How to cope!

[Twinny1]

Hi,

I have never been on here before so am a bit new to all this, I just feel I have no one else to talk to without people thinking I am silly, and I have heard you can talk to a stranger better.

I had my second MC last month and I though I was coping well but I have just started my first period since it happened and it doesn't feel right I shouldn't be having a period. I had my 1st MC 4 years ago and it has taken that long for me to get caught again, I kept saying to myself when I found out I was having a baby that nothing was going to happen as god wouldn't do it to me. I'm not a big believer in praying an stuff but I found myself doing it about 3 times a day but after a week of finding out I had a MC and I really thought I was coping well until I got my first period after and now I feel ready to crack up. I cry at the slightest thing, everywhere I look there is something about babies and i just can't stop thinking about it.

How do I cope with this?
Please someone talk to me x x x

Welcome Twinny and I am so sorry that you have arrived here in such sad circumstances.

If you have a look in the different topics, there is a board for miscarriage and you may find it helpful to read through some of the threads to see how others cope - there are, sadly, a great many of us on here who have been through similar experiences

As for coping...go easy on yourself. I found that it wasn't until after the physical stuff was over that it really hit me, and the first period is a bit of a difficult milestone. I felt worst about a month afterwards, just when people around me thought that I would/should be 'moving on'.

Speak to your partner or family and let them know you still need a bit of tlc, and I hope you get the support you need, both on here and in real life.

lovely ladies here

Hi, i have sent a link to another thread on here, all the girls have been through repeated mc, feel free to pop across and chat to us

Hi Twinny1, really sorry you're feeling so low.

I just read somewhere else on this thread that the Miscarriage Association are really good to talk to, or rather to listen to whatever you want to say. This person spent an hour on the phone to them.

Hi twinny

Sorry for your losses. I can't really offer any advice as I am feeling exactly the same way. My daughter passed away after her birth in April and I just had a MC. I prayed and prayed and thought that God wouldn't put me through any more shit. So, I am left utterly disillusioned, defeated and lost. All my feelings kicked in after my ERPC on Friday and I am not coping too well. Just have to have ride through it each day at a time.

Tetley how are you? Are you still in Italy? xx

Hi All,

Thank you for all your kind advice. I suppose we all just have to take each day as it comes and try not to lose faith in ourselves.

sh77 I'm really sorry for your losses I really was not coping until I came on here today and just looking at comments people have made has shown me there are alot of people out there who understand exactly how we are feeling and it is really nice to talk to people who understand for a change. i really hope your feeling better soon x

Hi Twinny and SH77 and all the others who have shared this terrible loss... I lost my baby at 19 weeks just over a year ago. It was terrible and the weeks and months that followed were pretty terrible too. For me in the darkest weeks immediately after I lost him the only things that got me through were the kind words on here and on the Sands forum (currently not open, sadly). I don't really have any practical advice other than to say I found it really helpful to talk on here - I really needed to find people who were going through what I was going through right then and there and I was able to do so on this site.

I think the pain of a miscarriage or a stillbirth never really leaves you, but a year on, I can say that I'm doing ok. I hope you can find your way through to some peace.

I am so sorry for all your losses.

The one thing that helped last time (sorry for the cleeshay) was time and then odd things can choke you up and get you to think about things unexpectedly.

It DOES get better (even if sometimes you don't want it to get better IYSWIM) in time and in my experience the feelings don't stop (I still miss all my wee ones who didn't make it) BUT they do get manageable and slowly I have learnt to put them away in a special place as life does move on .

You are right, it's right when you need the support and for people to understand that this is still happening to you that everyone seems to think it's all over. I think that happens a lot with bereavement.

Everyone on here is great and the SANDS forum was fantastic 3 years ago (hoping it will open soon).

Take care of yourself and take the time you need - people keep telling me it is not wrong to feel sad as something very sad has happened to me. Same for us all.

Thinking of you and hope you have a sunnier day tomorrow xx

Hi twinny and sh77

Twinny, it's hard to know what to say because it seems so unfair when it takes so long to get pregnant and then it's taken away from you. I hope you can find the support you need. You'll always find someone to listen on MN. Wish I could find the right words to make you feel better.

sh77 I'm so sorry things have got harder since the erpc, I've been wondering how you were. I can imagine it's a kind of starting again. While you're in the middle of the whole m/c process you're somehow taken up with it all (this is what i felt), sort of cushioned by being "ill". But once it's all "over" you're back to real life and the horrible reality of it all.

The chances are that things WILL go smoothly next time. I try to rationalise it and think that luck/probability, whatever you want to call it, is on my side for next time round (I'm a scientist and naturally analytical...). It HAS to be for you because you've been through the worst imaginable situation, and life simply cannot dish up bad luck for you again. You went through 2 dreadful experiences, but they were completely different and unrelated, so hopefully not necessarily likely to repeat themselves. These are all just words, I know, and mean nothing next to the abyss of sadness you probably feel. We have to try and have faith in ourselves and in the future. Sorry for rambling on. Big hug.

I know how you feel. I had my first miscarriage 13 days ago and feel no-one understands or that my boyfriend is sick of me going on about it all.

Stay strong, keep busy and take lots of care. I know it sounds like silly/generic advice but it's so true. xxx

I find this time of year especially hard as Christmas is all about family and little ones.

I had a day of tears on Friday and it's knocked me a bit. Our 2nd mc baby was conceived on NYE, and our 3rd mc would have been due on Dec 20th. We never made it beyond 10 weeks with any of our 4 mcs but I still miss and long for my little ones.

Sorry didn't mean to offload but I know you will all understand.

I hope we all have good news soon x