how would you react if someone said this to you?

[kissmummy]

A colleague has just returned from maternity leave and we were having lunch today. we're not close but she is a single mum and was keen for a chat and i wanted to be supportive. She asked me how things were going on the pregnancy front (before she left for maternity leave i told her i'd be gutted if i still wasn't pregnant when she came back to work) and i told her i'd had three miscarriages in the last year. (she only knew about one, which happened before she went off.)
She looked really disinterested and just said: "oh, have you had it checked out?" as if it were just a headache or something. And as if i wouldn't have bothered getting things checked after going through all that?! WTF?! No kind words or anything! i was totally shocked and had to leave the table on pretence of needing the toilet. So, what should i have said? how would you have reacted? am i being unreasonable to expect a slightly more sympathetic response? i know she's probably not really thinking straight as it's her first week back to work, but...?!

I think it is okay for you to be hurt but I think she was probably being trying to be sympathetic in a foot in mouth kind of way because people so often don't know what to say when told something like that.
She very porbably felt terrible after what you had told her before she went off and then asking you how things were I will bet it was shock and mortification at putting her foot in it.

I'd have said "gee, I can tell you really care" or something along those lines - and for you, how horrible. Some people just don't see beyond the end of their noses, do they.

I think that was probably an opening for you to tell her what you've been going through, tbh.

I find it quite comforting when people are very matter of fact about things - people making sad eyes at me doesn't help. I doubt she meant to be insensitive and would probably be mortified if she knew she had upset you.

yeah, i'm sure she didn't mean to be insensitive. i know it's hard for people to know what to say.

i find ppl who have got kids and not experienced any pregnany problems or worries really dgaf they just dont understand the heartache we go through chin up anyway hun xxx

First of all i am so very sorry for your losses. I say unless youve been through it you couldnt possibly understand how i feel. I think this was the case with your friend if she had previously suffered a miscarriage at any point in her life she would of known exactly what to say to you.

I had a late miscarriage at 23 weeks to cut along story short 70 hour labour, i nearly died, 4 blood transfusions, my baby boy Henry was l lb,fully formed, hair nails beautiful i went into prem labour after getting a viral infection. I had remarks like. Oh, can you imagine if you were full term!!! it was obviously meant to be!!! your baby prob had a deformity!! er no all tests came back clear!!! some people get a grip and think very carefully before saying something that could really hurt someones feelings!!!!

Sorry for your losses.

I think what she said was fine and your chance to talk more if you felt you could.

I am not sure anyone can understand the pain of a m/c until they have had one.