Advice please

[allothernamesused]

I have just found out that an ex work colleague went for her 20 week scan and the baby did not have a heartbeat. I have moved from the area and am pregnant myself. We had only found out about each others pregnancies last week. I want to be there for her but am not sure she will want to hear from me as I am pregnant. I thought of sending her a card to say that I am here and thinking of her and then following the card up in a few weeks time with an orchid and a card, then maybe a phone call. I don't want to ignore that this has happened as I feel that is worse but I don't want to be insensitive. Can anyone give me any advice please?

Hi allothernamesused, I think that would be a lovely thing to do.

I had a miscarriage nearly 4 weeks ago and my best friend sent me a bunch of flowers and it was a really lovely gesture. One thing that Ive found is that people dont really know what to say when you lose a baby so generally opt for avoiding me which I think is worse. A another friend of mine is pregnant and since my MC she hasnt made much effort which hurts a little as I dont resent her being pregnant just because I am not and Im still very happy for her.

Your idea of sending a card could really help as you are letting her know you are thinking of her without being "in her face" so-to-speak and that way you are leaving it up to her if she wants to get in touch.

Im sure your friend will need all the support she can get right now and sometimes even the littlest thing can make all the difference.

Congrats and good luck with you baby also

RL Xx

Thank you so much RubyLove. Your reply has really helped. I am sorry to hear that you miscarried and hope that you are getting the support you need. Thank you for the congratulations and take care of yourself.

Thanks again

xxx

Hi allothernamesused,

I definitely agree with Rubylove, I also miscarried about 4 weeks ago for the second time at 12 weeks which was traumatising enough so can't begin to imagine how your friend is feeling. Whatever you do don't ingnore her, I've had that from my friends! I understand that people don't know what to say to your face but just a text or a card or some flowers or something would have been nice I'm just so lucky that I have a brill husband and we got through it together. Although I'm over the worst now it still hurts when I think of the lack of support.

The best thing is to just show you care!!

Good luck with your baby, I'm sure the last thing your freind would want is for you to worry and stress yourself too much, take care of yourself too.

Hope this helps

Coxy xx

Hi coxy3005,

Your message has really helped thank you. I have sent a card and plan to follow it up as I know that the support needs to go on. I am so sorry for your losses and wish you luck in the future.

take care
xxx