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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Finding it hard at mo...

12 replies

BionicEar · 27/09/2009 22:04

Hiya ladies,

Been a long time since I posted here, as was kinda in an ok place, but now feel myself sinking again. [sad}

I lost my baby in March at 6 and half weeks, and it's coming up to the month my baby should have been born.

Have had a few days where have felt low, and today was on verge of tears as whilst holding a friend's baby, my LO aged 4yrs asked me sadly, "Mummy why did our baby have to die?"

Am really struggling to deal with my emotions at the moment, and don't feel like there's anyone I can really talk to, as feel that people kinda expect me to have got over it by now. Did try to talk a friend this arrvo, but she clearly wasn't comfortable, so had to change the topic, and that made me sad, because if you can't talk to your friends, who can you talk to?

My DH although he's lovely, finds it hard to understand where I am coming from, and I guess it's because he wasn't the one to carry the baby or to have gone through a m/c.

Just needed to vent really, and here I kinda feel is a good place to do that, as here I know there are people who understnad what I am going through. Thanks for listening, and perhaps offering me a virtual hug as you read this.

OP posts:

moodlumthehoodlum · 27/09/2009 22:12

Bionic - I'm sorry that you're having a tough time at the moment. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I didn't want your post to go unnoticed. I know that unfortunately there are a lot of ladies on here who will know how you feel and be able to offer some comfort, so you've come to the right place.

memorylapse · 27/09/2009 22:13

when the time draws near that your baby would have been due its always a sad and poignant time..what you are feeling is normal..Im sorry that you have no one you feel you can talk to.your friend may have thought she was being helpful by changing the subject...have you contacted the miscarriage assc?
when I lost my babies..I planted shrubs in the garden,despite moving twice, Ive brought them with me wherever Ive moved to.

catinthehat2 · 27/09/2009 22:14

Sorry to hear this BE. Just over 6 months is very early days, you are allowed a wobbly moment you know.

Original poster

BionicEar · 27/09/2009 22:21

Thanks ladies - you are very kind.

I haven't contacted the MC association - maybe now would be a good time? Not quite sure what I would say to them though - sound stupid huh?!

We planted an apple tree in the summer for the baby and that did help. I sometimes go out and just sit by it - daft hey?! But it helps.

Thanks Catinthehat2 for reminding me it is still early days - have a habit of beating myself up - so made me smile when you said it's ok.

OP posts:

BlueMoon1981 · 27/09/2009 22:34

hey bionic were you part of one of the emmsys threads, i recognise your name? completely understand where you are coming from, i have had 2 m/cs this year, just gone past one edd and another in dec to come like you, my dp is lovely, but i feel he just doesnt understand what i am going through and is quite impatient with me now when i get upset. its still hurts so much.

on friday there was a leaving speech at work for a lady who is going on maternity leave, i had to leave the room and i sobbed in the toilets. i guess what im saying is, that you are very normal in what you are still experiencing, dont beat yourself up, and try to be patient with yourself (i am no good at listening to my own advice btw!) i can only hope that in time our hearts will heal enough so the pain isnt so unbearable. i am struggling to carry on as normal, but what else can we do? big hugs to you xx

Original poster

BionicEar · 27/09/2009 23:15

Hi BlueMoon,

Was indeed on an Emmy thread back in March/April - you have a good memory!

Thank you for your kind words - it's kinda reassuring to know that I am not being a total fruitloop and that there are others out there who understand, even though it a shared experience of one that none of us would wish to have. Hugs right back at ya.

OP posts:

Charliemouse500 · 04/10/2009 11:10

Bionic,

I'm a bit late on this thread as only just seen it in listing, but am having similar feelings at the moment. I had a MMC at 12 weeks in march, so am coming up to what would have been my due date.

I just wanted to say that it made me feel better to see that I wasn't being a fruitloop either - I though I was dealing with everything quite well and had 'come to terms' with the loss etc. The way I feel about nearing the due date has really taken me by surprise - almost as if I feel I should be 'over it' by now (whatever that means!). I feel angry that everyone seems to have forgotten what happened except me, even though I know it is natural for people to move on I feel a bit stuck if you see what I mean.

Anyway, I hope you are feeling ok, and thanks for posting as it really helped to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way.

Monroe · 04/10/2009 12:22

Just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss and to reassure you the way you are feeling is perfectly normal. I have had 2 mmc now and felt exactly the same way when my first due date came around in June this year. I did very little around that time and just tried to concentrate on taking things one day at a time. I too felt that I should possibly "be over it" already but decided not to fight the sadness - it is all a part of grieving and we all cope with it in our own way. My second due date will be coming up in November and I totally expect to feel the same way again. Sorry if not much help but sending big hugs your way x

iggypiggy · 05/10/2009 13:18

BionicEar just wanted to say that I can totally understand where you are coming from.

My MC was in April and my due date is coming up - and I'm still miserable now... I would have expected myself to be over it by now (or at least pregnant again) but I don't seem to be - although I am fine - I just have sad days.

I guess the thing is that there are no rules on how you supposed to be feeling - and you are allowed to still be sad. xx

Asklaw · 05/10/2009 16:12

Hi Bionic - just want to send you a hug and to say that you have every right to still feel sad and to still be grieving for your baby. I have been through it 5 times myself and so I can empathise with you. Take your time to remember your baby and don't beat yourself up. xxx

Original poster

BionicEar · 08/10/2009 01:02

Hiya ladies,

Firstly big hugs to you all for being so lovely, and also just because I know you are probably in need of hugs as much as I am.

Since I posted have felt much more reassured about my "fruit loop" moments, that it's ok to feel sad, and even angry about what has happened.

I am dreading the due date (22 Oct) as it's coming up, but have made a plan for the day. Luckily I am not at work that day, so if I am feeling particularly "loopy" on that day, I will hide away, or just go and blow the cobwebs away up in the Lakes. So if any of you see this mad woman having a fruit loop moment up in the Lakes - it'll probably be me!

Big hug. xxx

OP posts:

sakura28 · 08/10/2009 23:08

Hi Bionic Ear,

Just read this post a bit late but wanted to say - I contacted the MC association last month during my second MC this year.
Although I can't remember any specific words of wisdom (sorry!) speaking to a lovely lady called Helen really helped me when I was feeling low and generally a bit hopeless.
I think its worth bearing in mind in the future just in case you want to speak to someone who might be able to help.
I hope that your due date dosen't bring you too much stress/sadness, good plan going outdoors to blow away the cobwebs!

hugs xxx

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