A friend (we're quite good friends though things have drifted a bit over the past few months, as things do at busy times) sent out an email telling people that their daughter was stillborn a few days ago. I think she would have been about 6 months pregnant.
I am very very sad for them and would like to be supportive but also do not want to intrude or seem 'vulturish'.
In the email she did stress that they hope to see people soon - implying that they don't expect people to keep away - and told us what they have named the baby.
I've had many pregnancy losses myself (though much much earlier than this) and I know that I really appreciated it when people were willing to acknowledge my grief and talk about the baby, but I also know that some people might prefer to deal with things more privately. I'm not sure how to judge it as the absolute last thing I want is to make things any worse for them. Should I wait for her to begin a conversation or should I ask questions?
On a practical level, should I send flowers or just a card? Have thought about dropping a meal over etc, and I'd be delighted to look after their eighteen month old if they need a break at any time or do some cleaning... I don't want to do the wrong thing though and apprear patronising as though I'm implying they can't cope.
If you have been in this situation, what did you find supportive and helpful? Or, if you have helped a friend through something like this, how did you manage it? I'd be really grateful for your advice on this.