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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

want to be happy for my sister..

7 replies

annemarie30 · 14/01/2010 23:20

I recently lost my baby girl at 20 weeks. My sister told me today that she's pregnant again. She lost a baby in the past 6 months too and I really want to be happy for her but I feel so sad. I just can't help being a little jealous and i don't want to feel this way.
She so very badly wants her baby and is gonig through the stress of worrying that she might lose this one. i just want to be supportive. I can't tell her how I'm feeling because she'll feel bad about it and she really deserves to be happy and enjoy the pregnancy.

OP posts:
tadjennyp · 15/01/2010 05:46

Don't tell her how you're feeling, just tell her how much she deserves to be happy and enjoy this pregnancy. Jealousy is really understandable so get that off your chest on here and then you can be really supportive of your sister. So sad about both your losses too

MmeLindt · 15/01/2010 06:35

So sorry for your loss, miscarriage is just a horrible thing to go through, particularly so late.

It is normal for you to be envious of your sister, and I am sure that she will understand your feelings. If you are close then get together with her and just talk to her, tell her that you are happy for her but you are finding it difficult. She will understand, particularly since she has had a m/c too.

It was going to happen one way or the other, one of you would have gotten pregnant and the other would have been upset, iyswim.

annemarie30 · 15/01/2010 12:32

I would never tell her how i feel because it would hurt her and I never want to do that to her. It's not made easier by my mother telling her yesterday that she was more concerned about me than she was about her baby I was horrified that my mother could be quite so insensitive. I know very well how my sister must be feeling right now..she must be scared that she'll go through it again. This is why it's so important to me that i try to be supportive..just wish it wasn't so hard.

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 15/01/2010 19:38

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urmagic · 19/01/2010 17:20

Oh I know how you feel. I have just lost my little girl at 19weeks and my sister is 26 weeks pregnant. I find it so hard hearing my mum talk about how she is doing. I am jealous but then I remember my sister lost a baby also and I would be devastated if anything happened to her baby. Thats when I realised I am angry and want my baby back and really I am glad someone else is not suffering what we are going through. I had my first councelling sessoin today and that helped as I could be totally honest about my feeling and remember it could be your hormones that are playing up. We are in a mess at the minute but maybe one day we can try again.

popsy1 · 19/01/2010 21:29

annemarie So sorry for your loss. What a hard situation for you.I feel loosing my baby at 19wks has made me sound horrid at times. I hate the jealousy side to my feelings. Although My Dh tells me its natural, i hate it.
I'm sure your sis will probably know how you are feeling. She is prob worried about how you are as well. Are you close? Do you live near each other?
It may sound thoughtless of your mum, but at least she is aware of your feelings and situation.
Take care

Tads · 20/01/2010 02:19

Firstly, she knows exactly how it feels to lose a baby so I think you are well within your rights to tell her you are struggling. Your message doesn't indicate how far along your sister is but I'm certain she'd be supportive given how much you've been through.

Having said that, she is pregnant and you are not which changes things massively. Drop me a line if you need a chat. I haven't been in exactly the same situation, but I have just lost a baby and I am completely out of your loop. If you fancy offloading to someone totally impartial then drop me a line and I'll send my private email address. x

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