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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

anyone suffered from depression after miscarriage?

22 replies

kissmummy · 06/03/2009 13:05

It's now about three weeks since my third miscarriage and i think i'm suffering from depression. i've never in my life really felt quite like this. i've just done one of those depression self test things online and it diagnosed me as "moderately to severely clinically depressed." has anyone else been in this situation? the miscarriages are definitely the trigger for me feeling this bad about life but there are other problems which the miscarriages have made feel worse, if you see what i mean.
i don't want to take medication because we will TTC again soon. Any shared experiences/advice? i have booked an appointment with a GP next week but it's not a GP i know - the nice lady GP i normally see isn't around for two weeks. is there any point seeing a doctor? i am functioning normally, going to work as usual etc and putting on a brave and cheerful face. i have so many things in life to be grateful for and try to constantly remind myself of that but it's not working!

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mermaidspurse · 06/03/2009 16:35

hi Kissmummuy, saw this and didn't want to leave you unanswered I think the same too at the minute. 4th mc about 6 weeks ago and feeling very.. um....god these medical words don't get better do they 'clinically depressed' probably not that bad but pretty awful anyway and yes you are right other problems in everyday life do seem far more stark and crap. I hav'nt made an appointment yet to see the dr or ask for councelling but I am pondering on it. At the minute I am going to the gym everyday which has really, really helped and I never thought I would say that!
You know 3 weeks isnt very long honey and being back at work and putting that brave veneer on is a big strain. Yes of course we have loads of things to be grateful for but we still wanted our babies and I guess how we are feeling is all that grief and pain. we need a mega magic wand and probalby a stiff drink. lots of lovex

squilly · 06/03/2009 16:55

I'm so sorry for your losses kissmummy and mermaidspurse. It's such a dreadful thing to have to go through this so often and each miscarriage seems to trigger more and more feelings of dissatisfaction (from my own experience anyway).

I changed jobs after each miscarriage, which meant there were 2 years between each one (inadvertently so).

I suffered the worse depression after my 4th, but that was because I was 41 and realised it was my last chance. I do have one dd, however, that came after the third miscarriage and attendance at the recurrent miscarriage clinic. Have you been referred there yet??

I think it's perfectly naturally to be depressed after such a life changing, shocking event. It's the 'I knew it' thing that gets you in the pit of your stomach and makes you wonder whether you'll ever get there.

I think it is worth going to see someone, even if it's just to talk things through. The miscarriages in my experience caused me to re-evaluate my life and I usually found it lacking because all I wanted was a child.

I hope you go to see someone. Perhaps talking to someone on the miscarriage help line might help? I know I didn't want to talk to friends at all as it was too tied up with emotional baggage but the line is anonymous, which can be really helpful.

Sorry...I'm waffling...but I know how bad I felt after my third and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! Take care of yourselves..both of you..and fingers crossed that the next pg works out for you guys.

mermaidspurse · 06/03/2009 17:05

squilly at you managing your dd in between mcs, yep I am 41 at the end of the month so I know exactly what you mean. You haven't waffled at all, just summed up my life!

samoy · 06/03/2009 17:13

Hello all, after what you ve been through it really is to be expected. Its so hard picking yourself back up again and again when you have repeated miscarriages. Im feeling it too after 3 miscarriages in a row and am finding each one harder and harder to bear, the feeling of desperation is unbearable.All you can do is try to hold onto the positive stories that you read on here and believe there is light at the end of the tunnel x

squilly · 06/03/2009 17:57

If it's any consolation mermaidspurse, my friend had her first dd at 42 and her second at 44.

I only gave up at 41 as I'd got a dd who was about to start school and I weighed up the likelihood of going through it all again vs the chance of having my longed for family of 4. Then I thought about starting all over again and decided, all things considered, it was probably time for me to give in. I'm also in pretty crappy physical shape, so I figured it might not be so easy for me, a late pg.

I told dd recently that if she hadn't appeared she would have been a sports car! She knows there were 3 little squillies before her and one after and she often asks if I'd had them, would I have had her? I say I might have...she might have been the youngest of 4 (I love kids) but then again, I might have just had the first two, so I'd never have had her. And I said that would make me sad. She rightly told me I wouldn't have known her, so I wouldn't be sad. True...but knowing her now, I know she was worth the waiting.

I'd decided that I wouldn't try again after the third, but of course, we always do don't we?? I think you have to keep trying until you can't face it any more. And I think that if I'd given up without giving it every single chance, I'd have been bitter. If I'd kept trying and not got anything, I like to think that I'd have been ok with it, but you can only know how you'd feel when these things happen to you. And often, things are different to how you expect they'll be!

I know it's really hard and I hope that the positive stories on here are reassuring. I wish you so much luck for the future.

kissmummy · 06/03/2009 18:08

thanks. i'm a really long way off from giving up, which is good! i'm "only" 34 - not exactly a spring chicken but better than being 44, which was how old my mum was when she had my little sister! - and have a DS, 18 months, so we know it can be done. in fact we had absolutely no reason to think we'd have any miscarriages, never mind three, because DS came along without a hitch. so i'm a long way off giving in, but boy, is it a hard thing to go through, and yes, it gets harder every time. we've just been on holiday - planning it really took my mind off things and it was a lovely break but i had some dark moments even on hols and now we're back it's really hitting me.

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kissmummy · 06/03/2009 18:10

oh, forgot to add, that i haven't seen any specialists yet. i had my blood tests this week and should get the results next week. i'm on baby aspirin and will get progesterone supplements next time i get pregnant - hope that's soon. am being referred to a specialist but not had an appointment through yet.

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samoy · 06/03/2009 18:52

We are in the same boat kissmummy, im 34 too and have a 3 year old ds who arrived so easily-its so frustrating and confusing when you know you can do it! I ve had tests done but everything was normal so ill be interested to see if they find anything with you. Are you being referred to miscarriage clinic?who referred you?

squilly · 06/03/2009 19:31

I was 36 when I had dd and it had taken 6 years from my 'first' pregnancy, though I suspect I had my first miscarriage (undetected) when I was in my 20's (but I never count it - wasn't with dh, so I've never even talked about it to him).

You're both young, which is in your favour. I had my results back from the clinic and was told there was nothing awry. Possibly, I had a slight hormone imbalance but nothing that should have affected conception/pg.

For my successful pregnancy I had hormone injections from week 6 to week 14, but when I had my 4th pg I was told that had proven to be an ineffectual treatment!!! So who knows what was different about pg3 vs the others???

I asked my doctor to refer me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic after the third. I live in Sheffield and they have a great women's hospital. Hopefully, there will be somewhere close to you. It makes the testing side of things easier. But we had referrals from all over the UK, so they clearly can deal with distance when required.

If you attend Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic, you have a higher chance of carrying your pregnancy through to it's end, though they don't know why. 9 times out of 10 it's not because of medical treatment, they just think it's because of the care/lack of anxiety (comparatively) involved.

I think that's why my last miscarriage hit me so hard. I'd done it once, fgs...what was wrong now??? So I can relate to how you ladies feel, even though I had my child after 3 mcs and never thought she'd arrive!

I do think it can be harder when you have a child, too, because you know what you're missing out on. I do treasure dd all the more having worked so dammed hard to get her, then failing to provide her with sibling.

Have a good weekend and you have each other now. It helps to have people who understand how you feel...and mumsnet is ideal for that. Take care both.

kissmummy · 06/03/2009 21:28

thanks squilly
samoy are you in London? I am being referred to a specialist by my GP. i was actually really pleasantly surprised by her attitude. i'm in sw london and our GP practice is fairly typical for our area - big and you struggle to see the same GP twice. The two GPs ive seen for my previous failed pregnancies have been pretty crap. (unsympathetic at best) so i didn't have high expectations with the third but she was really nice and took it really seriously and swung into action. She seemed to know quite a bit about miscarriage and by coincidence knew the fertility specialist at the private clinic i went to for my early scan and spoke very highly of him. (a previous GP declined to give me one on the NHS so i decided to pay as i couldn't bear the uncertainty any longer) She also offered to refer me to Professor Regan at St Mary's, who is famous, but said that it could be a longer waiting list and that most of Regan's expertise has now been disseminated to other clinics, so i might be as well off at the recurrent miscarriage unit at the hospital where i had my DS, the Chelsea and Westminster. I could use my savings to go private if i thought it would make a difference but don't have money to throw around so thought i'd try the NHS first. how about you?

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samoy · 06/03/2009 21:53

In answer to your question kissmummy im in the South west unfortunatly but would travel if i got the opportunity, ill see what gp says on monday x

mermaidspurse · 07/03/2009 09:21

you are lucky to be in london kissmummy I am in the SW too - We have had all the tests possible on the NHS and my 4th lo was sent off to Bristol we get all the tests back on the 16th. I have been told to expect them to come back normal and to keep trying.
My ds is 7 and he just happened along, then wham bam 4 mc in a row.
samoy hope your gp appointment on Monday goes ok.

kissmummy · 07/03/2009 11:30

oooh gosh mermaids, good luck for the test results. i find it hard to know whether i'd prefer my tests to turn up something (which would at least give some sort of 'answer' as to why this has happened) or to be clear.
couldn't face trying again this month, not least because had no idea when the right time of the cycle was, but will psyche myself up to start again in a few weeks time.

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sue10 · 07/03/2009 12:16

Hi ladies,
hope it's ok to join in with this thread, i to am feeling rather low and think im probably indepression really but dont like to admit it. With mothers day coming up soon i can feel myself sinking and trying to orgnaise something just to get away from family gatherings(sisters who have children etc..)really have no idea just how painful the day is for me. I just hope that one day it will be my turn. Good idea mermaids, perhaps councelling would help, might look into it. Takecare kissmummy, hope things improve for you.
Sorry for waffling on.

kissmummy · 07/03/2009 15:33

hello sue10, thanks for joining us! what is your story, if you feel up to sharing it? i hope we can all support each other. i hadn't really thought about mother's day- poor you having to face other happy families. i'm assuming you don't have any children yet? on Monday i'm going to see a girl from the antenatal group i was in when we had my DS - she has just had her second child. Half of the girls from my group have now had second babies or are pregnant. I'm looking forward to meeting her new baby but hope it doesn't make me too sad about my own situation.

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mermaidspurse · 07/03/2009 15:48

sue waffle away councelling was good cos I just let it all out and you cant always do that with loved ones. My drs surgery offered this, its worth a thought, I think none of us ever like to admit that we need help.
A well timed holiday sounds fab though, I can only begin to imagine how you must feel and really hope your turn happens soonx
kissmummy yes results day - I am dreading it and know what you mean we need that answer.
We had to psyche ourselves up too! I think I am giving it one last roll of the dice before I hang up my bd hat and get back to some sort of normal.
I hope you are feeling better this weekend by the way.

kissmummy · 07/03/2009 17:26

thanks. i work on saturdays so that stops me dwelling on things. have some nice plans for tomorrow and monday - my equivalent of the weekend - so i'll be keeping busy and trying not to think too hard about the whole situation.

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giraffescantdancethetango · 08/03/2009 08:05

Hiya yes I suffer depression, I try to keep busy but sometimes that means I am avoiding things and it ends up worse. Am on antidepressants and waiting for councelling to start so I can talk about my angels.

Hope you enjoy today and Monday.

mermaidspurse · 08/03/2009 09:23

giraffe morning sweetie, sorry to read you are struggling. Big hug your way.x I just made dh a fried breakfast, the works, most unlike me and he is sitting in bed with a beautific smile on his face!
kissmummy enjoy your weekend, its intersting to see how we all deal with things by 'keeping busy' my kitchen has never been so tidy!

kissmummy · 08/03/2009 20:09

disastrous night last night - huge row with DH which was more than usually my fault. really hit rock bottom. but today v good and am feeling kind of normal. these mood swings are unreal! another nice day planned for tomorrow so hoping my more positive mood will last a bit longer. how has everyone else been this weekend?

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biggsie · 10/05/2011 10:44

Hi everyone. I'm new to this site so bear with me.... I have been reading through your posts and I have to say I'm quite relieved to know that I am not the only one feeling this bad. My story is that I've had 4 m/c in the last 14 months. Each time I reach 9/10 weeks and when I go for my 10 week scan there is no heartbeat (having seen it at 7 weeks). I have no other children. This time though has def been the worst for me. I am normally such a happy, optimistic person but I just cannot seem to snap out of this feeling. I feel a huge loss and feel that it is never going to happen for us. All of my friends have children and I am scared that I am turning into a bitter person because they all seem to be getting on with their lives and we are stuck in limbo. We are now being seen by a recurrent miscarriage specialist who is really nice. After the most recent m/c they did genetic tests and we are awaiting the results (we receive them next Thursday after a 10 week wait!) I think that's what is making me feel so bad, I am constantly anxious and second guessing what the outcome will be and very scared. I just think that if I think the worst then anything better will be a good outcome. I am so sorry for waffling but this is the first time I've really put down how I feel and feel better for sharing it with you all x

freelancegirl · 10/05/2011 17:14

Hi honey, this is an old thread so you might not get many responses from the people on here already but I know there are lots of us on here who have been through the same thing. I definitely feel I have gone through some sort of depression over the last 7 weeks since starting to mc - the process itself took a while and I felt so low, with many of the signs of depression. It does get better, I promise.

This article says a lot along those lines:

And a lot of people on here talking about how they have been feeling after mc:

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