No va va voom today.

[bb99]

Just can't seem to shake out of the blues and feeling crap today. Gave birth to baby G (18+5 NFH/IUD) last Fri.

Had a great day yesterday - sunny too, went to m&b toddler group with youngest dc and caught up with some friends and even got my anger under control that I felt towards in-laws...

Today just can't seem to shake myself out of it. Was going to take dc to another thing we usually do on a Friday, but don't think I can face all the babies there . Ha, ha, ha, thought I was so smart yesterday, but was waiting for the crash. Have started bleeding and cramping more too, just to add to the puffy ankles, sore norks, backpain, stomach cramps and massive agony on back passage everytime I do anything on the loo. Oh and have run out of ST

DC is trying so hard to cheer me up - turned on radio and put on music and danced around like a maniac a minute ago . Can't shake the feeling I'm being really unfair to dc too as I am just so miserable today

Well, will try to leave the house now and go put on my plastic smile and go 'oohh, it's all fine, fine, fine' when people ask how I am s lots of people didn't know I was pg and now I'm not.

[ClaireDeLoon]

don't know what to say except that I'm so sorry for what you are going through

Can DH pop home with ST to save you having to go out?

hugs for you

[bb99]

Did manage out of the house and STs, even tried m&b group, but LOADS od very pg ladies and new borns there today so we only stayed a bit, and DC was being a bit of a monkey, so we came home via shops...

Must go and eat st johns wort and chocolate, despite best intentions to diet, have not achieved that yet.

Rant, rant.

Thanks ClaireDeLoon, hugs gratefully received - it just seems to drag on and on and on and really am scared of getting depressed and I know each time it seems to be over it's all probably still lurking IYSWIM. Guess I just need a pat on the head sometimes.

Maybe I'll bug the hospital today and ask about karyotyping me and DH, that should cheer me up

[bb99]

Must have been something in the ether - just got call from hospital, boy is back from the pm and have funeral date.

xx

[bb99]

Now, today I am 'lazy'...

DH had to work today and before he left I was a bit in bed (did the 6.30 convince dc to stay in bed) and he called me lazy ffs.

All I want to do is disapear under my duvet for about a month and I have to keep going and going and going, trying not to be horrid to anyone when all I want is to be left alone and have a good boo.

Oh well, guess that just makes me 'lazy' too and crap at having babies...

[bb99]

Oh and now I have just found out that DH has lost ALL dc's toothbrushes - how you can lose 3 toothbrushes in one night I don't know, and the 'cleaning toothbrush' was on the side - DC told me they used that FFS???*

I can't believe just how utterly useless dh can be just when I need a bit of propping up. I propped him up in the hospital, before the hospital, in the 3 days he took off work (I haven't had a day off) and it seems as though if I ever stop moving for a minute the wheels of the whole home fall off. Because I haven't been checking the finances like a hawk he's also got bank charges again. I know I want 3 children, but I had anticipated the last one being a baby , not in his fecking thirties............................................................................................ .................

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It would be so lovely if he could just try a bit, but no - I still wipe the toilets and floors down atleast twice a day, clean the kitchen floor everyday as he drops food everywhere and run around the house desperately trying to keep things in some vague state of order. OMG, I could just kill slap him today. And I will have to be all lovely as he has had to go to work poor, poor man.

Supposed to be taking him out tomorrow for a long planned suprise - don't know if I can be bothered. Calling me damned lazy GRRRRRRRRRR.

Rant over, plastic smile re-attached, sorry.