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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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sexual healing and miscarriage

2 replies

MrsPeahen · 28/01/2010 11:48

I have just suffered what I hope will be my one and only miscarriage (20th Jan at 10 weeks) and I wanted to share something I hope may be helpful.

The day afterwards (natural miscarriage, still going on a bit) I realised that for me and my husband (second husband, only just married) this had struck at the very root of our relationship, ie our sexual bond.

He is a wonderful man, and the best at communicating I have ever known, but at this time he revealed himself as fundamentally, a MAN, and unable to respond in the way I wanted and needed him to. Only now, a week later, have I realised that it was like a bomb had gone off in our life, and he was stunned and numb and speechless.

By instinct, I literally and physically felt that we needed to reconnect sexually, and I won't be explicit except to say that a man can be reached emotionally, in a very specific physical way. And it worked, and it connected us again over what felt like an unbearable chasm.

And lest anyone thing one job does it all... and that I have been looking after him at my own expense, neither of those things are true, but I have realised that not only are one's women friends priceless at these times, but that it's an ongoing process of healing.

I just wanted to share that with people who may find it helpful, or at least I know will understand the pain on every level.

I send everyone who is going through this love and support.

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kissmummy · 28/01/2010 20:26

thank you for posting this. I'm really glad to hear you've been able to make this connection with your husband. unfortunately for me it has gone the opposite way and i have not been able to have any sex with my husband since the summer, following four consecutive miscarriages. I lost my last baby in October. We simply have, for the time being, lost this part of our relationship. Right now i don't know how we will begin to rebuild it as the longer it goes on the bigger deal it seems, but i know it will happen sometime, somehow.

MrsPeahen · 01/02/2010 09:03

I'm so sorry to hear this, and I've just had a small taste of how acutely painful a miscarriage is, on so many levels.

I know these are lean times, but if you possibly can, what about spending some money on you, getting your hair done, getting a massage, anything that will boost you feeling good as an attractive woman again. Do it just for you. Feel sexy again, and not just to conceive.

Sending you love and support in getting through this together with your husband. x

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