just had a fourth miscarriage - shocked and devastated

[kissmummy]

we saw the heartbeat two weeks ago and i thought this time it was going to be different. but when i went for a scan this morning the baby had died, apparently about a week ago.
This is my fourth miscarriage in 18 months - after having a healthy little boy two years ago. the drs are baffled. i feel sooo lucky to have a child already - each time this happens he feels more of a miracle. but i always hoped for three children or two at the least i feel i've done everything i can. i'm 35 and want to keep trying but it's harder to bear every time and in a way there seems no point in getting pregnant again if nobody can identify the problem. the clinic this morning suggested I try and see Lesley Regan so that is the next step but i feel so totally drained by everything and so bleak about it all.from experience i know the weeks ahead are the worst as the reality of it sinks in - again. just needed to get that off my chest, sorry to go on and on about it. i have about 1000 different thoughts in my head and could talk for days. i just never ever thought this would happen to me.

kissmummy - really sorry to hear your news, you must be gutted. I can understand to a degree how u must be feeling as i also have a 2 year old ds and had a mmc at 8 wks in feb and a chemical preg last month. it is hideous.

take care xxx i hope the clinic can get to the bottom of why this is happening to you

I am so very sorry, no useful words of advice but take care, look after yourself and I hope that you are able to get some answers xxx

Kissmummy im so so sorry to see your message. I have nt been on mumsnet for a few weeks but just clicked on and read your post. I know there is nothing anyone can say but i understand your pain and anxiety. Now isn t the time to be thinking about trying again, i felt desperate after losing my 4th, just 5 weeks ago. Right now im waiting to see lesley regan and then ill make my decision depending on what is found.
What i do know is life can be cruel and very unfair and i no longer beat myself up about what has happenend to me- its completely out of my hands. Be very kind to yourself now and draw your strength from your son, thinking of you xx

hi samoy
i remember you! i'm so sorry to hear you've had another miscarriage. i do think only people who have gone through it themselves can really understand the pain. i can't remember if you have any children yet? i'm really interested to hear that you're seeing Lesley Regan. The clinic i had my scan at this morning tried to ring her private clinic this morning and refer me for an appointment but they couldn't get through. i tried a couple of times myself today and the number just rang out...how did you get your appointment and how long do you have to wait to see her?
if you felt able to email me privately and we could keep in touch about how it goes for you with Dr Regan i'd be really interested to hear. i've had various tests already and they showed nothing but the clinic this morning thought there were other things i could be tested for.
I'm not sure if i'm allowed to give out my private email here, am i?

Kissmummy. So sorry you are going through this. I have lost 6 pregnancies 7 babies in around 3 years. It was very hard on my body.

Can your local hospital do your testing? Mine did. I was found to have a clotting disorder (which was the reason my first DS was born early and I suffered a stroke at age 20) Why no one picked up on it then i don't know.

But there is hope. I surprisingly found myself pg with DS2, bled alot, injections daily and he's 2 now.

Have lost twins since though

I am thinking of trying again soon but I am petrified so can imagine how worried, nervous, scared and confused you are feeling at the moment.

Please email me if you want to ask more...

[email protected]

Hi kissmummy, yes i do have a 1 ds who is 4 now. My pregnancy with him was straightforward so i naively thought baby number 2 would be the same! I am still waiting to hear about appointment to lesley regan- my nhs consultant has refered me. I am waiting for the results of tests on the placenta of the last miscarriage to see if that shows anything but im doubtful.I have also had a lot of tests done at hospital, standard nhs ones which were all normal. These were after my 2nd miscarriage last year. I really pray that lesley regan has the answers for us because now it is all about getting answers- that is the only way forward for me. I would like to keep in touch by e mail, im sure it is fine to exchange addresses. Sorry to read you have to wait til monday- its so bloody awful, such a lot to deal with physically and emotionally xx

Hi kissmummy - I just sent you a message on another post but couldn't help but write you again because what you said really hit home with me. I never ever thought this would happen to me either. I'm 32 and I just don't get it. Like I said before, I've had every test under the sun but nothing is wrong except for some genetic stuff going on in the sperm or egg. Do they do PGD IVF there in the UK? Perhaps it is something you can look into if you can come up with the money, that is.
It's taking a bit of a toll on my well-being and relationship. My dh tends to ignore it and I'm just struggling with work and everyday chores. I wish I could just feel like me again.

So sorry to hear this.

daynee, going forward i'm really worried about how it affects my relationship with DH. so far he has been brilliant and it is bringing us closer but i'm really aware there may be difficult times ahead. he already has a gorgeous DS, now 18, from his first marriage, and he is quite a bit older than me, so i totally understand if having more children is not as important to him as it is to me. (though he says he desperately wants more)
it's answers we're all desperate for, isn't it? if only they could find out why this was happening to us.
re. PGD, yes, there are private clinics in London that do it, and a friend of mine who finally got pregnant after four years of IVF, recommends a clinic in Spain, called the Institut Marques, in Barcelona, which she thinks does PGD. She says this clinic is amazing. I haven't looked it up myself yet and I'm not sure PGD would help us, but it might be worth you looking up their website to get an idea of what treatment is available and seeing if you can find something similar where you are? (the States?)
samoy and julez, my email is [email protected]

If only they knew why...Yes I'm in the states and many practices do this PGD. Unfortunately, my insurance only covers the ultrasounds and lab work and such. It will cost us 15,000 and we certainly don't have that money. We are asking our family for help but I just don't know if I want to do it. It's like I really really want to but then I really really don't want to, and not just because of the money but more because I just don't want to have to go through all this and what if it doesn't work out? And what if I keep "rolling the dice"? Will the next pregnancy work out just fine or will I have to have 5 more mc's? I wish I knew the answers...Please keep me posted on your progress.

I'm so sorry, I hope you get a lot of support from those around you.

daynee i was kind of in favour of "keeping rolling the dice* but not any more. yesterday was pure hell and there will be lots of hellish days to come. i just don't want to put myself through it again unless someone finds out what's wrong. i totally know how you feel.