Hi all
thanks for replies, haven't felt much like posting for a bit (boo hoo)...
Had Miosi-something on weds am and then went home for 48 hours - terrified as last time this happened wound up back at hosp within 12 hours (of course in middle of night!!!) and wound up squatted on floor in corridor having the admittedly v.small baby, in my pants while DH hammered on the door of the ward where they were "expecting" us and had to insist we were let in, oh and poor DD (10 yo) had to be there of course - don't think I'll be getting any grandchildren from her
So, was v.suprised as the hospital were lovely this time around. First dose did nothing in 48 hours, so was admitted on Friday am to get the rest of the drugs - you know the drill, !st lot internally (nothing...), 2nd AND 3rd lot orally at 3 hour intervals, and eventually after lots and lots of contractions and some lovely morphine to take the edge off, my poor baby boy was born at about 3.30pm on Friday.
They were fantastic. No one 'yucked' my babay like they did last time, despite the fact the prro soul was one big, but in my eyes beautiful, bruise (DS was in MUCH better condition last time), or complain he was 'too small' (as he WAS for the dates 1st time as he had DIED FFS because the placenta stopped working the 1st time - you try growing when you're not getting any food) or moan that we 'should' have been at EPU, or left us alone for HOURS, or told us there was 'no point' in having a PM, or took the baby out in a hazardous waste sack, or wouldn't take any photos, or stopped us from spending time with the baby as he got whipped out of the room, in the hazard sack, so quickly, or shouted at my daughter for trying to use the toilets on the ward and sent her and DH MILES away to use the public toilets or didn't get the chaplain.
Gosh, that was cathartic, considering THAT birth was 3 years ago...
Anyway, this time all mws were fantastice, only moan was the fact that the drug protocol for inducing labour/birth for IUD is same as for termination at this stage, so all the drug protocol tick sheets have 'termination of second trimester pregnancy' written all over them...but can't really grumble.
Had all my narley questions answered on Weds, got the PM forms and blood tests sorted out then, had a lovely mw who even STOPPED doing blood pressure on another patient to make sure I got the next dose of uterus busting drugs at the right time. They even put my little boy in a teeny moses basket and we got to spend some time with him and say goodbye this time, and they brought him back so I could say goodbye before we went home. Even got photos . OK he looks a mess, but he's MY messy baby, and he's beautiful.Wish I'd got some more morphene that certainly took the edge off, because am feeling a bit in bits now and REALLY don't want to get depressed AGAIN.
I know it's not too bad - I do have other kids, but even if everything goes OK, we manage to get pg again and it's a textbook pg and delivery, the baby won't be here for atleast another year, if not longer and I had rather left a gap between the last one and this one already...
It jusst all feels so bloody unfair - thought we'd done enough misery last time, with all things considered. Worst thing is I know this time, that nothing makes this better EVER, that time just lets you put these feelings into the back of your mind eventually, so they don't keep leaping out and making you feel awful. Know I'll feel better one day, it just seems a long way away. At the moment I could happily just spend the next month in bed, and feel stupid thinking like this as I have so much loveliness in my life, I don't want to waste the time.
Sorry for long rambling post. Just needed to down load...
Hope all the rest of you lovely people are OK.