depressed after miscarriage

[pippapenguin]

I had a miscarraige 8 weeks ago but the pain is getting worse not better. I was 10 weeks pregnant and we had been trying for 6 years. I can honestly say I had never been so happy as when I was pregnant for those few weeks. Now I think everyone expects me to be over it but when I'm on my own all I do is mourn my lost baby.I cry and I think about cutting my wrists, I slap my face till it stings and dig my nails deep into my palms.If I really hurt myself maybe then people might see how much I'm hurting. They never even mention it, even my DP.People talk about their pregnancies and their friends pregnancys and I feel like screaming at them. Everywhere I go I see babies, pregnant ladies,happy families. I miss it all desparately. When I lay in the bath I look at my empty belly with disgust. Sorry for going on but noone in RL wants to know

You are not alone a lot of women on mn have been through this, it is still recent, can you try and tell your partner how you feel or talk to someone in real life?

I am so sorry for your loss and how you are feeling. You really are not alone, loads of women feel this way and sometimes it seems really unfair that everything is just so normal around you when things are so sad in your own space. It has all happened so recently.

Have you talked to your docs or been given any information on support groups? If you were seen by an EPU they may have a counsellor who you can talk to, I know it sometimes doesn't feel like it can make a difference, but talking things through has really helped me in the past. Sometimes it can really help to talk to people who understand what you are going through.

Links here to Miscarriage Association, their leaflets are good (They made me cry a lot, but did help - especially the blokey one) and Babyloss site.

The Miscarriage Association

Babyloss

Hope you can feel better soon and again I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby.

Thinking of you
xx

Pippa, I'm so sorry for your loss. After my MC my feelings were pretty much as you describe but we had not been trying for as long as you and I imagine that makes it doubly hard. The links that BB99 posted were helpful to me.

It does get easier but it takes time. It is a bereavement but it is very hard for others to understand because your baby wasn't as tangiable to them (including your DP probably) as it was to you.

Can you talk to your DP about doing something special to remember your baby by? We planted a tree in our garden and I say hello to 'her' in my head I see it there.

Thanks for all your kind words. I suppose what I really need is to talk to someone/anyone who wants to listen so a councellor is probably the way forward for me. Noone in rl wants to even mention my miscarriage, you can see it makes them uncomfortable. What makes it so hard is that I cant see myself conceiving again, I'd pretty much given up hope before I got pregnant, in fact it had been so much easier to come to terms with infertility than miscarraige. To have someone growing inside you, even for a short space of time, only for it to die, is too cruel after such a long wait.

HI Pippapenguin

Im so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and I fully understand how you're feeling. I lost my dad when he was only 46 and the difference with that was, that a lot of people shared the grief but I think the fact that you feel isolated because its only you that felt something for that little baby and whereupon everyone is likely to lose a paretn, not everyone goes through a miscarriage. They just don't understand how it feels. I've had 3 miscarriages in the past 2 years and the last one was in Apri and I'm still grieving and worried about the future so I do know how you feel.

pippa..am sorry to hear your loss. pls dont be too depressed as theres always us here on MN to talk to whenever you feel sad.
i had 2 mcs both at 6wks; one in 2005 n another last yr b4 i finally had my 1st child in july this yr. always keep saying to others its my 1st when my heart wants to say its my 3rd..
the 1st mc i was too shocked to cry cos' i didnt expect to get pregnant although just got off contraception after 2 yrs of marriage n last yrs mc i cried for a mth cos' been trying for quite some time n mc happened. even dh was unsympathetic when i got the news from the sonographer i still remember that day as if it was yesterday.
friends came over uninvited that day n i had to wipe my tears n told them abt it.
one said 'oh its still in early stage'. i didnt say anything bad to her although i could kill her that day..
anyway pippa telling this to you brought tears to me again but u know one thing, our babies would be in a happy place right now n it gives me peace thinking of them in there..

hope you feel better soon n dont lose hope..

hi pippa - yso sorry to hear what you are going through. it must be absolutely heartbreaking to have waited so long to get pregnant and then to lose it after ten weeks.
i can absolutely imagine how excited and happy you were and what a shock it must have been. i find your original post very worrying. i feel you really need to talk to a professional about this and fast. you are harming yourself and that is serious. you are having suicidal thoughts which suggests you may be clinically depressed and who can blame you? either way you need help and support. i am sure if you confided in your GP you would be fast tracked for counselling at the very least and probably offered the chance to talk to a psychologist.whereabouts do you live? outside London you probably have a better chance of getting a counsellor on the NHS. i have had four miscarriages and have not been offered any counselling but i am in central London..