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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Neverending miscarriage - during which everyone I know seems to have got pregnant!

9 replies

Tads · 19/01/2010 19:53

Firstly, I feel a bit fraudulent complaining because I am lucky enough to have a beautiful baby boy who is 18 months, but I would very much like to give him a sibling before he gets too much older.

I was told I had a blighted ovum at my 12 week scan back in October and opted for a natural miscarriage. This seemed a very good idea at the time, but I quickly changed my mind after major pain and blood loss. Thankfully, the worst bit was all over in the space of a few hours, but I continued to bleed for 10 weeks, including a fair amount of bleeding before the miscarriage itself. Occasionally I'd have a couple of days where I wouldn't bleed and I'd start to wait for my normal cycle to resume, but it would always come back and leave me feeling utterly fed up and unable to move on.

I eventually took a pg test (negative) and decided to go to the doctor who referred me for a transvaginal and a further u/s. He also did a hcg test which came back at zero. Both hospital tests revealed that all was as it should be, I had no retained products and things would shortly go back to normal. Unfortunately, they didn't. No one could give me any answers and I was just referred back to my GP. I was so peeved with it all that I decided to just put myself back on the pill for a month and see what happened. I've now come off it and had a normal (ish) bleed as a result of taking the pill, but I've been doing daily (often twice daily) OPK tests which all reveal I'm not ovulating. I'm told this is normal in the first month, but have now been without a period or any signs of ovulation for 6 weeks, other than horrible tummy pains which I've come to the conclusion must be psychosomatic because I can't think about anything else. Has anyone else had a similar experience? It seems utterly ridiculous to desperately want to stop bleeding for two months to be desperate for it to start again now!

Typically, seemingly everyone I know has managed to get pregnant during all this, including those who are popping babies out all over the place and those who have been struggling for an eternity to conceive. I find myself veering between being incredibly happy for those who have finally succeeded, to utterly desperate that I have lost someone in the same situation as me. I can't really avoid them either because two of them are family members and the others are close friends. I can honestly say I wasn't all that emotional when this first happened, but 3 months down the line and I'm a gibbering wreck who would wee on anything if it gave her any kind of result. My best friend has just announced that she's trying again and I honestly don't know what I will do when she tells me she's expecting. Hibernation sounds like a plan!

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dizzy55 · 19/01/2010 21:29

So sorry to hear what you've been through. And you are defintetely not fraudulent.
Life is certianly not being made any easier for you when everyone seems to be getting pregnant.... though i haven't got much experience of this except through a friend, I know its heartbreaking.

Hopefully someone more authoratative than me will post soon. Maybe you could tell your friend you're are 'generally' finding it hard that your friends all seem to be getting pregnant..at least she might take the hint and stop telling you what she's up to. sorry can't be more help.

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Tads · 21/01/2010 20:51

Thanks dizzy55. The daft thing is, I'm sure my friend (being like she is) is probably more concerned about telling me than I am. She's very understanding. It just doesn't make me feel any better. Sometimes I just feel as though it should be MY turn now and having read some of the ghastly experiences on here I realise I have no room to complain, at all!

Unfortunately, I'm a complete control freak and this is the one situation where none of us have any control whatsoever! I can't believe there was ever a time that I went out of my way to prevent pregnancy from happening!

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dizzy55 · 21/01/2010 22:29

chin up and try to stay positive.... I always say some kind of positive mantra whenever things start to spiral out of my control (which happens a lot in my house!). I have every faith it will be your turn soon.

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Jacanne · 21/01/2010 22:46

Tads - I bled for 8 weeks after my natural miscarriage - and it was very heavy bleeding too (it felt like incontinence). I was up the hospital quite frequently (because I insisted - they seemed unconcerned) and had lots of scans and examinations. Finally at 8 weeks the consultant gave me some tablets to help. The first ones I had to take were Mefanamic Acid which was supposed to lessen the bleeding - I could only take them for three days, rest for a day and then for another three days. If that didn't work I had to try Provera tablets which were, I think, progesterone - he said they should kick me into a period and re-set my cycle. Apparently what I had was menorrhagia caused by a hormonal imbalance (caused by the MC) - apparently too much oestrogen. I didn't actually need to take the Provera because the other tablets worked. Unlike you though, my cycle did kick back in and I next bleed 4 weeks later, cycle after that was really short and then I conceived again.

I wonder if it is worth seeing if you can get Provera (I'd google it) because what you need is your period to kick back in and then hopefully all will be well. I hope you get it sorted soon - I remember what it was like, knowing that I needed to conceive to begin to get over the mc and then not being able to because of the bleeding.

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Tads · 23/01/2010 02:06

Jacanne thank you so much for your message. Such a relief to know that I'm not the only one. I have read elsewhere that provera is often given but was so sickened by the month-wait to see every doctor that I just felt that getting on the pill was the best way forward in terms of moving on.

Funny how medical staff seem unconcerned by the bleeding isn't it? I'm all for them leaving you alone in terms of your pregnancy loss and not asking inappropriate questions, but a bit of aftercare might have been nice. I guess that once the pregnancy isn't viable, their work is no longer valid, as they are primarily there to look after your baby.

Now I'm in a situation where one friend has just told me she's expecting twins, another family member has told me she's due on my previous due date and my closest friend has told me she's trying again. None of these women have experienced miscarriage and I'm terrified that my best friend will just be the straw that breaks the camel's back - especially given that I'm looking after her little boy through the week at the moment. I can't even hide from her. It took 6 months to fall pregnant with our last baby (sorry blighted ovum) and I just don't know what to do with myself. Frankly, I'm finding it hard to stop crying to tell health professionals what I need to say at the moment. I was fine earlier on and it just sucks. I will try to see my doctor very soon if the period I'm desperately wanting (and at the same time wishing would never come!) would appear. Thanks so much for your response though. It's such a help to know I'm not alone.

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Jacanne · 23/01/2010 13:22

Ah Tads - sorry to hear you are feeling so low about it all. I think you perhaps need to go and see your GP and maybe tell them how you are feeling - mine was very supportive with how low I felt afterwards and kept an eye on me - it was mainly the hospital doctors that were unconcerned. The best thing for you (in my experience - my first pregnancy was a blighted ovum) would be to get started again trying so I would ask your GP to give you something (like the Provera) to get your cycle started again. There are also people who you can speak to at Sands who might help.

I don't think people realise how devastating a miscarriage can be - it certainly took me a good while to get over my first mc - spent a lot of time crying on my own and hated the sight of a pregnant woman - luckily none of my friends became pregnant until I'd conceived again.

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Binns · 26/01/2010 14:02

I totally feel for you. I had a miscarriage at the end of October and although I opted for a D & C so things were slightly different for me in that respect, I am finding too that things are getting harder to cope with as time goes on. I have a 2 year old son which I know I am so lucky to have but it doesn't take away the loss that I still feel. I too have since found out that three of my friends are pregnant around the same time that I was due and it is heartbreaking. I am genuinely happy for them but I just don't know how to cope with the constant reminders. The only thing I can think that will help is conceiving again and it can't happen soon enough. This has got to get easier at some point! I know I can't give any advice but I hope it helps to hear that I understand how you are feeling xx

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Tads · 27/01/2010 00:06

Thanks for your support and advice Jacanne. I will be making an appt with my GP sooner rather than later. I think I just needed someone to make me realise that I'm not being overdramatic and it needs sorting out. I hate complaining!

Thank you so much for responding Binns and I'm so sorry for your loss. I wasn't given the option of a D&C and they put the fear of God into me about surgery with horror stories about scarring. This may not have been an issue anyway given that I needed minor surgery after the birth of my DS, but there's not a chance in hell that I'd ever opt for the natural route for a miscarriage if this happened again. The whole thing has been awful and very traumatic. I really thought I was bleeding to death at one point. I dread to think what it must be like for women who miscarry later. Must be horrific.

I take my hat off to you for being genuinely happy for your friends. There is one person in particular who I am thrilled for after a very long struggle, but there's still a small part of me that is ridiculously jealous and angry about the fact that I should have my baby in May and it isn't going to happen. I've even found myself being quite childlike and stroppy about it all when I see pregnant women smoking or struggling to cope with the kids they already have. I sometimes feel that we should all have a license to get pregnant! Occasionally, I think about how big I'd be now if it had all gone to plan and it seems so surreal.

If ever you need a friendly ear, I'll be around. Horrible, but also very nice to know I'm not on my own. Thank you. xx

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Binns · 28/01/2010 12:31

Tads, you are totally not alone with the feelings you have towards your friends. As I am said I am genuinely happy for them particularly because they haven't had things easy in other areas of their lives and they definitely do deserve some good luck! But, like you said, I do feel jealous that I won't have my baby in May too and when I am around them I feel completely empty. Especially now that people are starting to show and it seems to be all that anyone ever talks about. I want to be at the point when I can join in on the conversation because I want to, not because I have to if that makes sense. From speaking to a colleague yesterday who I eventually plucked up the courage to email her and ask her how she felt when she lost her baby a few years ago, it seems totally normal to feel the way that we do and that the feelings don't go away but they get easier to deal with. I just wish that I could go back 6 months when all this had never happened!!! xxxx

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