Gift for friend who has just miscarried.

[JollyPirate]

Any suggestions. This friend of ine has been through such a dreadful time. She spent last year in a Refuge and has been in a relationship with her new partner for six months. They live seperately and this pregnancy was unexpected (he has low sperm count and she was told she was unlikely to conceive again).

Anyway after the initial shock and the fear of PND as she had after her daughter was born all began to sink in and she began to feel happy. An early scan was done which confirmed a 10 week pregnancy with a strong heartbeat and it was all real.

Sadly over the last weekend she miscarried and is in bits. I have spoken to her on the phone and e-mailed her too to say that I am here if she needs to talk. Have also offered to look after her daughter for a day or a few hours if she needs a break. She has just e-mailed me back to say she really appreciates my friendship which is lovely but ade e cry for her. I have been thinking of buying her a little something and was considering some Lush bath stuff as I know she likes it but doesn't buy it often as it's expensive.

Is this okay do you think?

y friend suffers with agoraphobia and panic attacks and I know Lush do a bath bomb called "Waving not Drowning" which is lovely.... or would I do better just to buy flowers?

I had a mc too a few years ago and remember how empty I felt after. My friend has lost a baby before at 35 weeks with severe spina bifida so has been through so much .....

your poor friend

I think the bath stuff is a nice idea if she likes it. Personally I find the lush stuff a bit overpowering but that's just me.

I know some people after mc aren't keen on receiving flowers.

I was just grateful for my close friends to come and see me and give me some hugs / let me cry / rant / talk about anything and nothing

It sounds like you're being a really good friend. I'm sure the bath stuff would be appreciated - I wouldn't go for flowers.

Agree with the bath stuff
After i had a mc I had lots of flowers delivered, it was so paniful having to keep going to the front door to get them iyswim.

one point- I have just had a mc and have been told I can't have a bath for a while (until bleeding has finished).

I personally would love flowers, and also magazines/books/box sets. and chocolates.

I have to stay off work for a couple of weeks and it would be really nice to have to have things to keep me occupied at home.

no flowers, no chocs

wine if she wants it

bath stuff is ok

or take her some cooked meals around, proper heartwarming food...even if she doesn't eat it, her dd and P will

take her dd out for the day, or both of them if she can face it..to the park or the countryside/beach

beautiful candles ?

small donation to the hospital/clinic she attended, if she feels she was well-supported there (don't assume she was, ask first)

anything helping so far ?

You are a lovely friend. I have experienced the death of my baby shortly after her birth and a MC and so I can empathise with what she is going through. I just really appreciated my close family and friends being there when I needed them. Nothing else made me feel better. I think doing physical things like cooking meals and looking after her child will be very comforting for her. I am not into smelly bath stuff but I think it is a lovely idea.

I don't think you need to get anything specific.

One thing that made me feel better was a tiny little christmas decoration - it was an angel.... My friend had been given it by a friend of hers, and she passed it to me...

She said it was a guardian angel.

I passed it to another friend when i felt she needed it. x

Pollyanna makes a good point. I love a hot bath with smellies and had a few towards the end of my miscarriage- ended up with a womb infection & was asked if I'd been bathing. I had no idea baths were risky. Sorry, it's a lovely idea otherwise. Maybe go for a body bar or shower gel instead.

I received some flowers from one person, little white narcissi, and really appreciated them, I think a big bouquet would have been less welcome. Perhaps a little pot of bulbs for the windowsill?

You sound like a lovely friend. Might be worth making a mental note of the baby's due date, as your friend might appreciate your thoughtfulness then, too.

We sent some meals from abel and cole to a friend who miscarried, and who we live far away from. She said it was a nice surprise and was useful as it gave her a bit of a night off.

Thank you ladies - so no flowers then. Some nice ideas here - especially liked the idea of the little angel. Might look at Willow Tree as I know they do all kinds of angels. Don't want to add to her pain either though but am guessing nothing can make her feel any worse than she has been over the past few days.

Might steer clear of bath stuff for a few weeks. Also like the idea of thinking about the due date and making sure she has support around then too.

Thank you - I tried so hard to think back to my mc and what I might have liked for support but it's a long tie ago now and all I can remember is the emptyness afterwards..... and a husband who said "well it wasn't really a baby was it" - men have no idea sometimes.

You are a good friend. When it happened to me, I received some flowers and they reminded me of funerals. Some lovely hand cream was nice for me, also a really wild cuddly toy (as in extremely furry and colourful).