Just had MC number 5 and i feel like somebody is punnishing me for being a shit person. Have i done something seriously bad to deserve this? Now i need to decide how to "clear out the product" how the fuck am i ment to do that. My baby is still there. I saw it. Even though i know it will never be a baby now and i need to get it out. Its the baby that was there with a heart beating not that long ago and now its nothing. Nobody knows what to say to me and i dont know how im ment to act (you would think after 5 i would have it down to a fine art) Im scared i will never get another chance and im scared that i will fall pregnant again and have to go through all this again. I couldnt cope with this again. Id rather just get sterilised and never have to think about it again but i dont think i could cope with never having another baby again. Its all just fucked up. I feel so empty but im scared how im gonna feel when the baby is totally gone. is it possible to feel more empty.
I want to get really drunk and just forget but i cant forget i know i will never forget how this feels. it hurts the same every time it happens.