Just had first mc

[WestYorkshireGirl]

I just wanted to 'join' a new thread really & couldn't see one that fits me. Isn't is weird how you start on the TTC threads, then go onto pregnancy and now I am here.

Just having my first mc. Went for my 12 wk scan yesterday. Had a little bleeding before, but wasn't too concerned. At the scan they could see a normal sac, but only something about 2mm which would mean a foetus of about 5 weeks which had died. There was no heart beat and they told me it was unlikely to be viable and to come back on 18 Jan for another scan.

The cramps got worse and I started mc'ing at 6.30pm. Spoke to my independent mf for advice and decided to stick it out as didn't want to go through it at hospital. A lot worse than I anticipated . Had a severe wave of pain and passed something big around 8.30pm, then I had a very hot bath which really helped and took some painkillers belonging to my DH which he is given for his back (mf said OK). Eased a bit until 1-2.30am then had contraction like pain every 10 mins which lasted for a minute or so. At 2.30am I passed something quite large and the pain immediately subsided and I managed to get a few hours sleep. The flow is a lot less now and the cramps like a normal period. Just passed another large clot but with no pain.

Am in bed and have been advised to stay put due to loss of blood etc.

DH being great, but am worried he is trying to be strong and silent. Read some of the leaflets from the Miscarriage Association which helped. Sometimes feel OK, other times very weepy. Feel guilty then as I keep reading how common mc is. Been in touch with work and told them I won't be in next week (job very demanding with lots of travel and just know will find it tough).

This time yesterday thought was about to start telling people good news and now there's nothing to tell.

Does the sadness get any easier?

Am so sorry for you loss WestYorkshireGirl hang in there time does heal just be very kind to yourself.

xxxxxxxxx

Just wanted to say Hi and Yes it does get easier and you must let yourself have good days and bad days.
You have been through a really crap time and your hormones will be all over the place on top of your sadness and loss.

I m/c beg Nov and was feeling particularly sad over the Christmas/New Year break as I would have been about 12 weeks by then and would probably be telling people.
You must give yourself lots of time and talk with your DH about it.
Take Care

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you WestYorkshireGirl. I had a missed miscarriage at the beginning of November - the embryo died at 5 weeks but we didn't find out until 12 weeks. What I found hardest was waiting another 2.5 weeks for the actual miscarriage to happen.

Everyone is different, but personally I've found things have got easier and the sadness lessened as the time has passed. Some days I would feel very sad and others fine. I tried very hard not to think "I would be having my 20-week scan today" and things like that. We are going to start trying again this month. We have also got a holiday planned that wouldn't be possible with children (sorry I don't want to sound unfeeling there, but it helps me to have something to look forward to).

Hi WestYorkshireGirl,

Sorry to hear this is happening to you. I just thought I'd leave a message as I've just had my first miscarriage too, and it was similar to what you described. I had a scan on 29 Dec, they told me to come back on 6 Jan as it looked like a missed miscarriage (which they confirmed on 6 Jan). Then on the 7th (i.e. Thurs) I just started bleeding everywhere, it was awful as I was at a train station that I didn't know very well, it was snowing, and my trousers and legs were all soaked through, and it was all over my hands! I was so embarrassed, people just stared and looked away, I got home and spent 2hrs in the bathroom just sitting there with blood running everywhere. I went in to hospital yesterday and had the ERPC (as although lots came out, the little bean stayed put for some reason).

Anyway, I just thought I'd post a message as although I haven't got any advice, I've been finding it less lonely on this messageboard! Also, I'm from West Yorkshire originally (Wakefield area) so your story kind of hit home with me...

How are you feeling today?

xxxx

Goodluckbear

Thanks so much for your post. I'm sorry to hear of your loss and your experience at the train station sounds awful. It's a bit of a shock how much you lose and quite scary. My DH found it quite upsetting. I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you know not everything had come out - did you go for a scan which showed you still had something inside? I am still bleeding and getting cramps, but not as heavy/constant and definitely felt and saw 3 large things pass, but didn't see anything of the baby. Have another scan a week tomorrow which I hope will confirm everything has gone otherwise I presume I will need an ERPC.

I had a sad day today and just felt depressed when I woke up and then slept in. My mf has said I will feel very tired and should take it easy. She recommended Floradix (iron supplement) and my DH got me some yesterday. I feel better when getting on with little tasks, but am worried about DH going back to work tomorrow and being lonely and depressed. Am going to Drs tomorrow to be signed off for the week as I can't face work and it involves lots of travel which not keen on whilst bleeding and having cramps.

How are you doing?

Hi WestYorks,

I actually only knew it wasn't complete because I was booked in for the ERPC the next day, and when I told them what had happened they did another scan and said that the pregnancy sac was still there and that it was probably just parts of the placenta that had come out. Hopefully your scan next week will show everything clear, but otherwise you can ask to have the ERPC if you wanted it. I can tell you lots about that if you want, but just to say it's ok (as much as these things can be!).

I have come back to work, but I just have a desk job, and I'm lucky that I actually told my boss and she has been really supportive so being back has actually helped - I'm just doing the easy tasks too to keep my mind off it!! I'm finding today the hardest thing is that I forget for a moment what has happened, and then I remember, and it's like a punch in the stomach everytime.

(I should mention that since the ERPC I haven't really had any more cramps, although I am bleeding, but like a very light period - otherwise I don't think I could do it, the cramps are awful, they just remind you all the time of what you've lost).

Tomorrow when your DH is back at work, I'll be online if you fancy a chat?

xxxxxx

oh you poor girl. the same thing happened to me last year. Almost exactly a year ago. Oddly enough am now due today with DC1.

My MMC was unbelievably painful too. Thank god for your DH's pills. I had some the second day from a friend but saw out the first night on nurofen which could not have been less effective.

You may pass clots for a few more days and have some more pain yet.

I echo what the others say. On the one hand don't underestimate what a big knock it is but on the other hand remember that it definitely does get better.

If you are anaemic, as I was, then Floradix won't really cut it. I would recommend getting your GP/nurse to take a blood test because I didn't find out how bad i was for a few months, by which time i was quite a rag doll. You need all the energy, physical and emotional, that you can get to get through the next few months.

Please take as much time off work as you need. there is no right amount of time to take off.

Please also bear in mind that it is not your fault or DH's fault. Sometimes you just get unlucky with the swimmer or the egg. It is very very unlikely to happen next time. (i know this because I probably googled every single web page on the matter - i got totally obsessed).

I found that doing whatever I could to regain control helped a lot. I took biocare uber multivits. after a couple of weeks of boozing and smoking I went down to no fags and a few drinks a week only. I had almost no caffeine and did yoga etc. DH also cut down drinking. WHo knows if this is what made a difference but I just found it made me feel better.

I really feel for you though. There is something about it being deepest darkest coldest January when you had been getting all excited about growing a bump and having an amazing summer, suddenly having that future ripped away from you. ugh it's the pits.
It won't be forever though.
TTC again only when you feel ready and best of luck.
It's horrendous but it does pass.
HUGE hugs etc xxx

Hi Westyorkshiregirl - I posted on your original thread. I miscarried my firt pregnancy at a similar point to you and went on to have two dcs (no more miscarriages). At the time the doctor told me that an incredibly high proportion of pregnancies (something like one in three) end in miscarriage and when I started to talk to people I discovered that quite a few people I knew had had them. It seems to be one of those things people don't talk about unless you ask them. I remember my doctor saying it was such a common occurrence that they wouldn't even bother to investigate unless I had at least three. I found this strangely reassuring. When it happens it does feel like the end of the world - the hormonal turmoil doesn't help! I felt pretty miserable for several months afterwards - especially as everyone else seemed to be either pregnant or giving birth. The doctor told me we could go right ahead and try to conceive again, but my heart wasn't in it. Like you I miscarried in the dark days of early January and I clearly remember the bright day in late Spring standing on a bridge in Paris (where we were living at the time) and feeling a cloud lift from me - I honestly can't tell you why. A few months later we started trying again and I was soon pregnant (at the not particularly youthful age of 35). My advice to you would be to have a really good wallow - cry, grieve and let yourself be upset - keeping in mind that the sooner you staart trying again the sooner you'll be pregnant again. I was pregnant by what would have been my due date in September and I really and truly hope and pray it will be the same for you. I'm a West Yorkshire girl too - be brave I'm thinking of you.

Hi LillianGish and BellaBalloon

Thanks for much for your words and hope that things will get better. I do feel that it is getting a bit better which has been down mainly to the reduction of bleeding and cramping. I seem to have a good day and then a bad day - today hasn't been great, but I know I will get there. Today I got really upset wondering if the baby was in heaven and distressed that it just went down the toilet (I am christian so this matters to me.)

The weather really isn't helping as it's just so grey and depressing and I can't go very far.

Goodluckbear - I will log into the MN tomorrow so I will say Hi on this thread if you are around.

The kindness os strangers is amazing - thank you all.

Hi WestYorks,

I read another post which helped me about if the baby had gone down the toilet - it said that you should remember that if it did then your little bean is now somewhere floating in the sea with all the stars above it. I don't know if this helps, but I liked it as it is a really peaceful image.

(I think all the babies go to heaven).

My day today got worse, although I feel bad about this - my friend just emailed me to say she is 3 months pregnant. I want to feel really happy for her, but her dates are practically the same as mine so now I just feel robbed!! I guess it's disappointment more than anything, as we had both been trying at the same time and had said how cool it would be to be pregnant together.

It's really nice to hear the positive stories though, I feel like I now know so many women who've been through this, and have gone on to have healthy babies, so that's really encouraging!!

How are you feeling today?

xxxxxx

Sorry to hear about your m/c WestYorkshireGirl, look after yourself and I hope your dh continues to look after you as well.

GoodLuckBear- I spoke to you on another thread - sorry to hear that your miscarriage has been so traumatic. I hope you recover soon.

GLB - I am feeling Ok today - thanks for asking. I have pottered about doing things (I decided I needed to give myself tasks to do). When you see things like the earthquake in Haiti, it does help put things in perspective. I also found out last night my boss had a mc at the end of last year which makes me feel so much better about not being at work as she understands. How are you today?

Hiya!!

I feel a bit better today, probably because yesterday is over - after having a bit of a cry yesterday because my mate is pregnant and I'm not, I got a bad coughing fit and vomited up my lunch, and then got a call from the guys in the flat below ours that our kitchen is leaking into theirs - so now have water turned off (no showers, no flushing toilet!) and the plumber has broken the washing machine in the attempt to fix the leak.

So the theory is - nothing else can go wrong!! So I actually feel in a better mood today.

I now have two songs in my head - Yazz "The only way is up" and D:ream "Things can only get better". Maybe this is showing my age...

How's today going for you? Glad to hear your boss is understanding, my boss has been great too, it's nice to know that work isn't something else to worry about. How are you feeling?

xxxxxxx

Well, I was feeling a lot better as the bleeding had nearly stopped, but yesterday I had terrible pain much lower than previously and pain internally when urinating. It wasn't like cystitis which I've always found more painful as it leaves the body. Still had the pain today so have been to Drs and they have taken a urine sample to see if it's a urine infection - am going back on Sat. Hope not as I just want to get better now!

Have been to my weekly pilates class today and done a lot more normal things. My friend is coming over for tea. I was worried I would feel really sad as it's a week today since the scan and it all started, but it's been a lot better than I thought. Have received 2 lovely bunches of flowers from people at work which has cheered me up.

Have been really surprised at lack of info/support though from NHS. Only saw Sonographer at the scan and they said very little about a possible miscarriage (even though I was bleeding a little by then) and what to expect. If I hadn't had my independent MW to ring I don't know what I would have done. I called the NHS MW on Mon as she said she would contact me for my booking in in Jan (I was going to have this first appt with her and get my bloods done and then switch to independent care) and left a message. No one has contacted me. The GP didn't say much other than you have to have 3 MCs before it's considered abnormal. Even if MC is very common, I can't believe no one gives you any practical advice about how to cope. The pain and blood loss was a great deal worse than a period for me and if I hadn't had the support of DH and my MW I don't think I would have coped.

Anyway, enough of me. GLB - sorry to hear about your day - I hope it gets better. I have decided that 2010 can only get better now!!!!!

I totally agree - if it wasn't for reading this messageboard, I would not have had any preparation at all for what the blood loss would be like. All I was told was "you may find you start bleeding like a heavy period" - as if!! Although I'm sure that is the case for some, it would've been better if they'd been explicit - no sure thing as TMI when it's the first time it's happened to you.

Thank goodness for Mumsnet is all I can say.

Hope the pain goes away soon - or if it is a urine infection, it gets cleared up really quick. Has your bleeding nearly gone now? It will be nice when you're back to full health, makes it easier to deal with the emotional stuff when you're feeling good physically I reckon.

xxxxxxxxx

Hi!

I wanted to post because I've also just had my first m/c. We had our 12 week scan on Monday and discovered not only that I was carrying twins but that they had died at 7 wks and 7.3 wks. Total shock as I was having dreadful morning sickness and so was a bit complacent about the whole thing.

I've had an ERPC and am in a bit of pain. Not much bleeding though. The physical feelings and symptoms of being pregnant are completely gone though which is a sort of mixed blessing. A relief but also quite hard to get my head round.

I just wanted to say what fantastic care we've had. Every medical professional we've come into contact with has been sympathetic, thorough, and completely caring. Having read other horror stories, I feel very lucky. When we asked the remarkable sister in EPAC if there was anyway of finding out the gender of our babies, she asked me what I'd thought I was having. When I said a boy, she said 'then that's what they were.' It sounds like nothing, but meant so much at the time.

I'm so sorry for all of you who have experienced this. The grief on this thread is palpable. Good to know that there are others out there.

Hi Limelight

Sorry to hear about your mc, but really glad you were looked after so well. It's a week on now and I am finding things a lot easier.

hi there
new to this site, looking for advice from people who've had m/c or mm/c. I had a mm/c beg of dec 09. i went for a scan at the EPU as i had starting bleeding. i thought i was 10 wks, got told that the feotus had died at around 6 wks. I was admitted as the scan triggered a hugh bleed, the feotus was passed whilst i was in hospital. I had the f/up scan a wk later & they said everything had passed, my ovaries & womb looked normal. almost a month on from mm/c i started getting a lot of dark bloody discharge. i took this to be my body trying to have a period, it lasted only a few days but only seemed to appear when i went to the loo. I spoke to my gp - not very helpful- male gp! who said this was normal and not to count it as a period, since then I have had a lot of discharge like cervical fluid mixed with blood, went to a gum clinic to check for infections - they told me that i was passing inflammed tissue. got antibiotics but it is now over 6wks on from my mm/c & i'm worried that my body isn't repairing itself & that more damage is being done. Has anyone else experience this? I've got to see my gp again next week once the antibiotics are finished.

Hello,

I am new to this site also but wanted to say what you are describing is almost exactly the same as what is happening to me. I started spotting on 18th Dec, then heavy bleeding and passed baby on 19th Dec at exactly 9 weeks. I bled lots for just over a week. Then I started spotting on Monday, and it has been on and off since - it is 4 weeks today since mc. I thought it was my period to begin with but it is brown and also contains mucus so am guessing it is the mc still. Thought I was feeling better emotionally but had a terrible day yesterday and today. Not much help I am afraid, except your post helped me realise this is probably normal, so thank you.

Inlaw. Sorry, but I haven't experienced this as I have only just MC'd. Hopefully someone might be able to help.