Miscarried yesterday and need to debrief...kind words much appreciated!

[NinthWave]

I have just got back from hospital after one of the scariest experiences of my life, and am feeling the need to 'offload' somewhere other than my poor traumatised DH - so MN it is. This will be long but here goes.

I was supposed to be 11 weeks pg but started spotting about a week ago. Sort of presumed the worst as have had 2 previous MCs which both began with spotting. Bleeding got heavier yesterday at about 3pm, very quickly became comstant gush with clots as big as my fist.

We don't drive and have no family nearby, plus no money for a taxi, so was advised my NHS Direct to call ambulance. Am very glad I did as blood loss was so severe that I blacked out as they put me in ambulance - blood pressure dropped v quickly.

Taken straight to rescus in A&E, seen immediately as it was obvious how much blood I was losing - it was everywhere and I was still passing huge clots, even lying on my back. Two lovely nurses held my hand, gave me Entonox and then morphine as I was examined. OB-GYN doctor tried to remove clots but bleeding would not stop - was given suppository to try to close cervix and halt bleeding. This didn't work and I passed more clots - BP down from 125/85 to 70/38. Taken up to ward, seen again and taken for emergency ERPC after blood tests showed my haemoglobin levels had dropped from 11.5 to 6.4 over approx 3 hours.

Operation done within 4 hours of calling ambulance - was told by doctor that I was lucky I got in when I did! I had 2 bags of saline and 3 bags of blood transfused - was discharged at 4pm and now at home, crying and shaking and wanting to do nothing except hug my 2yo boy close to my chest and eat dark chocolate.

Sorry this is so long and rambly - I really just needed to get all this out as I think I am in shock. Does anyone know if I can get counselling for a MC? It was my third (though not consecutive - I have my little boy) and tissue was taken for histology though I do not know what this really means.

If anyone has been through similar and feels like talking, I would love an understanding shoulder to cry on IYSWIM.

I just keep having flashes back to lying on a trolley with clots pouring out of me and two panicked nurses shouting for assistance

What a terrible experience for you. I have had 3 m/c though none of them so traumatic as yours.

I echo what Maureen has said, don't go back to work until you feel really ready for it.

YOu've got a lot going on there really haven't you:

shock at losing your baby

shock at the physical horror and fear involved

physical weakness from blood loss

pain - of the miscarriage and then the headache

separation from your loved ones - you in hospital, them at home.

That is a MASSIVE amount of stuff to process. You definately need to take as long as it takes to start on that and not rush back to work or anything. Nobody will think you are skiving or harping on the issue, what you've endured would have any of us running for a darkened room. Just take things steady and assert your right to be sad about this.

Northernlurker I think you are right. If it had been a straightforward ERPC, or just a heavy bleed for a few hours like my previous 2 miscarriages, then I would be grieving for the lost baby right now - but I am still reeling from the sheer horror of the ambulance/A&E/morphine/theatre/transfusion sequence.

It all happened so very quickly (4 hours from ambulance being called to me being in theatre) that I have not really had time to think about the lost baby.

Added complication is that my DH doesn't want to try again as this PG was unplanned - he had accepted it but does not want to actively TTC.

I am not sure I do either TBH - I can't stomach the thought of going through 11 weeks of pregnancy just for this to happen again. I think I would rather be thankful for the child I do have than put myself through this again.

But that's another discussion for another time I think.

Hiya Ninth - As I mentioned in a previous post, my 2nd m/c was traumatic. Massive blood loss, ambulance, A&E etc... I found I was not grieving the loss of the baby at all in the first 2 weeks - I was more in shock that my own life could have been lost and panicked about my DC's being motherless but I never shed a tear. I was emotionally numb.

It all hit me after around 2 weeks and I had an uncontrollable breakdown where I just could not stop crying and the week following I was pretty much in tears constantly over the smallest things.

Once I was able to lose control of my emotions like that and the shock of everything had lessened I started to pick up and was able to think about things more rationally. It really helped.

Everything is still very raw for me 2 months later, but I am managing to come to terms with it all, and you will too.

Being unsure about TTC again is natural also - you both need time to take the loss of a baby in so no big decisions about whether you should or should not TTC again should really be made until both of you accept what has happened and can talk openly without that really raw emotion being present.

It really does get better. Take care.

Thankyou prune X