I wasn't expecting to be so emotional

[KateMcCully]

Obviously to be emotional after a miscarriage is understandable and a given but it has really taken me aback how emotional I am. This was my first pregnancy. I get friends saying to me don't worry, lots of women have successful pregnancies after miscarriage etc but to be honest, that's not what is making me cry.

I don't feel sad because I have lost my baby (it was only 5 weeks developed but I am currently miscarrying at 12 weeks), or because I feel like something is missing or because I fear I will not get pregnant again etc. Could it just be the hormones? I can just suddenly feel very sad when not even thinking about it.

I would imagine if I were to have a second miscarriage I would feel differently and i would feel some of the above, but right now I want to get over it as soon as possible to we can try again.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Sorry for your MC.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to feel like this - you had time to have all the daydreams and joy of being pregnant and imagining a child, plus you've got a complete hormone cocktail whooshing round your body.

I felt unbearably sad for a while. Nothing else, nothing complex, not angry or stressed about getting pregnant again, just sad. I think allowing yourself to be sad, accepting that it is pretty shit, and giving yourself a few days to 'grieve' (that almost wasn't the right word for me) is sensible and natural

Hi Kate

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear your news. I am also new to this (I saw your last post) but I did not know where to turn, as no one realy tells you how you should be feeling or what emotions you might go through. I know everyone deals with things differently. I also had a miscarriage, I went for my scan on christmas eve and was told the baby had died at 8 weeks but because it was the holidays I was to come back the following Wednesday. The Doctor was not that great and I don't know if it was just because we were in total shock and we did not hear him tell us what might happen in between times but I was not prepared for what happened to me. On Christmas Day I started getting the symptoms of a miscarriage and miscarried on the following Tuesday, I got a scan on the Wednesday but did not need anything else done.

My emotions have been on a total roller coaster, one day I can be high as a kite and think great I am getting better and the next can not stop crying. I do have a little boy who is 2 and he keeps me going and I think I have to get on with things for him, but it is not that easy.

I was suppose to go back to work yesterday and last week was already for it but the hormones have started again!! My partner has been great and like yours has told me to take this week off too. I am going to go back to the Doc's tomorrow, I just feel that I need someone to tell me I am not going off my head and what we are feeling is normal, does that make sense?

Sorry, I have really went on. It was very comforting to hear that you are also feeling like me, although I wish you weren't.

I was just wondering if you had managed to go back to work and if so how did you get on. My work have been very supportive but I don't know about you I just feel that people are now saying 'it has happened and you should just move on now', which I really want to do,if I could stop crying, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I will have more energy again.

I am not sure if you wil still get this message as it was on Monday it was posted and I am not really sure how this all works but I hope to hear how you are getting on.

Lots of love xxx

Hi kiwi14

I'm sorry you have gone through this too - I just wanted to quickly say that I got your message but I am just walking out the door to go to work, So if I don't manage to this lunch time I will definitely write you a reply this evening so please check back.

Kate xx

Hi all, I can relate to the immense sadness; I had the ERPC last week, and am mostly ok, but just well up at random moments.

Yesterday at work, a woman from my IVF clinic phoned to ask me how mny beats per minute my baby's heartbeat was on the scan. She was nearly as upset as I was when I explained that it was a MMC, and that I'd ever seen a hearbeat. It's things like this that start me off again...

I read somewhere that being sad and posting on forums was a good response, showing that you're lettng yourself grieve rather than brushing it under the carpet.

Take care one and all x

Yes - I just feel mainly sad as well...

I feel really sad alot of the time - i think alot of it is hormones. I wasn't planning on being pregnant - we had agreed to no more dcs but since i miscarried i feel incredibly sad that i won't be having any more. I had only just accepted the idea and moved forwards when i found out i was pregnant. I have only told a couple of close friends and i was back to work a few days later - not ideal but not much option really. I wonder if i would feel a bit better if i had told people - it kind of feels a bit surreal which doesn't help. Dh doesn't really understand why i feel so bad and i feel worse physically than i did with my previous mc. I think perhaps we sometimes don't give our minds and bodies the proper time we deserve to get over it and to grieve.

Last week I went to the funeral of a friend and said goodbye, a roomfull of people all crying, the usual stuff. It really bought home to me that mc is such a taboo subject, that we are not allowed that grieving process and to acknowledge that we have to say goodbye to a life not to be.
It might only be a bundle of cells but to us its the loss of many dreams.

My first mc was at 12+5 and was the bolt out of the blue after a healthy first pregnancy. I didn't give myself the time, didn't have these boards and approaching the EDD just fell appart in a big way. I had councelling which helped.

Sadly for me I have had 4 more mc its no easier/harder. I have seemed to be stuck in a never ending loop for the last 5 years trying to have a baby.

Don't under estimate how powerful the crash is, be really gentle on yourself its the little things that set me off.
I think it takes me a good 8 weeks to feel at all normal, whatever that is, have forgotten!

kiwi the drs approach has been key for me in how I cope. My epu and dr were just so utterly fantastic through my last mc at Christmas. I felt so looked after from the bfp to the sad conclusion and that has helped us through.

wreck I havn't posted on mc threads for nearly a year and I suppose I am back here letting it go rather than bottling it up so yeah I think you are right.

Hi
I had an ERPC on friday - and undestand how you're feeling Kate- you have a rational part of your brain saying " it wasn't meant to be" etc, but emotionally you are devastated. I have long periods of time now where I feel almost normal, and then something triggers in me and I sob and sob. Only cried twice today. I very much believe you are grieving a baby - the lost opportunity to meet someone who could have been one of the most important people in your life, and it's important to register that in some way.
I don't believe there is any right or wrong way your should be feeling - just go with what feels right to you.
The miscarriage association has a really good leaflet called "pregnancy loss - how you might feel" which helped me you can download it www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ma2006/information/leaflets.htm
I'm also planning to find some way to comemorate the baby I've lost, signing the hospital's book of remembrance and maybe a special piece of jewellry - I have nothing otherwise.
Take care - and take some time xxx

Kiwi14 - I had my scan on the 23rd, just before you and was booked in for another scan 2 weeks later because we were away seeing family for the holidays. And like you I didn't get any information on what would happen if I were to miscarry before the scan. Although I started bleeding just before my next scan I didn't actually miscarry till that evening after the scan. It must have been awful for you when it started without knowing what really was going on. It must have been very scary. When I went for my 2nd scan they said it was on its way and that it would be very painful.

We had been away seeing my family in Sussex and my husbands in Durham so I was pretty lucky not to go through it there - it was as if my body new I was back home and in a comfortable environment when it started.

Anyway, I went back to work Tuesday afternoon and it has been fine. It's good catching up on the gossip at work and it's taken my mind of it. Also it is a small office where I know everyone well. They all knew I was pregnant before I even told them!! Although I have walked into the busiest office we've had in ages!

Although these forums are great to see that others are going through the same and to get support, it's not good to continually wallow. Everyone is different and will take a different time to get over it.

And to everyone else that has posted - sorry to hear you are going through the same and we can all start to recover soon.

Clareanna - many thanks for posting that link, it was very helpful.

Kate xx