Think I am about to have my 6th miscarriage, am feeling very low.

[willitbe]

Sorry I just need somewhere to put this down somewhere. Not really expecting anyone to read my waffling, but just need to express it somewhere.

I am extremely fortunate to have three wonderful children, and I acknowledge this fully. But my dh and I always hoped for 4 children, but this 4th child seems not to be forthcoming.

I had one m/c before my last child. But in the last 13 months I have had 4 early miscarriages, and looks like I am about to have a 5th in a row.

I am only 4weeks and 6 days. I have not started bleeding yet but the hpts are starting to get lighter and the hcg level taken a week after the first positive hpt was only 78.

Therefore it feels like just a matter of time before the inevitable. Two of the m/c have started at 5w1d, and so even my mind is not saying "two more days til the bleeding starts".

I hate this time between getting a positive test and knowing finally that a m/c has definitely occurred.

I know I should be grateful that I am having natural complete early m/c and not mmc or having to go through an erpc. But I am just so fed up with it.

I know that once the bleeding starts and I have confirmation that the hcg levels are going down then I will be able to accept it, but the waiting to have it confirmed is so hard.

I am feeling so low about it, and struggling to motivate myself to get on with normal life at the moment. I need to kick myself out of this state and get on with life. I can't do anything to change the inevitable loss of this next baby, so sitting around moping does not help. If anyone has read this far and has any advice on how I can cope with the next few days then please share it with me, because I sure don't know how to cope.

I'm so sorry, I haven't really got any words of advice to help you with, but couldn't not say anything.

Have they done any tests to find out why this might be happening?

Take care of yourself over the next few days... nice baths? doze under a fleecy blanket? big mugs of hot chocolate? Be kind to yourself.

Dear willitbe

I just wanted you to know I have read your post and send you lots of love to one extremely brave lady.

I have just had my first mc, so cannot imagine what you must be going through. Don't beat yourself up about not being able to get on with normal life, be kind to yourself and whatever you can do to make that "normal" life a little easier for you then do it. I was signed off sick with a threatened miscarriage waiting for mine. I only asked to work from home but they were amazing and basically sent me off to the GP.

I was just trying to create some normality but, once off work, realised I needed to cocoon myself at home for a while and that did help.

Since the mc (I have one DS and one stepson) I have tried to concentrate more than usual on the boys, keeping busy by baking (the need to create something I think I am now swimming in cupcakes and biscuits ;)) and giving in to the youngest in the night sharing his bed with him when he has had a bad cough ( I know making a rod for my own back but hey) - basically responding I think, to a need to step back a bit and go with my instincts.

I am now waffling but hope this at least helps and I am thinking of you.

XX

oh, I'm so sorry that's not good.
Have you had these Hcg level tests done at the hospital, are they monitoring you from the very beginning? Do they have any answers for you?
I would say either make sure you get some TLC or do something to take your mind off it completely, can you get away for the weekend, or for a day out?
Hope you are ok
x

Hello, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I've got two dcs and have just had my second mc in a row so I can only imagine how you're feeling after trying so hard for your 4th child.

I think there are a few things it's worth remembering. Firstly, of course you are lucky to have your children, as I am lucky to have mine and of course an early and natural miscarriage is preferable to a later mc requiring intervention, BUT you are still experiencing the loss of a pregnancy and all the thoughts and hopes you had for that child. Please allow yourself the time to feel whatever feelings you'll have. There will always be people who are worse off than we are and it's good to be grateful for what you have already but that doesn't mean you should just pick yourself up and get on with it.

I have found that how I feel isn't necessarily linear, in that I don't feel very sad, then a little less sad, then a little less sad. With both mcs I had days when I felt ok and days where I felt lousy. I think part of getting on with life is allowing yourself to be crap when you feel crap and making the most of the days when you feel ok. If you need to sit around and mope then do so.

I'm sure you're doing all the obvious things in terms of deciding whether you want investigations into why you've had repeated mcs. I hope that you get some answers. I hope too that you have good friends and family around you. Rather than feeling as though you should be used to this by now, I would be more inclined to be even kinder to yourself if you do miscarry this time as the cumulative effect of repeated mcs must take its toll. I hope that people have the sense to realise this and offer practical and emotional help accordingly.

Sorry if that all sounds really bossy and opinionated. I can't think of a better way of writing it. I hope this pregnancy continues. If it doesn't then I wish you all the luck in the world with a future successful pregnancy, if that's what you choose to do. Take very good care of yourself. Let us know how you get on. x

Thank you for all your messages, just wanted to update and say that I did indeed miscarry. Bleeding started within hours of typing here. I got the miscarriage in terms of blood test confirmed today.

I am feeling better at least knowing that it is over. It is harder being in the 'don't know' stage than it is dealing with the actual loss in many ways.

I am not sure if we will be trying again. Doc's just assume that I will and already planning on my next EPU visit!!!! But need some time to take a breath and be fully in the present rather than dreaming about the future (if that makes sence).

So thank you all for your messages.

hi there willit i will post properly tomorrow but just wanted to empathise. i've had four consecutive early miscarriages and it's been absolutely devastating. i know exactly what you mean when you say you hate the bit between the positive pregnancy test and knowing you've miscarried - it is almost worse than the miscarriage itself - though nothing is worse than the moment the sonographer tells you there's no heart beat etc (two of mine were MMCs....)
can i ask how old you are? i am just wondering if age is a factor in your case. (it probably isn't in mine and we are still searching for an explanation for my miscarriages.)
i'm so envious that you have three DCs already...I am also very lucky as i have one DC which is more than many people have. But still, it is all about what you hoped and expected to have, whether that is two children or five. the disappointment is huge. the one thing that really helped me this time round is constantly telling myself to take one day at a time, and really applying that rule. just get through tomorrow, and worry about Sunday when it comes.

kissmummy - it is hard, sorry to hear you are going through the same. I am 41, so yes age is a factor for me I am sure, but I wish it was not. I have had the tests for recurrent miscarriage and it all came back negative results. I had a near borderline test for one of the tests and so they recommended I took asprin this time. But it seems not to have been the magic key. I just keep telling myself that maybe it will be ok next time.

Oneday at a time is definitely the way to go.

yeah, i keep telling myself that too, but each time i go through it i also wonder how i can possibly surive it again. it is awful. take strength from your lovely DCs

I had seven of them and know how you feel. It is the pits.

Willitbe, I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. My thoughts are with you and your family.