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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Babies that stopped developing at 11-14 weeks - advice for a friend

19 replies

nappyaddict · 16/02/2010 04:21

She wants to know what it will be like. Will she have to actively push out the baby and the placenta or will it all just come out of it's own accord (sorry if TMI) Did you do it at home or did you have to go in to hospital to do it?

OP posts:

Jayarose · 16/02/2010 08:54

No expert, it hasn't happened to me, but a friend of mine has similar thing at about 20 weeks. she had to go through labour and push it out. Not sure at that stage though. Maybe a D&C?

CMOTdibbler · 16/02/2010 09:01

She won't have to actively push the baby out - she'll have lots of cramping that may feel as bad as contractions, and that will expel everything. They will probably want this to happen in hospital as there is a risk of excess bleeding - they may offer her some heavy duty painkillers then too.

Or she could opt for an ERPC - the upside of that is that it is over very quickly and less painfully, plus nothing to see, the downside is that it involves a very short general anaesthetic.

I'm so sorry that she is going through this

Sarahlou8 · 17/02/2010 11:21

Hi Nappyaddict

I mc'd at 15 weeks in November, the baby had died sometime around week 12.
I'm only answering this as it was a frightening experience simply not knowing what was happening to me at the time. I could have coped better had I known.
I went into what I can only describe as labour, after two hours I felt a pop inside, stood up and everything came out together. There was no pushing and the pain went instantly afterwards. I had gas and air throughout. They told me it was complete ie the placenta and baby passed together. I was able to go home quite quickly afterwards.

The trouble is I think everyone seems to have a different experience, so Doctors are reluctant to tell you what will happen. That's what I found anyway.
I'm so sorry for your friend, unfortunately experiences like this stay with you for a long time, however it does get easier, it has for me.
Hope this helps you.x

Original poster

nappyaddict · 17/02/2010 15:27

Thanks for that Sarahlou and sorry for your loss also

Did you have the option to do it at home or did they insist you go to the hospital?

OP posts:

Sarahlou8 · 17/02/2010 17:40

Hi Nappyaddict, no I didn't know I had lost the baby until I started to miscarry. I went to A&E in the middle of the night with severe cramps and bleeding. It wasn't until they saw the baby that they told me its gestation.
In your friend's situation, she may be given the option of an ERPC if she already knows or to wait for it to happen naturally.
There is no way I could have coped with this at home, it was very frightening, and also (I'm sorry, I don't want to upset you) at least in hospital they take care of the baby's remains and organise a remembrance service for you. I simply would not have known what to do at home.
Also it may be worth mentioning that your body recovers faster from a natural mc, I don't know if your friend wants to try again. It has taken me 2 months, I am 4+4 weeks now

samoy · 17/02/2010 19:23

Hi there i have lost 4 babies around this time. I naturally miscarried the first 2 at home and i have to say it was pretty awful, there was lots of blood loss and contractions. Because of this i opted for an ERPC when i lost number 3 and that was by far the easiest option-physically.I also had an ERPC with the last loss after medical management did nt work properly and again the surgical side was fine. I would tell your friend to go straight to A and E if the bleeding is heavy which it more than likely will be- i hope she has lots of support at the moment.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 18/02/2010 13:44

samoy With the first 2 was it a mmc or did you not know until it started to happen? Did you end up having to go to A&E? Sorry if TMI but did you pass anything that actually resembled a baby?

OP posts:

samoy · 18/02/2010 14:00

hi again, with the first 2 i started to bleed at home and it all happened from there really. The bleeding increased as did the contractions and the pain was very intense until i passed the baby.It was very obvious when i passed the baby but to be honest i did nt look, i was terrified of seeing something. Both of these losses were incomplete so the bleeding did drag on a bit, this was worse with my second loss- i think there was a some placenta left behind.I did eventually pass it a week later. The hospital recommended me to have an ERPC but i felt i had done the worst part so opted not to have the surgery. My next 2 miscarriages were missed so i went for ERPC- it really was the least traumatic, i hardly bled at all and had just a small bit of discomfort. Has your friend had a missed miscarriage?

Original poster

nappyaddict · 18/02/2010 14:22

Yes it's a mmc. She is waiting for it to happen naturally but will consider ERPC if it doesn't happen soonish. With the first 2 do you know how many weeks you were when they stopped developing or just how many weeks you were when it happened IYSWIM?

OP posts:

samoy · 18/02/2010 18:14

With the first i was 12+5 but had not had a scan to confirm this. The second i lost after my 12 week scan at 13+6 so i know the baby had definatly made it past the 12 week mark. Missed miscarrige is torturous, just waiting around for things to happen- its so hard making a decision i know.I really did nt want to do any of the options offered to me but i have to admit i was pretty scared about going through another natural miscarriage with the last 2. Im sure your friend will make the right decision for her, everybody is different.

Bleatblurt · 18/02/2010 18:20

I have had a m/c at 14 weeks. I chose to stay home. It was very much a labour (and it lasted a few days!) and there was a LOT of blood. I actually wanted to see my baby so made sure to look at everything that came out. The baby was tiny but very much a baby, iykwim. I didn't have to push him out but afterwards I did have some blood clots that were so huge I had to push.

The baby was buried with my DS2 (stillborn) and it gives me comfort that they are together and I have somewhere to go for them both.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 21/02/2010 15:05

Those of you that had natural mcs how long did you bleed for after you had passed the baby.

OP posts:

Bleatblurt · 22/02/2010 00:06

16 days. I chart my cycles so twas but a seconds work to look it up!

Original poster

nappyaddict · 22/02/2010 03:43

Were you still in pain after the baby had passed or were you just bleeding?

OP posts:

Bleatblurt · 22/02/2010 13:40

The first day there was still some pain but only a little - I passed some huge clots (I really thought something vital was falling out of me ) which I think was the reason for the cramping pains. But after the first day the pain was gone and it was jsut bleeding.

Hope your friend is okay (as can be), nappyaddict. xxx

Sarahlou8 · 22/02/2010 17:18

nappyaddict I've just seen the other thread. Are we talking about you here? If so I am so very very sorry xx

Original poster

nappyaddict · 24/02/2010 12:38

Yes I don't know why I said it wasn't me. Denial I guess. Butterball Did you have to go for any scans after you miscarried?

OP posts:

Bleatblurt · 24/02/2010 23:30

Yes, once the bleeding stopped I had a scan to make sure nothing was left behind.

Really very sorry this has happened to you, nappyaddict.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 25/02/2010 19:33

Well today was the day. Had to have ERPC in the end cos there was some stuff left behind. Samoy When you had ERPC how long did you bleed for afterwards?

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