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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Cross and sad and fed up with self in general

18 replies

iggypiggy · 30/04/2009 14:30

Am sure this is common but after feeling a bit better about my MC which was nearly 3 weeks ago. i seem to have taken a bit of a dive and am both cross and sad and sorry for myself all at once.

on tuesday a girl I work with told everyone she was PG - her EDD is 2 days before mine was and I would have been announcing to everyone today

I just feel all kinds of horrible resentments towards her (inexplicably) - but I know I shouldn't as is lovely news for her. But am worried she will serve as my MC reminder - with all of her milestone dates being so close to mine.

Am ok in day - but then rush home to cry in the evenings and am fed up with doing that. Also been having bad dreams where I murder someone (not anyone I know!) which have never had before (and are a bit scary).

sorry for self - indulgent post - but am feeling like I will burst if I don't 'talk' to someone about this. Sitting in office at work is not helping!

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shyla01 · 30/04/2009 14:37

hi there,really sorry for ur mc. i have recently had my 3rd mc and thought i was coping very well! that is until one of my very best friends announced her pg a few days ago. i knew about it already having bumped into her in the epu a few weeks ago but her announcing it and seeing everyone elses reaction has really upset me! have cried sooo much over the last few days! I'm stuggling to cope with feeling angry then feeling teary, its so hard when u have so many different emotions goin on at once. i find having a rant one of the best things i can do! poor other half has had alot to deal with lately! being self indulgent is definately allowed xx

iggypiggy · 30/04/2009 14:40

shyla01 thanks for your message - i was doing really well too - until this happened - is not her fault - but am feeling the same as you, angry and teary...

My Dh has had to put up with it all too

Sorry to hear about your mc's. is rubbsih xx

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cupcakefairy · 30/04/2009 14:43

So sorry it's really getting you down Iggypiggy but vent all you want! It's the only thing that helps sometimes.

I keep getting scared that someone close to me will announce they're PG...sounds so irrational but worried my bro and SIL will get pregnant before me. Before my mc I wouldn't have cared but think I'd be quite distraught if that happened now.. so can't imagine what you are going through. Only advice I can give is focus on your relationship with your dh. I have found it so helpful to just have a really grateful attitude about the 2 of us still having each other and getting closer through going through this pain together. And before long you will be focusing on ttc again... just ignore stupid work girl! You will be a Mum soon

shyla01 · 30/04/2009 14:44

VERY RUBBISH!! im off to the docs in a mo to chase up my referral for my reurrent mc tests, its the only thing keeping me goin at the moment. knowing that there is a possibility of finding the cause is a help, isnt it strange how im hoping that they DO find something, when usually i would be hoping for the 'all clear' lol! life is a b*tch! x

kay1980 · 30/04/2009 14:46

hi to you both. I know exactly how you both feel. I had my 3rd MC at the beginning of March and just when I thought I had turned a corner and stopped feeling so damn sorry for myself one of my best friends told me that she is PG due a week after I would have been. She's been for her 12 week scan today and I feel so jealous and I don't want to feel like that. At the moment I am consoling myself with the fact that by the time hers is born I may be PG again. I know its a cliche but time is a great healer and don't worry about being teary etc as you are allowed to be

KirstyJC · 30/04/2009 14:47

Hey there iggypiggy. So sorry to hear how awful you're feeling.

I think it seems perfectly normal to be resentful towards her - not at all inpexplicable. Just when you felt you were getting over it, she goes and makes it all fresh again (Not at all on purpose I know, but of course it will feel like it). Also, she has something you had and wanted, so of course you're feeling like this. If no-one at work knows about you, then this must be extra difficult for you with all the baby talk.

Is there anyone you can talk to about this - at work or at home? If not, it may be that your GP can arrange for someone like a counsellor, to try and help stop you feeling like you're going to burst.

I do hope you start to feel better soon. xx

iggypiggy · 30/04/2009 15:14

cupcake thanks - is a bugger isn't it... What is also annoying me is that I thought I was ok - and I didn't expect to react like this.

Shyla good luck with your referral - I know what you mean about wanting a problme confirmed - then it can be fixed!

kay1980 that's rubbish too - I would have had my scan tomorrow

KirstyJC I have told one person at work - who has been great - but only works part time, so is not always here to chat to. That has actually helped alot - otherwise I think it would be harder. I can talk to my DH, my mum and my sisters - the only prob is that I can't ring them when am here - so feel totally frustrated and wanting to rant...

Thanks all of you - it is helping to write it down xx

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Maybebaby76 · 30/04/2009 16:38

Hi iggypiggy

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear of your loss.

You must go easy on yourself...vent when you want...cry when you want and feel all those things you think you shouldn't...this is all part of grieving.

kay1980 is so right..things will feel pretty rubbish for a while...I sometimes feel like I am riding a rollercoaster but time has this great way of making you stronger, I promise.

In the mean time, indulge all that you need to and know that you are not alone in how you are feeling. Chat on here whenever, there is some fab support!

Take care of yourself x x

iggypiggy · 30/04/2009 16:55

thanks maybebaby76

I think i need to get home and cry - should feel better then. Am just having one of those days. I wish it would stop.


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Maybebaby76 · 30/04/2009 17:03

I's crap! Do not under estimate the power of a good old fashioned cry! Perhaps accompanied by a large glass of vino, some food that is really bad for you and a night viewing rubbish on the telly box x x x

Daynee · 01/05/2009 13:47

Hi iggy - I'm so sorry to hear of you recent loss. I can totally empathize. I had 3 mc's and since my 3rd, I've been just terrible about hearing baby news. When a watch A Baby Story on t.v., I can't help but to cry and then curse at the moms saying things like, "That baby's pretty ugly." I know - it's horrible but it gives me and my dh a good laugh. The hardest thing has been to hear about my cousin just having a baby and him and his wife are like 25 - of course! I cried when I looked at the pictures they sent via email. Then I quickly deleted them because I don't even want to look. I just don't care about them and their baby.
I'm 31 and have been ready....It also sucks to hear about my coworker and friend who just went for her 6 week scan.

These are normal feelings and I'm not going to feel guilty. If we really think about it and if we're really honest with ourselves, this isn't the first time we've thought nasty thoughts about others or just plain didn't care about others. We all do this but most of us put on a fake face and say things like, "Oh how lovely." LOL. So, don't you worry - everything will be fine and one day, some girl is going to look at you all big and fat and preggers and she'll think, "What a bitch."

lal123 · 01/05/2009 13:54

Iggy - I sympathise with you xxx Last year I found out I was preg just after my brothers girlfriend announced her pregnancy and my cousin had become preg after years of treatment. As I'd already had one mc my mums response was "well, don't tell anyone just yet..." She was right - I lost baby at about 6 weeks. Every time I see my nephew or my cousins wee one I am reminded of the baby I never had. It was awful - but its getting better. I'm preg again - 15 weeks so fingers crossed xx

YanknCock · 01/05/2009 13:55

Very sorry for your loss.

I had my MC last September at 7 weeks, then found out my cousin was expecting with a due date less than two weeks before mine would have been. Took a while to get over, and it was hard seeing her in January with a bump, even though I was already pregnant again.

I got an email that she'd had the baby yesterday. My due date should have been May 3rd. Just brings it all up again (not that you ever really forget). I am trying to make myself send that congratulatory email today.

I may have a little cry with you!

iggypiggy · 01/05/2009 15:03

Daynee sorry about your MCs too. I am 33 - but have been ttc since was 31... (but been ready for ages...) You are right (I hope!) that one day people will be jealous of me being PG - that has actually cheered me up!

Lal123 congratualtions on being 15 weeks - that's lovely - I do really love these getting PG after MC stories.

YanknCock can recommend a cry! I hope like you I get PG again.. I don't think I'll ever forget about it - am v. worried about the EDD... is same day as my grandma's birthday (although she no longer with us) xx

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HappyBump · 01/05/2009 18:26

Iggypiggy - I thought i would share my PG after MC story to help cheer you up. I mc in Jan 2007 about 2 weeks before my 35th birthday ... I'd been longing for a baby for years too. We conceived straight after first AF after MC and I had a DS in Dec 07. Sadly I mc just recently too and you responded to me on the Emmysie Angels thread when I was having a down day (thank YOU) ... I had my AF about a week or so ago and we are just thinking about TTC ... am a bit scared, but we are optimistic ... we are thinking we have to be! The AF was a milestone, I was relieved but also just sad. Things feel a bit better this week though.

YanknCock · 01/05/2009 20:36

iggy, it's only been three weeks so everything will still be quite raw for you. I was in a similar situation. Had been trying since age 29 (32 now), had fertility investigations, got divorced after 1.5 years trying with XH, then tried with new partner for a year before finally getting pregnant--only to lose it. It hurts so much when you have wanted it for so long.

FWIW, there is some evidence that your first three cycles after a miscarriage are more fertile--was a huge surprise to me when I found out I was pregnant exactly three months after MC. If you feel ready to try again, I really hope it happens for you very soon. It doesn't make it all better, but it helps somewhat.

I mentioned to DH that the EDD was coming up this weekend, and he's not quite getting the fact that this pregnancy does not 'replace' the one I lost. You will always remember, I think.

squilly · 02/05/2009 23:31

I am so sad reading about these losses. I wish I could say it gets easier, but the truth is that sometimes it's easier, sometimes it's really tough and you cry or feel ridiculously grumpy at the most ridiculous times. No rhyme, no reason to it. So your feelings are all perfectly natural.

I had 3 mcs before having dd (who's now 8) and have had one since.

I was actually feeling really sad today, as it's the anniversary of my 2nd mc...I only remember because I had nightmares at the hospital due to it being a bank holiday.

I've been 'off' all day today...not realising that it's been 10 years to the day since my 2nd mc... I suddenly realised why about an hour ago and couldn't believe I was still capable of grieving.

I hope that you feel much better soon. This board will help, but don't expect miracles. You lost a precious little life...the most miraculous of things...expectations, hopes, dreams. You are more than entitled to be sad.

Take care....

iggypiggy · 05/05/2009 09:27

Happybump thank you for sharing that - is nice to hear. Glad you feeling bit better xx

YanknCock I think we will prob try again after first AF has happened. Feel I need to wait until then - sort of get back to normal. Thanks for your reply - it does help to read all of this - and am feeling better today.

squilly I can imagine that I'll never forget - it is harder already that I could have imagined - but I do have better days and worse days - and today seems a good day. xx

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