My due date would have been 14th Nov- what shall I do to mark the loss?

[Thandeka]

Had an MMC at 10 weeks in April (first pregnancy) and my due date is coming up on 14th Nov. I got pregnant straight after (no period or anything) and by the 14th Nov I will be 28weeks (meaning this baby could be born and survive) which I suppose puts me in a much happier place than if due date had come round and I hadn't got pregnant again.

But I think I want to do something to mark the loss of my first especially as so many people are asking "is this your first" and I am having to say yes (as obviously it will be but it isnt- my first didn't work out but I don't tell people that but it makes me feel sad like am wiping out the first ones existence).

We don't have a garden so can't plant anything, and am not sure my husband is very keen on this idea. I was thinking about maybe lighting a candle and just having some quiet thinking time about it all, but would love some better ideas as that seems a bit gloomy. Oooh I know this may sound weird but maybe I will go shopping and buy a secret something from the first baby for this baby. I don't know if I will ever explain to this baby what happened but maybe thats a nice thing to do. or maybe its really weird.

I think your candle idea is lovely, as is your present for the new baby. Definitely not weird at all.

Men are less likely to understand, as they don't/can't feel the way we, who carry our babies, feel; it doesn't make them bad, though.

Best wishes for this one.

hi Thandeka,

I too had a mmc last year and now currently 23 week pregnant
I had a star tattoo on my wrist so i could always remember the lost little one and like you am planning to buy a gift for the new baby from the other one

On my edd i went for a long walk and released a balloon with a little note attached...you can buy them from clinton cards. I sat for ages watching the it float away, it was so much more emotional than i thought it would be. Be kind to yourself and do whatever you feel fit.

Some other girls on a thread i post on regularly found some lanterns that float away when lit...i have no idea where you can find this item but im sure if you google you might find something. This could be done in your garden, if its too cold to get out in nov.

Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy x

I have just bought a sunflower charm for my bracelet.
After my mc I got lots of bouquets with sunflowers, and someone gave me a sunflower plant, so it is something that will always remind me of my baby.
I have been looking for a charm for a while, and just found one today. I am suprised how happy it's made me feel.
I hope your due date isn't too painfull for you. Make sure you take time out to do whatever feels right. xx

I had the Woodland Trust plant a tree for each of mine. It's quite close and I visit it now and then and it's really peaceful. It's nice to think that a new life came out of the loss of one.