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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Missed miscarriage - first time pregnant - need hope?

14 replies

Goodluckbear · 31/12/2009 10:37

Hi everyone,

I haven't got anyone to talk to as I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant, but I went to A&E on Tuesday because I had a tiny, tiny bit of blood (kind of brown, like the end of a period) and they ended up doing a scan just to make sure it was ok, and I really thought it would be fine, but she said that the baby had stopped growing after 6 weeks. I'm supposed to be 9 weeks today. So I have to go back next Wednesday and have the scan again and then she said I could have a D&C (?) but that I might properly miscarry before then anyway.

I was so excited, it was our first time trying and I was really looking forward to telling my family (it's my Nan's birthday soon so I was going to tell them then, I'd have been 13 weeks then, she'd have been really pleased as it would be a great-grandchild!). I know everyone already suspects, as I wasn't drinking at Christmas, and people keep saying "can we expect an announcement soon?" in that kind of "we know you're pregnant really" way (actually, some people have just been directly asking!). I'm just hiding from everyone now because I can't bear to be asked, because I suppose technically I am pregnant but not for much longer.

Anyway, I'm sorry this is a really long thing, I feel like I've got loads I want to say and no-one to say it too (obviously, there's my husband, but I don't want to go on and on about it as I know he's trying to be brave and whatnot). I was just wondering if anyone can tell me about how they had a missed miscarriage and then later on got pregnant and had a healthy baby, as I think if I thought that this was just one of those things and that I could be a bit more confident that I will get pregnant again and next time it will work out, then I'd have something a bit more positive to think about. Rather than just feeling like it's all gone wrong and I'll never have a baby.

This is probably my worst New Year's Eve ever!!


OP posts:
Pod1 · 31/12/2009 11:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had an almost identical experience in 2007 and I know that it feels like your world is ending. If it is any consolation at all, it is very likely that you will go on to have a successful pregnancy. My little girl will be 3 in May and we're expecting another baby in June. Try to share your feelings with your husband if you can. I bottled things up and it didn't do me any good. I can totally understand you wanting to hide away from everyone (and everything). I think it's a very natural reaction. I really hope things work out for you. I rarely post on here (no time anymore!) but I felt I couldn't ignore your message. Take care.

Muser · 31/12/2009 11:02

Sorry to hear your news Goodluckbear. I miscarried last month, very early on, and didn't need any intervention. It is very hard, so please let yourself be sad about it and don't feel you have to put a brave face on.

I told close family what had happened, as normally Christmas involves a rousing chorus of "when are you having babies" and I couldn't bear it. Everyone was fantastic. And I found out my m-i-l had gone through the same thing between having her kids. So there's one person with a miscarriage who went on to have kids.

Miscarriage is incredibly common. Three out of every 10 pregnancies end in miscarriage. That's a huge number. Plenty of women have one and then go on to have children later. I found lots of women who'd got pregnant their next cycle, or within a few months, and now had healthy babies. So just because you've had one doesn't mean you'll never have a baby. It really is just bad luck.

Please don't give up hope. And please talk about it with people if you feel you need to. I had to tell some people and they were wonderful. I'd pick who you tell though, some people will be a bit shocked and not say the right thing. And feel free to slap anyone who says "well at least you know you can get pregnant".

tinierclanger · 31/12/2009 11:10

Hi Goodluckbear, so sorry to hear what is happening to you. Just wanted to say I had a similar experience, except I didn't start bleeding until 11 weeks, and then went for scan to find the pregnancy had ended at 6 weeks. I miscarried naturally (which was very painful, it may not be for you but you should be prepared). We were both devastated and I had to really grieve and I wanted to protect DP too but to be honest it was much better when I shared my feelings with him. Talking about it was very helpful for me so I did talk to one or two friends about it. I also went for acupuncture which helped me deal with the anxiety I had afterward.

Anyway, the good news that you were asking for is that I went on to get pregnant again 7 months after the MMC and carried my lovely DS to term with no problems.

Miscarriage as the others on this thread have said is very common and you would find that if you did tell people (I'm not saying you should) you will probably hear that it has happened to other people you know.

Look after yourself.

Pod1 · 31/12/2009 11:11

Meant to say also that if you do tell people you will probably find that they have either miscarried themselves or know someone who has. Four people at work confided in me after I lost the baby. My mum lost one (between me and my sister)and my sister went through it twice. All went on to have healthy babies. Completely agree with Muser - people will try to be helpful but they don't always know what to say for the best.

Goodluckbear · 31/12/2009 11:39

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it.

It's really nice to know that others have been through this and have got kids now - I know that sounds weird (as obviously, it's not nice to know that people have had miscarriages, if you get what I mean).

I think I'll wait until next week and have the scan, and then make some decisions and then tell a few people. I might tell my Mum as I think (can't remember really) that she may have had a miscarriage before she had me, and I'm the eldest of four so that's a good sign! I've avoided telling her so far just because she'd obviously tell my Dad, and my Dad would be gutted, not because of not having a grandchild, but because he gets upset if he thinks I'm upset (I remember one time we both ended up crying because I was was worried about an exam, it was kind of ridiculous). So I might wait a little bit before I tell them. I've got a couple of friends who I might tell, but I think I'll just have a quiet night tonight and then maybe give one of them a call at the weekend.


OP posts:
2010jollster · 31/12/2009 12:03

can only echo what other posters have said,... it is so sadly common, and you only tend to find that out when you have gone through it yourself...

I have one DS, now 19 months, and got pg TTC#2 first month in June. When I went for my scan at 13 weeks baby had died the week before. I had an ERPC (new name for D&C) and it was absolutely fine. Felt I couldn't go for natural or medical management because of DS - I only say this in case you need to and to put your mind at rest... process is fine.

The overwhelming majority of women I know with children have also sadly had miscarriages. At the start, middle and/or end of their family...

I'm sorry you're going through this, and it's extra tough at this time of year (trying to get appointments/the whole reflective nature of one year passing). But you sound young (if you still have your nan alive) so you have lots of time to conceive another. Good luck x

purpleflower · 31/12/2009 12:14

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I had a mmc a few years ago when I was 19. I went for my 12 week scan and found out we had lost the baby at 9weeks. I had the ERPC which really wasn't as bad as I expected it to be.

I fell pregnant again a couple of months later, I did the pregnancy test on what would've been my due date. I now have a very healthy 3 year old boy and a 14 month old little girl. Both were very straight forward pregnancys.

Good luck and try to take care of yourself.


Lcy · 31/12/2009 12:18

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. My first pregnancy resulted in a mmc at 12 weeks - it was devestating. I got pregnant 3 months later and now have a 16 month old girl. Look after yourself and when you feel ready try again.

JennyJW · 31/12/2009 13:23

So soory for your loss. I too had a missed miscarriage. Found out at 13 week scan. I had a very good healthy twin pregnancy before that. When I went back to work everybody was very supprtive. And theres 10 people in my office and 5 of us have had miscarriages but all of them have gone on to have healthy babies later. I'm worried too even though I have had one healthy pregnancy and now have beautiful twins. But that was 7 years ago and I keep on thinking that something might have happened in my body since then. But you can worry about a lot of things but I think the best thing is try not to and just try again. Like so many people have said miscarriages are sadly very common. Best of luck.x

Goodluckbear · 31/12/2009 14:00

Thanks, and thanks everyone for sharing what happened with you, I guess I never realised that so many people have been through this trauma!!

I'm going to head home now, being in the office is a bit rubbish anyway, thanks again for all the support.

Have a great 2010.


OP posts:
goldieandthreebears · 31/12/2009 14:07

Goodluckbear sorry for your loss, but please don't lose hope.

I was in your situation 10 years ago, devastated after my first pregnancy ended like yours. 10 years on I have 3 beautiful children.

I know how devastating having a miscarriage is, but think of it as one of life's trials and that this (dreadful) experience will make you a better parent.

amyboo · 06/01/2010 15:16

Hi goodluckbear. Sorry to hear about your mmc, but as others have said, please don't lose hope. I got pregnant on my second cycle of "trying" back in February, only to have a mmc at 13 weeks. I was absolutely distraught and convinced myself that I'd never get pregnant again. After the d&c I had one cycle of not trying, one cycle of trying and then got pregnant on the next cycle - so around 3 months after the d&c. I'm now nearly 28 weeks and everything is going fine.

So, please try not to get too down about it all, I'm sure you'll be pregnant again in no time. I was amazed to find out how common mc/mmc are when I had mine. It's amazing how many people came out of the woodwork and told me that they'd been through similar, etc.

Good luck x

RooMeister · 07/01/2010 15:36

Hello All

I just wanted to say a big thank you for sharing your stories. I had a miscarriage with my first just before christmas. I was only 6 weeks but it was still very upsetting. I have been trawling the internet ever since and getting myself a bit down about the whole thing, wondering if I should have done anything differently and worrying about going through it again.

However, this thread has made me feel really optimistic and upbeat about the future. Your stories have cheered me up no end and I can't wait to start giving it another bash (so to speak!).

Best wishes to all of you and good luck for those who are hoping to conceive in the near future.

MaHobbit · 07/01/2010 21:48

The stats are good and lots of us have gone on to have good experiences.

I tried for over a year before conceiving then had a MMC. The ERPC was OK, but I needed a bit of follow up because of minor concerns.

I was pregnant three months later - and my little man will be 2 in March.

We started trying again to allow ourselves plenty of time for fertility problems/mc ( which never happened) and no 2 is due in April.

So yes, there's plenty of hope. And I have spotted or bled every pregnancy.

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