told to us is, if the poor sperm do make it through they probably cause defects in the embryo. he also talked about microbiology and enzymes etc. most of which went straight over my head!

ac73 if i were you i would request the test anyway, at least then it will be something you can rule out.

had an awful day in work today. just cant stop thinking about it.

going to start looking into ivf clinics. neither of us want to wait around. im only 27 and dp is 32, but i just feel so useless. i need to feel like im doing something constructive.

thanks again all

xx

and thanks lunatic really needed that hug

x

just1moreHERE

I am sorry.

I had a quick look at a site recommended to a friend with similar issues and found this: infertilityblog.blogspot.com/2006/05/sperm-morphology-mythology.html

Do not give up hope.

I assume that he has followed all of the conventional advice about no alcohol, zinc supplement, healthy diet, no tight pants.

I certainly know how you feel about the possibility of not having any more. I hope that it happens for you soon.

Dh and I had two children together before my first miscarriage so maybe your losses don't have anything to do with your dh. (I have had 4 late and one early miscarriage that I know of but I NEVER test before missing 2 cycles because I could not handle the thought of early losses on top of the late ones we have been through.)

1moreplease - I have been told completely the opposite to you. I was told that sperm have to be ok for conception, my doctor did not even bother to test my dh sperm because we have 3 children and 6 miscarriages.

I had two children then an early miscarriage, then I had my third child who will be 2 years old in April. Since then I have had another 5 miscarriage, and am currently pregnancy again.

There are plenty of reasons why suddenly recurrent miscarriages happen after having healthy children. I do not think that the doctor is being fair to you or your dh to just suddenly "blame" it on the morphology.

Have you looked at other potential issues, I got all negative results from the recurrent miscarriage tests. So my assumption is that it it my progesterone levels due to being a bit older combined with older egges in my case. I am now on progesterone, and this pregnancy has got much further than any other one of my miscarriages. I am by no means in the clear yet, but it has given me hope.

I hope that you do not give up hope yet. Please make sure that you get your dh retested too, as sperm analysis is not an accurate science and sperm quality can change. As Cadnam said :"I assume that he has followed all of the conventional advice about no alcohol, zinc supplement, healthy diet, no tight pants." Keeping the area cool can make a big difference to sperm analysis too....

I hope that you see some hope ahead for you.

i would definitely seek a second opinion on the sperm being the cause, since others on this board are echoing my experience that they have never heard of this as a cause for miscarriages. of course we don't know your DP's history and aren't doctors but it does seem a highly unusual diagnosis.

hi rainbow & kissmummy we are definately going for a second opinion. we also have a 3rd sperm test booked in for 2 weeks time. hopefully will show some improvement.

congrats on youe pg rainbow, hope things work out for you this time.

cadmum thanks for the link, will look now. and yea he does follow all the advice given.

thanks all

xx