Refused ERPC, waiting it out : ( Anyone else in the same boat?

[Allthe8s]

I had a scan at 7 weeks which confirmed my 3rd pregnancy was failing and a week later no heartbeat could be found and I was measuring 6 weeks. I knew by the time I had the second scan it was over as I had started bleeding, although it was minimal.

Having had a late miscarriage in May last year I was considering an ERPC as this would possibly be less traumatic. I have a medical condition and the sonographer was uncertain whether I would be able to have ERPC as an outpatient so needed to check with the aneathatist. They confirmed I would have to be an in patient but wont do it as it's not life threatening......so I have been at home now waiting for this to happen for 10 days.......had the occassional little bleed and I start to think it's all starting and then it completely stops........I feel like my life is on hold......I waited for 6 months before TTC again after MC1 and now I am back to square one....

I am so lucky that I already have DD1 who is 3.5years maybe I am just being impatient and feeling sorry for myself but I feel so sad for her that she has no sibling when all her friends have little brothers or sisters.........I am sure she doesn't feel that emptiness that I do but I just feel like a part of my life is missing now

Hi Allthe8s,

I just wanted to reply as that sounds so hard, I'm really sorry for your loss and what you're going through now. I haven't experienced this, but I didn't want your post to go unanswered - I only had to wait just over a week between my scan and having an ERPC, and I'll never forget how hard it was to wait.

Sending you electronic hugs, please keep coming back on line, the guys on this thread are great for support while you wait.

xxxxxxxx

Hello, sorry for your loss.

I am waiting too! I had a scan at 12 weeks but it had stopped developing at 5 weeks. 2 weeks after that I had a scan to be told that the miscarriage was going to happen very soon and on cue i had lots of pain and clots that night. I went back for my 3rd scan to be told it was still there so booked in for a ERPC for 4 days time (still wanted to pass it naturally though). I passed a big clot 2 days later and had my 4th scan the day before the ERPC. Although I had passed most of the sac there was still some there. We canceled the ERPC in favour of letting the rest happen naturally.

I still don't know if there is anything left. I am still bleeding but passed no more clots. I really don't want to go back for a 5th scan till i stop bleeding. I have been off work for 2 weeks now and want to go back which I think I will this week. I have no more pain, but think I still need time emotionally.

Sorry to hear that you have to wait it out allthe8s, i am surprised you havent been offered the medical management option though? Maybe not all hospitals use this option.

I have been waiting for over 2 weeks now and so have been back today to get going with this option. Am about to start with the pessaries tonight, although am not looking forward to this at all from other stories i have read on various posts etc.

I have no idea how long this may go on for though as i have to wait another 3 weeks before being scanned again and like you, feel like life is on hold.

Wish you all the best
xx

Thanks for your message Goodluckbear xx

KateMcCully sorry to hear your news. It's just horrible to have to keep going to scans which are a just stark reminder that its all over but perhaps it maybe worth it just incase anything retained is sticking around, which could cause an infection. Have you a scan date booked? Give yourself time re work, each day as it comes is the only advice...I was doing ok until Sunday and now feel like I have just plummeted. Sometimes it is good to be back to work as it gives you something to focus on and gives you a little normality back in your life if that makes sense? x

How are you doing babychickens? Have the pessaries helped move things along? They didn't offer me this option but I may enquire. Hope you are not in too much discomfort x

Hi, i just wanted to say this happened to me and its a really shitty time waiting for it to happen and be over and done with.

I was told at a scan at 6 weeks after a small bleed that my pg was failing and that i should miscarry quite soon so no need for an erpc. I went back for another scan at 11 weeks only to be told that my body hadn't quite recongnised that i was not pg anymore and the sac had grown but obviously there was nothing in it. I eventually miscarried at 12 weeks.

The only thing i would say is that apart from the sore boobs, tiredness and sickness i did try to get on with things as best i could, i went out and planned nice things to do but like you i was waiting, waiting. Its a really horrid thing to be going through and all of you ladies have my deepest sympathy, its just crap it really is

That was two years ago this October just gone and my DS is coming up 1 this Feb, i was super paranoid (and spent a fortune on private scans in the first few weeks) but like a sonographer told me, every pregnancy is different and i found it hard at the time but it just wasn't meant to be.

Be good to yourselves and wishing you all the best.

thanks rosieposey for your advice, I am going to try and just get on with things as much as I can and stop wallowing!! My pregnancy symptoms have disappeared in the last 2 days so I am hoping that is a good sign!

x

Allthe8 - I think getting on with things is a good thing, getting back into your routine (as long as you feel physically fine and not in any pain). My husband was not too happy but I went back to work today (he didn't think I was emotionally over everything) but I felt I needed to get 'back to normal' as it were. Plus the girls at work are my friends too and I haven't seen them since before Christmas. I just went in for the afternoon today to ease myself in! It was weird - I was nervous like it was 1st day back!!

Anyway, what would I being doing at home? - there are only so many re-runs of Friends and Quantum Leap I can watch!

I hope the next few days/weeks are not too bad for you. I'll be thinking of you. xx

babychickens - I hope you are OK too. I wasn't given the option for pessaries either, I hope it is not too awful.

Thanks KateMcCully having been working through anyway as I am a childminder and have a 3 year old at nursery so I am getting out everyday.

Hope you guys miss the snow, it has started here although very sleety.

ps glad you managed at work for the afternoon - did you go in today?

Babychickens how are you doing??

Hi Allthe8s - yes, I went in today and it was pretty much back to normal for me. Work was, well, just how I left it, busy as ever! And it's keeping my mind off everything. I will tell them if they ask that I can't do anything too taxing like a client presentation or a site survey! I just want to stay in the comfort of the office.

We have a boiler inspection on Friday (long story, but our plumber installed it so appallingly it was dangerous) and I have asked my husband to be there instead of me, because still feel that I will get emotional in difficult situations.

glad work is going ok kate and I hope that your boiler inspection goes well today.

Am very up and down still have left several messages with the epu to try and fit me in for a erpc but they still haven't got back to me.

Babychickens how is it going? Are you ok?

Hi allthe8s, I'm doing ok actually, have to admit after stuff i had read online, it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be, still not pleasant though and still feel quite emotional.

Had pessaries on monday to take home from hopistal and do myself at home. Did this monday evening and during the night things happened. Had some pain although this was manageable, but the amount of blood loss was quite horrendous (sorry tmi). Feel pretty certain that they have worked but suppose I won't know for sure until they scan me in a few weeks. Have been really tired all week, (was already aneamic before starting this) and still quite emotional, just want to get back to normal.

How are you anyway? Are you having the erpc now?
xxx

You are so brave. I am glad it wasn't as bad as you were expecting (if you know what I mean!). I feel for you with the tiredness I was very anaemic after I mc dd2 last year, I've read on other threads about supplements that you can take that seem to help with anaemia (I can't remember where I have read then or what they are called but I think you can get them in Boots/Tesco etc). Think that it will help with the emotional side of things too, it's harder to cope when you feel totally drained.

Just take each day as it comes and allow yourself to cry. Be kind to yourself though and make sure you take time out for yourself and with your other half xxx Here if you want to chat xx

Well nothing is happening at all my end and it is having such a huge impact on me and my life at home, I am just finding the waiting too distressing. I don't want to sound like a wuss, but I had such a heart wrenching wait when I mc dd2 (21 weeks) my waters broke at 17 weeks so I had to prepare myself at every scan/doppler check that it was over and it never was until right at the end when I know it was happening anyway. I am just finding this wait tough and the thought of having to deal with the actually mc/blood etc after last time as I bled so badly and had to have a few transfusions....well I just don't think I can do it again, not at home with my 3 year old around. I am waiting for the hospital to get back to me later today with a date.

I think if it had started already I would have been ok, but the longer I have to think about it, the more time I have to send myself mad. I am just like a yoyo, one minute I am fine then I am either crying my eyes out or just want to scream at my other half!

Life eh.......rollercoaster.

God, i really feel for you, seems unfair that the hospitals are willing to make you wait, i know they have procedures etc & have to deal with this all the time but even so, the waiting is so hard.

It must be tough with a 3 year old as well. I have been quite fortunate this week that my kids have been with their dad for a couple of nights and are with him this weekend (divorced 2 years ago). As they are older they understand quite a bit (stupidly told them I was pregnant when i was 10 weeks thinking i would be ok by then - had no idea really about missed miscarriages, it was hearbreaking having to tell them). Doesnt help either that their dad had a baby with his new partner a week after I find out mine had died. Talk about crap timing. Rollercoaster definately....

And i totally sympathise with the emotions, my other half is on the receiving end of things too. Everything he says is wrong, i knew we would be snappy with each other but wasnt quite prepared for how much.

Hope you get some news from hospital soon and i am always here to chat too.
xxx

Hi Babychickens - was fitted on the emergency list (as an inpatient) and had ERPC yesterday evening. Stayed in hospital last night as didn't come out of recovery until 7.30pm but everything was fine and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Came home at lunchtime today (spent to morning waiting for the discharge paperwork to be signed!). Back to normal tomorrow, not that I stopped working but at least I don't have that horrible waiting for it to happen feeling anymore.....although give it a week or 2 and I'll be waiting again for AF, watching the calendar!!

That must have been hard telling your kids and that really does sound like crap timing poor you x How are you feeling now?

Hello,
I just wanted to tell my positive story about medically managed miscarriages as it seems most of the people who take time to share their experiences are because they were not very nice ones.

I had a MMC at 9.6 weeks which we discovered at my 12 week scan. It was such a sad shock and I was given a few days to go away and think about what I wanted to do as I couldn?t really think straight at the time.

I wanted my body to do what came naturally so decided to wait 2 weeks and see if anything happened. Nothing did. After a lot of reading on the internet and discussing things with my local early pregnancy unit I decided to take the tablets.

The first tablet was on the Wednesday and that is just an oral tablet to drop your pregnancy hormones and tell your body that something has gone wrong. I took that about 9am and felt fine all day. About 8pm my waters broke at home and I had some mild contractions and bleeding. This went on till about 1am when I was so tired I decided to lay down and then the pain stopped immediately and the bleeding tailed off.

Nothing happened the next day and the bleeding was light.

On the Friday I was admitted to the local Gyno ward as for the second tablets anything over 9 weeks is seen as quite large for this process so they like to monitor you. I was very happy to go in as it was the best place to be. I had read all of the not so good stories about excessive bleeding and they had blood standing by just incase I had problems.

They allowed me my own room as I asked for it as I was worried if it was very bad I may upset other patients. Definitely worth asking for. I also got a commode so they could monitor my bleeding and any passed products.

The first tablets are pessaries (i.e. put onto the neck of your Uterus so that can sting a little but it was more because I was tense. Nothing happened. No real bleeding and no pain. 3 hours later I had more tablets orally. Nothing happened. 3 hours more tablets orally with water. Nothing happened. 3 hours later more tablets. Nothing happened. Stayed in over night. No pain, had a good sleep.

I was quite disappointed that nothing had happened and the gyno staff were a bit perplexed but I knew if it didn?t work I would need the ERPC anyway so I thought it was worth a try.

Anyway, about 8.30am that next day I knew I needed a No2 so wandered down the corridor to the shared toilets and went. When I finished I felt weird, like something was there, like when your tampon is to low and full. So I found a pot (cardboard sick bowl actually) squatted and pushed and out came the baby. It was about 16 ? 20 cm long and in the sac. I didn?t look at it much as didn?t want to get to upset.

The doctor cams and examined it and con firmed it was complete and that that was it. I had some bleeding and clots for the next 3 hours which they monitored and then it tailed off and I went home. The bleeding slowed and my AF came 4 weeks later.

I was very lucky and would definitely do it again if I had to (fingers crossed I don?t).

So there are good outcomes sometimes.
Thanks for reading

Pen

Hi allthe8s, glad you got the erpc and it went ok, hope you can recover quickly and get that af soon! im doing ok, went back to work today which was hard at first, people asking me if i was ok, did have a few trips to loo to check mascara was still intact, but after a few hours i was ok.

Had a phone call from one of my friends this morning to say she had a little baby girl last night. That was hard, although I am so pleased for her, as she has two older boys, still got to me a bit, but i suppose anything like that will for a bit. My best friend is also due in 2 weeks, so feels like i am surrounded by babys and pregnancy at the moment

The worst bit is my partner and i are really struggling, had lots of rows and just not getting on well at all. I knew it would be hard & am sure things will get better. When u think about it, only 4 weeks ago we were blissfully happy planning our future with a baby in the summer and now thats all gone. He has a very matter of fact attitude to it all, block it out, forget it happened and dont talk about it. I understand thats the easiest way for him deal with things, but i can't do that as easily as he can.

Am just putting alot down to hormones and hope that when i finally stop bleeding and have another scan in 2 weeks then i really can put this behind me. I have accepted the miscarriage and want to be back to normal, just hard when your body is still telling you otherwise at the moment.

Still, i have a nice girlie night out on friday with some friends from work, none of whom are pregnant so shall enjoy some female company, good food and plenty of nice wine, just what i need!!

xx

Hi Babychickens

Well done with your first day back at work, hope today is better for you x I totally understand the relationship issues and can TOTALLY relate!

I will reply properly a little later on but I didn't want your message to go ages without being answered!

Chin up xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Babychick, had a real real bad day yesterday but it was 3 days after erpc as am thinking it was mostly hormones, as I just cried uncontrollably all day and by the time I went to bed my face was so chapped and sore and puffy! I feel completely different and actually able to cope with life today! I know there will be days where I am really down but I know from experience they will get less intense and less frequent.

I totally understand about being surrounded by bumps and babes, similar story my end, trouble is there will always be bumps and new babes around. It does makes you feel pants though. Does your BF know what has happened? It's my BFs baby shower on Sat and she has been to hell and back to get pregnant and deserves it so much and I am sooooooo over the moon for her but yesterday the thought of going nearly tipped me over the edge! I would never miss it for the world and I know it will be hard but I have to remind myself I am so lucky to already have a beautiful daughter and that my time will come again I am sure of it!

How are you and other half doing? Men will never get how it is for us ladies, no matter how hard we try to explain or how much we cry. It helped me to talk to a counsellor last year as I did really struggle but I think I was in denial for quite a while and suddenly after 6 weeks I just totally crashed. The only thing that worked for us was time to ourselves without dd1 and talking about it, not hiding it like she never existed or the pregnancy never happened. Going out for walks helps too, boosts your serotonin levels. Can you get out somewhere nice for a wander??? Keep me posted xx

How are you doing KateMcCully?

Thanks Pen192 for sharing your story, I am sorry that you have also been through this but it is good to hear that your experience was not too harrowing and I know other ladies that may be dealing with this will find comfort in what you have shared.

Hiya allthe8s, hope you are ok. Hormones have a lot to answer for!

I feel completely different the last few days as well, suddenly i just feel loads better. Think what has happened has now sunk in and have realised that sitting around thinking about it will not change anything or do me any good, so now every day gets easier. Although I will never forget how painful this has been, i feel i have put it behind me now and like you, know that my time will come again.

My BF is great, has really been there for me and I am so excited for her and honestly can't wait to meet her baby. I don't feel sad any more when i hear about other peoples babys & bumps, instead of getting emotional and thinking "god that should have been me", its now more "yeah, that will be me one day" if that makes sense?

As for my other half, we are doing a lot better, we gave each some space and that seems to have done the trick. Men (most of them anyway) seem to have this amazing ability to just carry on and block things out and because thats how he dealt with things he expected me to as well, but think he realised that we are all different and I had my own way of dealing with things. Now I feel a lot better myself we seem to be getting on loads better

Take care & hope that the hormones don't take over again!

Glad you are doing well Babychickens and that things are on the up. Feeling much much better this end and have faced the world again

You take care now but always here xx