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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

desperate to try for baby BUT gp suggested to wait

16 replies

dubidi · 12/06/2009 13:14

Hi all,
Firstly my deepest sympathies to you all who have loved and lost.
I have just suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks spent two depressing days at hospital. My baby was due on boxing day so still coming to terms with the loss. My ten month old is keeping me going and my sister is fantastic support.
I went to see my GP today for advise on when i can try to get pregnant again, he suggested to wait 3 months to let my body recover although there is no scientific evidence to suggest why the wait.
I am very desperate to get pregnant again and want to crack on straight away. I have read in so many places a woman is most fertile after a m/c. Any advice on what i should do or what the norm is??
Everyone is doing there best to cheer me up and i am trying to be strong but feel so lonley, empty and heart broken.

Dubidi x

OP posts:
Sheeta · 12/06/2009 13:15

No advice I'm afraid but didn't want this one to go unanswered.

Sorry to hear about your loss.

anniebigpants · 12/06/2009 14:52

Sorry for your loss dubidi. Ive had 3 mc in total, 2 mc then my DS then another mc January this year. Each time GP has suggested having one natural period before trying again, really only cos it makes it easier to date pregnancy.
My last mc was at 12 weeks, i had one period which turned up 35 days after i passed the sac, then got a positive pregnancy test the day my next period was due. Im now almost 16 weeks pregnant.

dubidi · 12/06/2009 19:52

thanx sheeta. congrats to you anniebigpants on your pregnancy i hope it is a happy and healthy one.
Dubidi x

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 12/06/2009 19:54

Do what's right for you both. Remember your partner has also lost a child and will be grieving and may not understand you wanting to start again so quickly - at least that was my experience.

But if you feel ready, there is no physical reason why not. Both of my children have been conceived within four weeks of a miscarriage - I do believe the body tries to recover it's previous pregnant state.

Laurbom · 12/06/2009 21:15

Dear Dubidi,
this is my first post in this topic area - I have read and read others posts quite a lot and I really believe it helps you to deal with things seeing that others feel the same way and go through the same grieving. Your post moved me to write, as like me, this sounds like your first m/c and mine was at 12 weeks. We attended our scan (one month ago tomorrow) to be told the baby's heart had stopped beating about 3 days earlier. I was devasted, as each week that had gone by I was pleased that the pregnancy was more established and you feel out of that danger zone.

I had to have an ERPC and totally understand the feeling of emptiness and lonliness. It does like the say about most things, get easier with time, though I know I'll never forget the little life that was due to join our family.

All the medical staff (except the surgeon - who said the 3 month thing) said to allow one period before looking to concieve again, but from what i've read this seems to be for dating purposes more than anything so they could work out how many weeks you are.

Best of luck with concieving soon again, my thoughts are with you and your family .... especially your little lost one that is somewhere with mine and all the others that sadly don't make it into the world. x

neolara · 12/06/2009 21:41

I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby.

While I think there is not neccesarily any massive medical reason why you should wait to start TTC again, I think there may be a few things that it might be worth considering before you start trying again in earnest. I've had four mc over the years at various stages in the first trimester, and these are just my thoughts based on some of my experiences.

I developed infections after two of my mc. These were very painful and had to be treated with antibiotics. The infection only showed up a few weeks after the mc and I think treating them would have beem medically and emotionally more difficult if there had been a possibility that I might have been pregnant. Infections need to be treated prompting to prevent potential difficulties with fertility.

Emotionally, you will probably find the next little while very difficult. It does get better, but the early days can be pretty grim. I'm now 6 months pregnant again, only two months after my 4th mc. I found the early days very, very difficult and I had a sense that I had got pregnant almost too quickly. I don't think I had got through the raw grieving bit before being thrust into the roller-coaster of post-mc pregnancy all over again. I'm not sure I would recommend this.

Also, from a purely practical perspective, if you mc at 12 weeks, it may take 4 to 6 weeks for hcg to leave your body. If you are actively trying to get pregnant this first month there are a couple of things that might be worth knowing. Ovulation predictor kits will not be reliable as they respond positively to hcg in your bloody. Therefore, a positive OPK does not guarantee that you are ovulating. Also, I would recommend testing with pregnancy tests regularly until you get a negative test. Otherwise, you run the risk of taking a test 4 weeks after your mc, getting a positive, thinking you are pregnant with a new pregnancy (when you are not, it it just a hang over from your old pregnancy) and then being devastated when your AF starts.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

expatinscotland · 12/06/2009 21:45

I'm sorry for your loss.

My consultant told us we could try as soon as we were emotionally ready to ttc again.

No reason to wait.

We did wait until I had one period, however, mostly because we weren't emotionally ready.

After that, we were and I fell pregnant the next cycle.

dubidi · 13/06/2009 10:53

thank u for the advice neolara much appreciated.
I woke up this morning with a sinking feeling thankfully i am staying with my parents for a while to help me through cant face going home yet.The nice weather helps, dreading the winter and christmas time its going to be so depressing this year was so excited about a christmas baby. laurbom how are you feeling now? Thank u for your kind words i to hope you to concieve soon.
have a nice wkend all.
Dubidi xx

OP posts:
Cith · 12/07/2009 15:04

Dubidi I am sorry for your is so similar to me and so I felt should write. I too had a MMC at 12 weeks in middle of June, the DD was Christmas day. I had some spotting a few days before our 12-week scan was due so went to EPU where was told there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing at about 6weeks. It was our first pregnancy and so I think it completely takes the innocence of pregnancy away and replaces it with anxiety, emptiness and sadness.

I was booked in for a D&C, but miscarried naturally in the days while waiting for the appointment - wasn't really expecting natural MC to be such a painful experience.
I like you just wanted to become pregnant again and thought we should start TTC straight away as had also heard all the suggestions that you are more fertile after a MC and the 'waiting for a period' first is mainly to date the pregnancy. I started to feel better about two weeks ago, but then had some reflexology and a massage and afterwards was increadibly sad and tearful and realised that it is probably a good thing for the body to have time to repair itself emotionally as well as physically. DH and I have spent the last month taking care of each other and getting back into a healthy, happier place. My first period has now arrived (although seems quite light and odd!) so feel that is a good sign that body is getting back on track and hopefully will be able to crack on with TTC.
As is a while since your post, I hope that you are also starting to feel a little better and fingers crossed that we and everyone else TTC will soon be blessed with little ones.

Mouette · 12/07/2009 16:58

Dear Dubidi
I'm so sorry to hear aobut your loss. I lost my first baby last April at 17 weeks - it was very sudden and I was absolutely devastated. We really thought we'd be OK after 12 weeks. In addition I had a serious fertility problem and had had to have an operation to conceive, so it was doubly hard.
I had counselling (cognitive behavioural therapy) which really helped, as I couldn't get past the anger and grief. Also the church was a big support. We tried again straight away, only waited for the bleeding to stop, didn't wait for the first period. I got pregnant again after just 3 months and now have a beautiful baby son. Most people think it's better to wait until you've had your first period, because:

  • it's easier to date the next pregnancy
  • you know things are working OK
  • you probably need a little bit of time to come to terms with the mc. I know that if I had got pregnant again straight away it would have been hard physically and emotionally.

But there is no reason you should wait 3 months unless you want to.
I wish you all the best. xx
Thandeka · 12/07/2009 17:20

After TTC for 6 months (not long in grand scheme of things but felt like a lifetime especially as every time I knew I had caught ovulation) I had an MMC at 10 weeks (emby died at 6and a half weeks) and we decided to try again straight away and not wait for a period in between. (Some dr's said 3 periods, some said one, and midwife said whenever you are ready).

I am now 10.5weeks pregnant again (got pregnant straight after no period in between) and this time it has kept growing (and fingers crossed it still does) - I ovulated 26days after the MMC and we actually resumed intercourse 9 days after as we both physically needed to be close to each other. I have been absolutely terrified that I got pregnant too soon after the MMC but so far all seems well (and lots of nausea and vomiting which I didnt have with my last pregnancy- the joys!)

If we get to the birth it will mean I will have been pregnant for over a year! with only a 2 week gap in the middle!

Do you know if your emby had stopped growing at a certain stage or had it turned into a foetus (+9weeks). As that may have some bearing on how soon you should leave it. In my case because it was an MMC of a 6 week emby (but 10week egg sac so I still passed clots the size of my fist ) and it was a swift complete natural miscarriage I figured there wouldn't be as much trauma as say it was a 10 week old foetus I was miscarrying. Also may depend on how you miscarried- whether you needed surgery etc- as your womb may need time to heal. So that may be worth thinking about?

(Apologies if terms like embryo and foetus upset you- I know they can upset some ladies - its just for me personally I can't bring myself to say Baby- as thats the upsetting one for me)

Thandeka · 12/07/2009 17:21

And sorry I meant to prefix all of that with:
I'm so sorry for your loss.

BootleBumtrinket · 12/07/2009 19:58

Sorry for your loss.
I had a missed m/c at 9 weeks and it took 2 D&Cs to ensure everything was removed (sorry, don't want to use more familiar language).

Whilst in the hospital I saw a junior doctor who said 6 months a very stroppy EPU nurse who said 3 months and a much more friendly nurse specialist on the ward who I actually had much more confidence in than the others. She said 1 month was a good idea, mainly so they could date the next p/g easily.

I waited the 1 month and luckily got p/g straight away. DS was born 9 months later! I did bleed for the first 14 weeks of pg and there were clots in my uterus. No-one had an explanation and they had disappeared by the 20 week scan (I think). Trying again was very helpful for me to help deal with the m/c. I just wanted to get on with it all.

I also had a good friend and neighbour at the time who had a m/c at the same time and didn't bother to wait at all. She got pg immediately and had a sucessful pg.

Good luck with what you decide. I can't say I was much in the mood for dtd (and if I am honest, DH didn't know we were 'trying again' - the fool!) but the pg definitely helped me deal with the m/c

KEAWYED · 12/07/2009 20:05

I mc at 7 weeks 5 days. my dr told me there was no reason to start trying straight away if we were ready.

I had read you were most fertile after a MC so we cracked on with it and caught straight away.

The baby I lost was due on March 9th and my fresh pregnancy was due on may 9th.

I now have a very healthy DS3 who was born on May 12th this year.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

dubidi · 17/07/2009 12:20

Hi all,
thank you for the support and again my deepest sympathies for all your losses, i didnt wait and did ttc straight away as its the only way i can cope and waiting just felt like a waste of time. anyway i havent caught on as my period has arrived today 36 days later my normal cycle is 28 days,so you can imagine what i was thinking!!
feel a little bit sad but will carry on we live in hope.
How did people find their cycles after a mc, did they return to normal quite quick or come back messed up?? i think the worst time is waiting after a period due date not sure whether to test or not.
Enjoy the weekend all, hope the weather cheers up. xx

OP posts:
Mouette · 17/07/2009 15:01

Hi dubidi
I had exactly the same thing after my mc, my first cycle was 36 days long. My second cycle was normal (about 28 days). It's quite common for cycles to take a bit of time to return to normal after a mc. I used ovulation tests for a couple of months just to check when I was ovulating - sometimes that changes too. It's good however that you've had your first period - it means everything should be functioning normally. I wish you all the best! Hope you can do something nice this week end. xx

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