miscarriage at 12 weeks after normal 12 week scan

[flossiemay]

I don't really know what I'm looking for - someone who has gone through something similar to me I guess.
I had a missed miscarriage last November at 10.5 week (fetus hadn't developed beyond 7.5 weeks). We waited till I had a period, then I conceived very quickly after that. I have hypothyroidism which is treated - had thyroid test 2 weeks ago which showed my levels were normal.
I have been racked by anxiety through this pregnancy and had scans at 6, 9 and 11 weeks (the latter cos of some brown discharge). The day before yesterday I went for my 12 week scan and saw the baby jumping around. Everything seemed fine. I was 12 weeks and 1 day. That night I had some bleeding - a tiny amount so yesterday (the morning after the scan) went to the midwife. She heard the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler, good and strong, but sent me to the hospital anyway. The doc gave me an internal exam, said I had some cervical erosion and that the cervix was 1cm open, but that that's common when you've already had a natural birth (my boy is 4, I'm 34), and she sent me off. Half an hour later I started to bleed and passed a clot the size of my palm, followed by two smaller clots (half size of original) and lots of blood. Went back to hospital where doc did internal again and said my cervix was still only 1cm, but very soft and short, and she thought miscarriage very, very likely. This was last night. I haven't bled since, but have been lying down, and am feeling a bit crampy. I have a scan this afternoon but I think I know what it will tell me. I just feel terribly alone. I can't believe that I was listening to my baby's heart and then half an hour later bleeding horribly. I'm so scared about what is going to happen next. It was bad enough the first time, and I was half as pregnant then. I feel I'll never be able to have another baby.

btw- i even did a surreptitious knicker check in sainsburys car park today........

good luck tillyscoutsmum too......

And the same to you biggernow - to all of you who are going through this kind of anxiety. It's important to remember that you are not alone, even though it can feel like that. I think that it's very hard when you've already had a miscarriage because you know how easily your hopes can be destroyed. I think sometimes people, even close friends and family, who haven't had miscarriages find it hard to understand how deeply it hurts, no matter how far along you were and how scary it is to be pregnant again. My mother keeps asking for scan photos of this baby to show to people and I really don't want to give them to her because it feels like tempting fate. She doesn't really understand, although she does try. It's odd, I feel as if the experience of losing a pregnancy and then having the haematomas this time around has made it hard for me to connect with my being pregnant, as if there is a distance between myself and the baby inside me. Some days I feel as if it isn't really happening at all. I didn't feel like this with my son. I guess it is self-protection and it will pass, but it is strange to feel detached from something that is so much a part of me, even while I'm terrified I'll lose it. Wierd.
My bleeding has stopped now and I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow. I have a scan on Thursday. Fingers crossed...

PS Biggernow - I'm constantly checking knickers in all kinds of unlikely and potentially embarrassing situations, but when you gotta do what you gotta do and when the paranoia strikes, well it's an irresistable urge! Good luck tillyscoutsmum too!

hey flossiemay- it is good to know im not alone- its so hard- no-one quite understands- even my DH- he is way too relaxed.

Fell down a couple of steps today (well more slipped)- landed on feet but jarred myself a bit- went to loo- and there was a blob of watery blood- so I panicked (ruining a nice day) and went to A&E but they can't help me as it is bank holl- EPU seeing me Weds morning. Doc at A&E said it could have been a pool of blood in cervix - like a clot. WHY CAN'T THEY HAVE A LOOK AND TELL ME????? EH???!

I am SO fed up of the worry and the stress. I don't know where to find peace on this at the moment. Tomorrow will be horrible.

Good luck with scan on Thursday- let us know xxx

Oh my goodness biggernow I really feel for you. I don't know why they can't just scan you. Our EPU sonographers go home at 4.30pm so if you're there after that, tough. I think they become so used to all of this that they forget how traumatic it is for those of us going through it all. I kept being told - and I'm sure you are too - that if the bleeding doesn't get worse and you don't have cramps then it's most likely ok, but it's hard to believe that. People kept saying 'what will be will be' to me, which made me want to scream, cos it was of no help whatsoever! I think you become a raw bundle of nerves and emotion in this situation - you can't rationalise it, just try and hang in there and cry if you want to. I got to a point where I simply couldn't sustain the tension and felt calmer, but it happened by itself, it wasn't cos of anything anyone said or did. Peace comes, to some extent, but it takes its own time.

It might be worth you going back to A and E tomorrow, esp if you're still getting bleeding - at our EPU they keep a few scanning appts open everyday for people sent up from A and E in the daytime. At my hospital if you ring yourself you won't get an appt but if you get referred up from A and E the EPU will try and fit you in.

Good luck - keep us posted on how you are getting on - will be thinking of you xxx

I hope everything's fine with you Flossiemay. Keep us posted...
My prayers are with you...

Hi Flossiemay...don't lose hope. That baby is for you, believe me. with the hematoma, the clots and allthe baby manages to hold on to you. You are one lucky mom. I just had m/c last week before the 6th week and what's sad during the TV scan, nothing was seen. It was so insensitive of the sonologist to doubt the pregnancy really existed.. It did! i've had 4 postive results in pregnancy kit and 1 positive HCG. I've had an OB check and confirmed I was pregnant... I bled after that and rested for a week then I came to the hospital for a scan not even the endometrium has thickened, no gestational sac a day before the 6th week... Sometimes I still ask myself "was I really pregnant?" And I still want to believe I am. I still have some pregnancy signs... Am I just in denial?! HELP!