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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss


11 replies

bb99 · 04/11/2009 00:56

Well, have just finished my list of narely questions to ask before I am induced and kiss my poor baby goodbye (LMC).

So what would YOU ask the consultant?

OP posts:
PandaEis · 04/11/2009 01:54

bb99 im so sorry for your loss
i have no ideas fo you i just didnt want you to go unanswered
xx ei xx

kissmummy · 04/11/2009 12:16

hi, when is your operation?
What sort of questions have you already listed?
i hope you have loads of support. i can't imagine what you are going through.

MiniMarmite · 04/11/2009 14:46

bb99 I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think I would just want to know beforehand what will happen when your DC is born, how long you will have have for cuddles and saying goodbye and what happens next.

I'm sure I'd have other medical type questions that would come later but that maybe I wouldn't want to deal with on the day so maybe I would ask if there's someone I can talk to later on to find out those things.

I'm not sure if that helps your list at all or not but will be thinking of you tomorrow x

Owlingate · 04/11/2009 17:25

Hi I had a late MC at the end of Jan and was induced (well augmented actually as waters had broken and was already 3cm dilated). Are you looking to ask questions about the labour / baby or about why this happened? I wanted to know what the baby's sex was, weight, length etc. and whether the placenta looked healthy. This is the sort of thing they may be able to tell you straight away.

Are you going to have a PM on the baby? We had to wait a couple of months for the results but then we had an appointment with the consultant to discuss all the issues when the results came back.

Oh yes and there's all the other stuff about what you want to do with the baby's body, whether you can have photos / handprints etc. whether you can hold him/her if you want to.

You may want to ask for blood tests (TORCH screen for infections etc) and clotting tests now - some women (including me!) come up borderline for APLS when not pg but levels go crazy when pg.

Sorry this has turned into an essay. I hope tomorrow is gentle on you.

kissmummy · 04/11/2009 21:32

bb99 thinking of you for tomorrow...if you feel able in the next few days, let us know how it went and if you are as okay as you can be....

MiniMarmite · 05/11/2009 12:45

Thinking of you today bb99 x

bb99 · 08/11/2009 09:32

Hi all

thanks for replies, haven't felt much like posting for a bit (boo hoo)...

Had Miosi-something on weds am and then went home for 48 hours - terrified as last time this happened wound up back at hosp within 12 hours (of course in middle of night!!!) and wound up squatted on floor in corridor having the admittedly v.small baby, in my pants while DH hammered on the door of the ward where they were "expecting" us and had to insist we were let in, oh and poor DD (10 yo) had to be there of course - don't think I'll be getting any grandchildren from her

So, was v.suprised as the hospital were lovely this time around. First dose did nothing in 48 hours, so was admitted on Friday am to get the rest of the drugs - you know the drill, !st lot internally (nothing...), 2nd AND 3rd lot orally at 3 hour intervals, and eventually after lots and lots of contractions and some lovely morphine to take the edge off, my poor baby boy was born at about 3.30pm on Friday.

They were fantastic. No one 'yucked' my babay like they did last time, despite the fact the prro soul was one big, but in my eyes beautiful, bruise (DS was in MUCH better condition last time), or complain he was 'too small' (as he WAS for the dates 1st time as he had DIED FFS because the placenta stopped working the 1st time - you try growing when you're not getting any food) or moan that we 'should' have been at EPU, or left us alone for HOURS, or told us there was 'no point' in having a PM, or took the baby out in a hazardous waste sack, or wouldn't take any photos, or stopped us from spending time with the baby as he got whipped out of the room, in the hazard sack, so quickly, or shouted at my daughter for trying to use the toilets on the ward and sent her and DH MILES away to use the public toilets or didn't get the chaplain.

Gosh, that was cathartic, considering THAT birth was 3 years ago...

Anyway, this time all mws were fantastice, only moan was the fact that the drug protocol for inducing labour/birth for IUD is same as for termination at this stage, so all the drug protocol tick sheets have 'termination of second trimester pregnancy' written all over them...but can't really grumble.

Had all my narley questions answered on Weds, got the PM forms and blood tests sorted out then, had a lovely mw who even STOPPED doing blood pressure on another patient to make sure I got the next dose of uterus busting drugs at the right time. They even put my little boy in a teeny moses basket and we got to spend some time with him and say goodbye this time, and they brought him back so I could say goodbye before we went home. Even got photos . OK he looks a mess, but he's MY messy baby, and he's beautiful.Wish I'd got some more morphene that certainly took the edge off, because am feeling a bit in bits now and REALLY don't want to get depressed AGAIN.

I know it's not too bad - I do have other kids, but even if everything goes OK, we manage to get pg again and it's a textbook pg and delivery, the baby won't be here for atleast another year, if not longer and I had rather left a gap between the last one and this one already...

It jusst all feels so bloody unfair - thought we'd done enough misery last time, with all things considered. Worst thing is I know this time, that nothing makes this better EVER, that time just lets you put these feelings into the back of your mind eventually, so they don't keep leaping out and making you feel awful. Know I'll feel better one day, it just seems a long way away. At the moment I could happily just spend the next month in bed, and feel stupid thinking like this as I have so much loveliness in my life, I don't want to waste the time.

Sorry for long rambling post. Just needed to down load...

Hope all the rest of you lovely people are OK.

OP posts:
annie51 · 08/11/2009 18:04



I cannot imagine what you must be feeling, get everything off your chest so to speak, rant and rave, cry whatever it tskes.
Don't know what to say as sometimes words are not enough lots of hugs being sent ur way.

bb99 · 09/11/2009 11:17

Fa daar

I am not ded yet...

The latest update

Well managed yesterday OK and am now soul in charge of my lovely youngest dc - other is safely at school, lunch and all homework intact. DH sent to work (lucky thing ) with clean underwear and socs...

Have even managed to arrange follow up appt with the community mw without killing any of them (moan moan - last time they were UTTERLY CRAP as they kept coming to see me, but somehow managed to send out a different one each time - kept asking why they kept coming, there wasn't a baby for them to weigh then either (oohhh, feel the bitterness... ))

Also managed to contact my vicar and she's being fab. Think I need a lot of praying over at the mo - not for everyone I know, but it seems to do the trick for me! She said greiving isn't a waste of time, but is time well spent, I am just so scared I will get depression again, I really don't want to waste time doing THAT again - bit like having continuose flu...not your fault, but so bloomin time consuming. HAve too much loveliness in RL to do too much of that...

Might try and get some sage tablets today, but not sure I want to leave the house yet (oh oh, not a great sign I know, but have made plans with one of my friends to go to a m and b group we usually do on Thurs)

Have scrubbed the kitchen, remembered to feed b fast to all the dcs and even managed some myself, think I may go get the cherry trees if I can find my vouchers - there is a boots near the garden centre...perfect!

Stil wibbly wobbly, so any pats on head welcome, or whatever. Sorry to be so self indulgent, kind thoughts and good wishes to everyone.


OP posts:
hoops997 · 09/11/2009 11:28

bb99 I have been following your thread and am awfully sorry for what has happened, but can I say you seem to be coping FANTASTICALLY, grieving is defo not a waste of time, you need this time to get your head around things.......are you going to have a service for your lost baby? I'm also glad you got treated a lot better this time, the hospital last time sounded like a horrible nightmare.

Anyway sending best wishes and thoughts to you, you are being so strong, you are an inspiration xx

bb99 · 10/11/2009 13:07

Still not ded yet.

Could have happily murdered Homebase this am. Went in to buy some fruit trees as a momento thingy and tried to use vouchers. FFS, I think Friday and delivering the poor bean was easier. Needless to say wound up, in frustration having been told by 3 members of staff that they couldn't give me any change (it was a 20 voucher and only spent 17 of it) other than £1, fleeing the shop with DS in floods of tears and a huge wobbly moment.

Oh well, have started blogging about this all, to indulge my mahoosive ego and try to exorcise some of the demons floating around in my head at the moment, and to help mumsnet not to get filled up with my impotent self pity!!

Friends are being good, as are most family, except my FIL (who I find quite hard work on a good day)

Sent him the mc assoc leaflet on what to do for people who have mc (email - tee hee ) as he hadn't even phoned for over a week, not even to see if his son needed some help with th other dcs, and got a very snotty reply back about how we were being given 'space' to help us as a family, but clearly it wasn't the right thing to do and about how upset HE and MIL were about all this (could have fooled me, I thought they were just busy looking after new grandbaby on other side of the country to give a ... and couldn't be arsed bothered to get in touch and see how the unfavourite GCs were getting on. Good fecking job I have family who could look after the other dcs while I hospital hopped last week).

As you can probably tell the cracks are starting to show. Had an excellent day yesterday, but am soooo peed off with FIL. He sent a 5 word txt mssg to DH (which he copied into the email to prove he wasn't being an arse) and then went on about how we only have to ask for help...thought that was why I sent the leaflet. Can barely restrain myself from telling him just where to go shove it (would upset DH) and really want to write a bitchy unconstructive email about how it's nice he takes an interest in ONE of his children's lives (also got a follow on email all about SIL and BIL latest woes etc - ooohhh their life is just sooo hard, imagine having 2 children you want and no problems, except a bit of a tough delivery)

Anyone got a sharp pointy stick I could use to POKE OUT HIS EYE. Didn't hear ANYTHING from FIL for over a week - he didn't even try to find out if we'd needed to go into hospital, or if his SON was OK, or what had happened. I am just so bored with his favouritism it make me want to puke on him.

Clearly the greiving is progressing into the angry phase

Hope you all fine and having sunny days. Mine has atleast progressed from abject misery to righteous indignation. Tell me not to email FIL!!!!

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