How to move on

[littlemiss72]

Went to the EPU yesterday after very slight spotting on Sunday, no heartbeat could be found and understandably we were devastated.

I would have been 10+3 weeks however the little one never made it past 7 weeks. Seeing that little baby on a screen lifeless was heart wrenching as it was not what we had expected.

This is my first pregnancy and first miscarriage, I feel numb from head to toe. We spent the night in floods of tears and the thought of having to go back on Friday for an ERPC is terrifying.

I know I have no choice but to go through with it, I just need to find a way of coping and wanted your advice on how to move on. Can I ask for a little picture or is that just going to makes things worse?

I know so many women suffer this loss and thought this would be a good place to turn to. x

Littlemiss72

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a mmc last year at 10 weeks (baby had died at 7 weeks). I'm not sure I have any great advice but just to work through the grief and try not to bottle things up. Like you, it was our first pregnancy. It is a really dark time but it does get better I promise.

You will read threads on here where people have bought jewelery or planted trees to remmber their little bean. It's a very individual thing - we didn't do anything but we did talk a lot in that first ghastly week.

I miscarried naturally in the end so don't know much about ERPCs. Hope things go as well as they can for you on Friday. Take care xxx

So sorry for you littlemiss, I miscarried my first, but then went on to have 3 healty dc. The pain is immense, do whatever you have to do to get through it. I didn't realise how common miscarriage is until I had one myself, it didn't make me feel any better, but I did fell less alone. Take your time to get over it and be kind to yourself.

Thinking of you x

Many thanks for your kind words girls, I also had no idea how common miscarriage was until I started reading about it.

I've started spotting again so not sure what will happen next with regards to Friday. Just a waiting game really, I have a feeling hearing the sad news yesterday has started the process naturally.

Hi littlemiss I think we were both on the August thread? Am so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my baby the other week - everything seemed to stop at 6.5 weeks though I had no physical symptoms of loss (had had a private scan just to check things were ok). I had an ERPC last Tuesday, when I would have been just over 9 weeks. It was my first pregnancy too so I know how you feel. The ERPC was fine. I was so scared of having it but it really was ok. Have had very little bleeding - can wear a thin, long towel for the whole day if I wanted to without changing it and only a little cramping. I think I've only taken 6 paracetomol in the last week. Bleeding seems to have almost stopped now.

We haven't done anything to remember the baby by, though I have kept all the details of my scans (no images just the paperwork). I guess it's something I'm not going to forget and I'm keen to move on but it's going to take time. Although I am a little ahead of you in my grief all I would say is I realised the other day that I need to cry every day to get it all out. I also need to keep busy - I took a few days off work last week after the ERPC but am back this week and luckily work with wonderful people so am distracted at work and don't have so much time to dwell. We have also told lots of people about the miscarriage - my DH only told his parents and best friend when we were expecting but he's since told lots of people about the MMC and I think for us we need people to know and it's part of accepting that something huge and awful has happened and we need time to heel. I feel anxious and hopeless at times but the support of friends and family is helping me get through it, along with taking care of myself.

My thoughts are with you. xx

Hi Littlemiss, so sorry about what's happened. I mc 9 days ago, and I just wanted to say that although everything is still shit a lot of the time, it's not as bad as it was for the first couple of days, if that makes sense. Which gives me hope that as days turn into weeks and months, I (we) will feel better. Fingers crossed..

Hi Boos we were indeed on the same August thread, I recall your sad news like so many others on that thread. Just like you I had no physical symptoms other than a tiny bit of spotting and had I not gone to the EPU I'm sure we would have had a real shock at the 12 week scan.

Good to hear your starting to feel better, I think telling people of you loss is a way of accepting what has happened and it's always good to have the support of others.

I have to visit the hospital again tomorrow morning for tests and sign consent forms. I've had some spotting since however have not miscarried naturally so hopefully will be able to go ahead with ERPC on Friday.

Oddly enough I no longer feel pregnant, I think being told might have triggered my body to accept what has happened. All part of the sad process I'm sure.

Thankfully I have a very understanding boss, I'm working from home this week when I feel up to it. I guess I'll have to wait and see how I feel come Monday but there's no pressure to return. Having to tell him on Monday after the scan was terribly difficult, it made it all seems so real blurting it out on the phone like that.

I appreciate all you kind words, I know we are all going through the same hopefully the future will be a little brighter for us all when the time is right. x

Hi Littlemiss, so very sorry to hear your news. I had an erpc last Tuesday after 12-week scan failed to find a heartbeat. Hospitals are crap but the proceedure itself is quick and easy. They usually try to get some pessaries into you to um, 'loosen everything up' and tbh I think I found that bit worse than the ga and op having never (embarrassed blush) used Tampax before...

Emotionally it is very tough, but it does get easier. I think if you have time to start to come to terms with it before the erpc it should help a little - and the op at least helps your body to move on quickly. I would agree with Boos about after-symptoms; all quite easy really although I would add that you just need to be aware that you will probably be very tired for a few days - whether ga or emotions I don't know.

Yes you will feel flat and sad and empty. And some days will be downers - today is for me - but generally things do get better. Just, as some kind people here advised me with wisdom, be kind to yourself and take all the time you need.

Good luck on Friday, will be thinking of you.