So here i am, swinging from anger to dispair to sadness minute by minute. Just dont know what to do with myslef, so thought i would come on here for a chat.

[sunburntats]

Had my 5th mc on Wednesday. Came out of hospital yesterday morning.

feeling dizzy when i stand up for longer than a few minutes.

This mc was different to all the others. I have lost a baby this time. Heart beat there, 10 weeks gone.

I am swinging from being desperately sad, not knowing how i am going to get over this, to feeling okish.

I need to be normal for ds (6) but i am filled with dread at the thought of him coming home from school and me not bieng able to keep things normal. He has no idea about the pregnancy, we never tell him.

Its early days, i know. But i am fed up, no i ma actually fucked off with the unfairness of it all.

so so sorry to hear this sad news, life is quite unfair sometimes. I don't know what to say to you apart from concentrate on DS, but you must cry and grieve for your little baby. I lost my little peanut a year ago tomorrow, but am writing this while holding my sleeping 12 weeks old gorgeous DD, so miracles do happen. Hang on in there xx

Hello. I'm really sorry for your losses. I've only had one mc and I think that is bad enough so really feel for you to have had to go through it so many times. I too saw the heartbeat at 7 week scan and the the baby died soon afterthat but only found out at 13 week scan. I never told my twins(6 years) about the pregnancy. Sometimes I wish I had though as they keep on wondering what is wrong with me, crying and going to the DR and hospital all the time ( had erpc and still bleeding 4 weeks later.)I'm very happy I've got them and most of the time they keep my mind of sadness and tummy problems. But sometimes I feel really grumpy with them for no reason. It is very hard. I think it will just take time. Take care of yourself and your family. I wish you better days ahead.

Totally ok to be fucked off with the unfairness - it isn't fair.

Sorry for your losses. I had Dc then lmc, emc, dc, lmc and waiting for bleeding to stop and body to get back to ttc again. It does seem really unfair at times because it is.

This last time tended to cry at night / on way to work / when alone etc and have tried to let out all the loss in dribs and drabs, not for all I know, but this helped me to be more 'normal' around the dcs and let them get what they wanted/needed.

Having said that I have sat for hours minutes on here while dc2 has played at my feet and got a LOT of support (many thanks).

Take it one moment at a time - as an adult and a parent you are still allowed to feel sad about life and things that are sad - would your dc understand that something sad has happened and so if you can't be 'normal' around them they may understand that you are just being sad IYSWIM?

Also give yourself a break if you aren't totally normal around your dc - something very significant has happened in your life. Be kind to yourself and try to take it one moment at a time.

Thinking of you xx

Thanks.
had a little sleep this afternoon, and was woken by a knock at the door. It was my lovely friends husband dropping off magazines and a huge bar of Galaxy chocolate.
felt better after my sleep, cleaned the fridge out and swept the floors.
Tomorrow if i am not dizzy, im going to venture to Tesco for a potter. Need to do stuff i think.
Just feel so sad sometimes.

I really do understand. I have just had my third miscarriage last week. I was also at the 10 week stage and had seen a nice strong heartbeat. I feel bereft and very alone. I have not told anyone in real life apart from my hubby and my boss so I go to work and have to act normal, I talk to my friends and pretend everything is great and all the time I am just crying inside. Would you like to hand hold to get through this horrendous time? I could really do with the support to be honest. So sad and sorry for our losses.

sun im so very sorry you are having to go through this all again.

it makes it so much worse when you have seen that heartbeat makes it much more real.

there are always people on here to support you.

god knows how i coped without mumsnet when i had my first 2 mc.

take care. xx

keevamum i would love to hand hold through this. I need to talk to some one who knows, no one i know has experience of this.
I dont want to seem to be moaning, but its almost like they are thinking "you are dragging this bereavement thing out a bit"

How are you today? How do you get throught he days?

I feel so up and down, one minute I am absolutely fine and the next thing I am crying again. One of the reasons I didn't tell anyone this time round is that no one really understands. I also feel people have their own expectations of when you should start to get over it and so to be honest didn't really find anyone's support that great which is why we have kept it to ourselves this time. That of course has it's own problems as no one knows what has happened so I feel very isolated but I'd rather my friends could be normal around me without worrying what to say and quite often in my friends cases not say anything at all as they didn't know what to say, which made me feel 100 times worse. I wish it could be different but the only friend I may actually confide in who is my closest friend has recently had an abortion so I am guessing things could get very tricky there. Can I ask you, how old are you? Have you had any tests to find out why? Are you going to try again in the future?
I am asking as I have just turned 37 and our greatest wish was to have a third child but I just don't think at my age that I can honestly put myself through it all again. Obviously I am very lucky to have 2 children but that wasn't the plan.

Hi Keeva, I understand what you are saying about the isolation. I feel it very accutely.

I am 39. I have had bloods sent off for chromosomal testing, me and dh. It all came back normal.
the last 3 miscarriages were all blighted ovum.
The 1st there was a baby there, lost at 7 weeks.
I went on to have 1 more mc, then had my boy. He is 6. The pregnancy was difficult, but i had no bleeding.

We decided to try for a second child about 2.5 years ago, I have had 3 mcs in the last 18 months.
Referred to Gynae consultant, but have never seen him. Only his juniors.
They also did bloods for hormone levels, these were low. So they prescribed Clomid.
I have another appointment with the gynae chap early January, im going to speak with him before i start the clomid.
Really really want to try again, one last time.
My age is against me, i know that is why we have decided to try as soon as possible, even before i start the clomid.

I just feel so so alone. No one is interested in me, no one wants to help me, (medically i mean)
I got one text of a friend today, other than that, nothing for a few days off any one.
Dh is great but he just wants normality, it is important for ds so i am doing my best.

What about you, have you had investigations?
Are you going to try again?

argh sunburntats that is so hard for you. We "chatted" before.

did you look into seeing someone privately to actually see someone at the top of their field?

really very very sorry, i had a miscarriage the day before my 12wk scan with my second baby nearly 4yrs ago and i've had two more children since then and i still feel quite heartbroken about it. its really unbelievable how many women have miscarriages, and i hope you find some strength in the love that you have for and from your family

Hi sorry I haven't responded for a few days. I have been busy taking the kids to xmas parties etctera. That has been really good actually in taking my mind off it and throwing myself into xmas. Although it is only a temporary respite I am going to enjoy it. Since my erpc last week I haven't been back to my GP so as far as I know they will not automatically offer me any investigations as my 3 mcs have had 1 successful pregnancy in between so I don't fit the criteria. However, I am definitely going to request a hormone count as my own theory which may be completely wrong is that I am unable to carry boys as my progesterone level is low. However, apart from one blood test in my early twenties which showed hormonal imbalance I don't really have any evidence to go on. I would love to try again but am not sure whether I can emotionally cope with another mc should it happen again. That makes me very sad whenever I think this is it now but equally am trying to hold onto the fact I have had 2 beautiful dds so for that reason I will always be grateful. How are you feeling this week? Is Xmas helping to take your mind off it?