MMC at 13 weeks and not coping well.

[CakeandFineWine]

Hi all
I know I've already posted elsewhere but need to vent even more. sorry

I begun to bleed last sun and was scanned on Tues and mmc was confirmed ERPC booked for Thurs as sac was v.large and told I wouldn't M/C naturally, then naturally M/C on Wednesday and it hurt and was so scary and quite shocking.

I just can't quite believe it, I thought I was in the safe zone now and had had a scan and saw heartbeat etc at 8 weeks.

DH has gone back to work today and although I feel somewhat better physically the def nt 100% yet I feel like shit I'm fine one min then not the next and its made worse by having DD (age 3) asking questions and I don't know what to say. I've got my head round that it wasn't meant 2b so why am I such a wreck?

We are also off on Hol with in-law and family in 2 weeks and my SIL is pregnant (shes 10 weeks further than me) nt sure how I feel about being away with them, I know its silly but I can't help how I feel.

Sorry for your loss

It's going to be hard for a while and your emotions will be all over the place.

Be very kind to yourself. What has happened is a real loss. No-one would bat an eyelid if you said you didn't feel like going away if a family member had died.

Do what is right for you.

I mcd in March. Cancelled holdiay planned for June as I just knew I wouldnt be able to face it.

Talk to your DH as much as you can. And MN was a lifeline to me too

(Sorry for all the cliches too! I'm typing this as fast as I canb beofre I need to get off pc.)

thanks BBMF,
Don't think I can not go on Hol, on one hand need the break, just think it will feel quite awkward!!

Hi Cakes, really sorry for your loss. I am normally very a level-headed sort of a person, but I was a complete fruit loop extremely upset after my MMC at 10 weeks in February this year. It's completely normal to feel upset/angry/like you're not coping especially at this very early stage when it's still so raw. Thankfully there are loads of lovely people on here for when you can't talk to anyone in real life (I know I couldn't, I couldn't even get the words out)

It did take me a while, but after a few weeks turning into a few months, I can now say that things are much better. I miss my little bean a lot and could still cry if I thought about it, but I am getting there and so will you.

You have your lovely DD and so you can do it, and I'm sure you will get there again when you're ready. All the best in the meantime.

hope you are doin okay cake
thinking of you.

xx

I can sympathise with you about the SIL.

I had a MC, scan at 9 weeks with heartbeat then scan at 13 weeks - no heartbeat. I felt I was safer too, scan lady said all should be ok now she had seen the heartbeat, hmm shan't believe that one again.

Anyway I discovered that my SIL is pregnant too, her due date being 1 week before my supposed due date so I know how you feel. Its shit. I didn't want to see her or meet up with her at first. I have done since and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. So I hope that is the case for you.

Just try and take it easy and you focus on your DD, mine helps me get through this all the time. She asks awkward questions sometimes too but thats the beauty of a 3 year old.

Sorry for waffling. Hope you are ok and thinking of you

thanks all xx

Dear Cake
So sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my first baby at 17 weeks last year, like you I really thought I was in the safe zone - it just goes to show there isn't really a safe zone, it's just that the risk decreases as time goes on. I was lost - angry, in despair, etc. We had been trying for 18 months and I had had fertility treatment, so I was a double blow. Also my SIL gave birth two weeks after my baby died, and that was very hard.
I had counselling which really helped, and the church and then a few close friends and of course DH were very supportive. So things slowly got better. I'm afraid you are going to feel very sad for quite some time - it is a bereavement, no different from losing a member of one's family. Some people find it helps them to commemorate the baby's life in some way - I created a "memory box" with scans, dried flowers, etc. You do have a DC, which will be some comfort - eventually. Do give yourself time to grieve, and take care of yourself. All the best x

Hi Cake, I recently had a MMC too and my DP had booked a golf holiday away with friends and I was supposed to stay home because I didn't want to fly. Instead I bought a ticket & it was the best thing I could have done. Doctor said it would be good to get away from it all and I couldn't face work. I made new friends on holiday and my DP friends who we stayed with had 2 kids who were lovely. It's hard to think positively but I made myself because I didn't tell any of my close friends I was PG as it happened in the 13th week (I was waiting for the 12th week scan before I told anyone). This way things just carry on as normal. Only told close family who were my rock. Although, thinking back, seeing that empty sac on the screen during the ultrasound was devastating. Why me & how cruel is all that went through my head for days.

Now I?m just looking forwards to the next time. I?m going to wait until my next real period as at the moment I haven?t had a dry panty liner since it happened on the 9th Sept. I?m told the next real period after a natural MC can happen anywhere from 4-8 weeks! So long to wait but I?ve just got to be patient. I realise next time might not be plain sailing again but I?ll carrying on smiling until then.

I?m 32 & this was my 1st PG. The PG I?m told failed early at 5 weeks but I never MC until 13 weeks after the 12 week scan. There was never any spotting and I had some pregnancy systems. My mum felt fantastic when she was PG both times so I assumed I would have few symptoms as well.

Good luck to you and HTH