Harsh lesson or poor NHS care?

[AnnieDelores]

Dear all

I was just under 6 weeks pregnant until yesterday when I started bleeding. I called my GP (whom I've never met as I'm newly registered) and asked what I should do. He referred me to the EPU this morning. When I got there, I waited for an hour and a half and when I was eventually seen by the nurse, she said I shouldn't have been referred because they only see patients OVER 6 weeks. She asked if she could do another pregnancy test - which turned out negative despite the clearblue test I did yesterday saying positive. I can only assume this is because my hormone levels have dropped right down and I have miscarried.

She sent me home and told me and my partner to keep on trying. I know they couldn't do anything more, but I do wonder what the point of all that was. She was quite cold, to the point of being irriated. Has anyone else experienced this? She made it out to be the fault of today's home pregnancy tests being so sensitive and therefore giving us girls a false sense of security.

I'm not sure what to think and feel. I'm angry and upset and wish I'd not known I was pregnant in the first place. Does anyone else feel like that?

Annie, I am very sorry for your loss. An early miscarriage is very sad and you will be needing to grieve for what could have been and now won't be.
It sounds like you were not particularly sensitively dealt with . That is a great shame because the bare facts of what you are going through are bad enough without being made to feel in some way guilty of what happened.
The nurse is not entirely wrong in that today's very sensitive pregnancy tests allow us to know of a pregnancy as soon as we have missed a period, or sometimes even earlier than that. It also means we know we are miscarrying when previously when you had to have missed 2 periods before youre doctor could do a test for you, would might have just assumed you had a late, heavy period.
As you say, at this early stage there is nothing anybody could have done to save this pregnancy, but that does not make the loss any less hard to take.

Rest up, be kind to yourself, and take as much time as you need to recover - physically and emotionally. If your bleeding continues beyond a couple of weeks see your GP; you may need to be scanned.

I had 3 MCs, all before 9 weeks, then 2 DSs, then further MC, then DS3, I am currently expecting. I suppose what I am trying to say, don't give up and try again when you feel ready for it. Our hospital here has a miscarriage clinic where they offer "reassureance scans" after 6 weeks; it might be worthwhile inquiring what it available where you are.
Statistically, after 1 early miscarriage your chances of a successful subsequent pregnancy are no lower than if you had never miscarried. Some specialists reckon that about one third of very early pregnancies do not continue.

Good luck to you. Sorry about the rambling post.

You must be so upset. First having a positive test, being excited about being pregnant, but it sounds as if your GP did the right thing in referring you to the EPU where you were seen quite quickly.

I can see your point about the nurse essentially blaming pregnancy tests for being able to detect early pregnancies, and this was being insensitive.

But if it's any help, but my midwife doesn't see moms to be until they are at least 10 weeks.

So sorry for you.

Thanks for your comments. I think all I needed was a little bit of understanding. I'm cross with my mum for putting pressure on me to tell my family who I'm now having to "untell". Well, I'm making her untell them. She got a bit overexcited....that's another lesson learnt!

I told my mother as soon as I had found out I was pregnant the first time, I must have been barely 5 weeks, simply because my parents were visiting (they live abroad) and I wanted to tell them face to face. She then told everybody and like you, I had to inform her of bad news a few weeks later and she had to un-tell everybody. As you say, it was a painful lesson!
Now my mum gets quietly miffed when we do not tell a soul (and yes, that does include her) until at least 12 weeks and after we have had normal amnio/CVS result (long stoy, I'll not bore you with my medical details).
Personally, I have found it helpful to talk about having had MCs when the subject comes up, because it is very common, peolpe still keep a taboo about it, and I have had brilliant support from people who shared their experiences.
You are likely to be angry with all sorts of people just now, that's quite a normal reaction and gives your emotions time to catch up with what just happened.
Hope your partner is ok too, and is able to be a support to you.

Yes he's been great. He even trudged down to Tesco to get me sanitary pads and hot chocolate! He is sad too though...even though he's a big roughty toughty Alpha male on the outside. I'm curious, what is a normal amnio / CVS result? I'm new to all this and it's not boring at all. Mum is now feeling very guilty and has offered to pay for us to go away for a weekend. I know she has been crying too...I'm sure she feels rotten with the rest of us. She meant well and I've politely declined her offer saying not to be silly and that I'm ok.

Chances are, you will be ok , might just take time to get over the disappointed expectations. I still now most of the EDDs of my lost pregnancies...

After my 3rd consequitive (sp?) MC both my DH and I had genetic tests done and it turns out that I carry a genetic problem that vastly increases my chances of conceiving a pregnancy with Trisomie 13 or 14. I was also over 35 so time was marching on and things like Down's Syndrome were on our minds too. So, we decided to have diagnostic tests done for the next pregnancy. Amniocentesis involves having some liquor/water removed from the uterus; CVS is basically a biopsy of placenta cells. CVS can be done earlier, hurts more. Both carry an increased risk of MC, but strangely, I have now had 4 and have never miscarried because of one of the tests. Also strangely, none of the lost pregnancies had any genetic problems to do with my issue, although they all had something wrong with them. That actually made me feel better...
Aww, your poor mum, too! You just don't expect anything to go wrong, do you? I remember feeling "Why me?" until I reminded myself "well, why not med?".
By all means accept offer to go away for the weekend, though !

You have been through the mill haven't you! What are your children called and when is your next baby due?

I'm 37 so I'm with you on the whole body clock thing. I'd be grateful to have one child!

Had terrible nightmares last night. I had a termination in 2004 when I was travelling over in Australia and had a drunken encounter.....a typical holiday ne night stand with a guy who was a good friend of mine funnily enough. We just got a bit cosy and well....you know the story. Such a disaster at the time, but I had the termination as early as possible and didn't think it would come back to haunt me. Now I'm dreaming that the two are related even though there's no real evidence to prove this! Hopefully my emotions will settle down soon.

I'm now wondering how soon to start tryng again. I don't think we will bother with contraception and just let nature take its course....apparently there's no clinical reason why we should wait after such an early miscarriage.

Annie x

Aww, you know really that your termintation had nothing to do with your problems now, don't you? That's not how it works, thank goodness. Obviously you cannot help your dreams, but do not beat yourself up too much.
After DS1 with "let nature take it's course" and I conceived 5 months postnatally, the week after I had stopped BFing...

Good luck!