In need of support/advice after miscarriage

[KateMcCully]

Hi Everyone, I'm new around here.
To cut a long story short (I just typed it all out and thought, no one will read that!!!) - I had a missed miscarriage (found out at my 12 week scan) and I thought I had passed all the pregnancy but at my last scan (thursday just gone) they thought there was still a bit left and I am still bleeding but have no pain.

Physically I feel fine (I have been off work 2 weeks - 4 weeks if you count the christmas holidays) and want to go back to work but my husband wants me to stay home till I am over it completely - and I think he is talking emotionally. I thought I was OK until I started searching the support forums where I couldn't stop crying. I asked the nurse about if I can go back to work (my husband wanted confirmation) but she didn't give me a straight answer.

I have got it onto my head I am going back to work tomorrow but I don't know what to do.

Has anyone got any advice for me?
Kate

Hi there Kate.

First of all, I am really sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It really is so upsetting, and I know how you feel about the tears starting to flow and you can't stop cyring. Don't fight it, just go with it. Not only are you dealing with the sadness, but also your hormones are going mental.

AS for work - what do you think you should do? I have had two m/c and came back into work the following week (both happened mid-week), as I found work to be a good distraction, and it did help with the sense of beginning to get on with life again...although the sadness remains, it will get better, and I found that being busy really really helped.

However, it's my business, and I have my own office to lock myself away in...this might be difficult if you work with lots of people.

If you do feel you would like to be back in work, then can you talk to your boss and explain that you want to come back, but may need to just quietly disappear if it all gets too much? How about just going in for a half day on the first day to see how you cope...once you have jumped the hurdle of returning to work, you might find it was not as bad as you thought it would be.

I hope that you start to feel better again soon, and can move on.

Hi ChoChoSan, thank you for your reply.

I never thought I'd miss work but that is how I have been feeling recently and I thought that getting back into my normal routine will help. I work with a great bunch of people in an office and feel would comfortable if anything were to happen there and have support.

But, it was when I went for walk with my husband at lunch that his said I may not be emotionally ready to go back, and since then it was as if I realised I have been bottling it up to appear strong and I can't stop crying now!

I was a complete mess on Friday (which is why my husband is concerned) as we had someone come to look at our boiler (brand new) to be told it had been installed appallingly and they had to disconnect it. Our boiler hadn't been right for a few weeks and the fumes that came back in the house were awful. I kept thinking what if that was what caused my miscarriage?

Hi Kate,

Just wanted to say sorry to hear about your miscarriage, and glad you came here - I had a missed miscarriage (and an ERPC) a week ago, and I found Mumsnet to be invaluable!! I went back to work last week as I found being at home too hard, but I have been crying lots, so I guess it depends on how you feel about work. Sometimes having simple tasks to keep you busy can help I suppose - depends on what your job is like.

Also, I just wanted to say about your boiler situation - last Wednesday our flat started leaking into the one below and the washing machine broke, and for some reason I couldn't cope with it and was in massive floods of tears as the emergency plumber said it had all been installed wrong - I guess what I'm saying is that with what you've been through, and the hormones, don't be surprised if things bother you more than normal!! It's hard to deal with one thing, let alone anything else on top of it.

Reading what everyone else has been saying, I think it can take a while to deal with all the emotions, so whether or not you go back to work yet, take it easy either way, and be easy on yourself - having a big cry and throwing things around a bit can be quite therapeutic.

Anyway, big electronic hugs, and do whatever you feel is right for you re: work - no right or wrongs in this situation I suppose.

xxxxxxxx

Thank you Goodluckbear

Sorry to hear of your loss also - I don't know why I didn't come to Mumsnet sooner!

Don't get me started on house problems - our house is one big problem! We have a major flood from the upstairs flat (turned out to be our water pipe though!) and damaged the bedroom and the kitchen. We should have the builders coming in very soon to sort it all out. We just had a new oven and washing machine because they both broke too.....

....so I'm thinking it would be nice to get out the house for a bit!!

Goodluckbear - I just read your thread you posted down the page a bit and felt for you when you said you wanted to announce the pregnancy to your family on your Nan's birthday. I was planning on telling mine on Christmas day which made the whole thing even worse (I only found out the bad news at my 12 week scan on the 23rd). Plus, it was touch and go if I could even make it down to my parents on christmas eve because of the snow which made me an emotional wreck!

It has really helped me being in these forums this afternoon and reading so many similar stories.

Blimey, I just started reading your message and got worried you're in the flat below me and it's me flooding you out - I feel so bad we've ruined their ceiling!! Yeah, it's awful when everything else starts going wrong, so hard to deal with the little things. Or as my Nan says "one cloud needs company" (I think a version of "it never rains but it pours").

I'm off on Saturday for a night away in a hotel with a spa - the doc said to wait two weeks after the ERPC until having sex or going swimming, and Saturday will be the first day I can do both, haha - hotel/spa here we come!! Getting out of the house for a bit is a good idea, I'm hoping for a bit of perspective - and a good facial

There are some good January deals out there if you fancy doing the same....doesn't fix it, but my husband is "problem solving" and this was his way of trying to make things better...

xxxxxx