A colleague has had a miscarriage, feel so sad for her but failing miserably to find the right words.

[Tobermory]

Just found out that a colleague had a miscarriage. Trying to write a card to tell her how very sorry I am and that I'm thinking of her but everything I try to write just sounds trite.
I am also feeling really conscious of being visibily pregnant and don't want this to add to her sadness.

Just something simple like 'sorry to hear about your loss, I will be thinking of you.'

I've just had a miscarriage, and I don't really take in the words people are saying, but the sentiment that someone understands that this is a big deal for me and has taken the time to acknowledge that I have lost a much longed for baby means so much.

All you need to say is 'so sorry for your loss' I think sometimes people feel there should be some words of comfort/positivity and thats where it all goes horribly wrong if you aren't v v careful

A list of things not to say from another website:

Top things to avoid saying (these are unfortunately all real-life examples):
It?s all for the best ? he/she would probably have been disabled, anyway

I know exactly how you feel ?

What can you do, these things happen

Its ok, you?re young, you can still have another one

You?re lucky, at least you have children/have a husband/made it through

You shouldn?t have/everyone knows that ? (nothing can redeem these words)

It?s so hard being pregnant

As others have said there's no need to add any uplifting message. That's where it can go wrong.

I think the fact that you are acknowledging the loss of her baby by sending a card is enough. I know that I really appreciated the fact that some people were recognising that I had lost my baby and were sending a card in the same way that you would if it was a 'real death' was enough for me

I have just had a miscarriage too and what I am finding so hard is people pretending it never happened and that I should be totally back to normal.
She will be feeling sensitive and sad for many weeks to come. A big hug and a sorry would have meant a lot to me, a card would have been wonderful. There is nothing you can say to make her feel better but you can be there for her if she needs it.
4 weeks later I am still desperately sad so it will take time, she will value you being there for her.
I wish I worked with you.

I just want to add my comments to the others, I agree - simply acknowledging the loss and saying that you're thinking of her and her family is enough.
I found out I'd lost my baby last week, and am strangely comforted by being around pregnant women - so please don't try to second guess how she is feeling too much.
I also agree with just sending a card, friends and colleauges have been so thoughtful and I've received 6 bouquets of flowers, but to be honest, I would much preferred a simple card, rather than floral reminders all round the house - but that's just my opinion
you are a very thoughtful friend in wanting to get this right .xxx

I also agree having had a miscarriage earlier this year. Acknowledging the loss is the main thing, and it is easy to say too much or the wrong thing. My particular bug bear was when one of my family said better luck next time. I knew what they meant but the words were so wrong.

My best friend found out she was pregnant a couple of weeks later, and in her case it was an unplanned shock. I was still pleased she spoke to me notwithstanding the irony of the situation.

I also spent some time speaking to a work colleague who was pregnant and while I couldn't help feeling it was unfair that she was still pregnant,in many ways she was one of the best people to speak to as she always understood it was a baby I'd lost.

Thanks for all your replies and so sorry to those of you who have suffered a miscarriage. I was a little unsure whether this was the right place to post but thankyou for your thoughts.

I talked with her today and told her how sorry I was to hear the news that she had lost the baby and will send a card tomorrow.

Thankyou again for taking the time to help me get it right and not put my foot in it!